
Not everyone who seems nice is truly a good person. Some people wear this mask of kindness, but their actions reveal something different. They might be overly charming in the beginning… and/or only when they need something. They could treat you with respect while mistreating those closest to them.
People who have been in a relationship with a narcissist know this all too well. At first, everything seems perfect – the famous love bombing phase – but over time, the cracks start to show.
Their kindness feels calculated rather than genuine. They say the right things, but their actions don’t match their words.
If you’ve ever had a nagging feeling that someone’s kindness doesn’t feel real, trust your gut. Here are a few signs someone isn’t actually a good person.
Make sure you never ignore these.
Why listen to me? I’m Sira Mas and I’m a relationship coach. I write about self-improvement, love, dating and psychology. My work has been featured on large publications such as Mamamia, Plenty of Fish, Ladders, Entrepreneur and Thrive Global.
They Are Too Nice to Everyone
Sometimes, people who appear excessively nice to everyone may not be as genuine as they seem. While kindness is a great quality, when someone is overly sweet to any person they meet, it can be a red flag.
What I usually recommend to my clients in situations like this is to watch how these people treat others when they think no one is watching. Do they act differently when dealing with someone they don’t need anything from?
True kindness is consistent, not a performance to gain approval (or to get what you need).
If their kindness feels fake or insincere, it might be a way to manipulate others or cover up who they really are.
They Are No Longer Interested in You Once They Get What They Want
People who only stick around while they need something from you are not good people. They might shower you with attention, compliments, or support, but as soon as they’ve gotten what they wanted, they vanish.
Pay attention to patterns. Do they lose interest in conversations when they don’t need anything? Do they stop making an effort once they’ve achieved their goal?
Good people care about you regardless of what you can offer them. If someone only seems to value you when it benefits them, it’s a clear sign their kindness is not genuine.
Superficial Charm
Some people have a way of charming everyone they meet. They know exactly what to say, how to act, and how to make others feel special. But charm without depth can be a warning sign.
Think of a salesperson who showers you with compliments, acts super friendly, and seems to hang on to your every word.
At first, it feels nice, but as the conversation continues, you realize they aren’t really listening. They’re just waiting for their turn to speak—strategizing their next line to convince you to buy.
Their charm isn’t about genuine connection; it’s a tool to get what they want. It’s fake and superficial.
What I always recommend in situations like this is to look at their behavior, not just their words. Do they follow through on their promises? Do they treat people with genuine care, or do they seem to be performing?
Charm is not the same as kindness. If their charisma feels calculated or too perfect, it may be a way to gain your trust just to sell themselves.
Recommended read: 3 Subtle Signs of Superficial, Fake Charm
They Seem Too Perfect to Be True (Trust Your Gut)
If someone seems too good to be true, they probably are. No one is perfect, and those who try too hard to appear flawless may be hiding something.
Trust your intuition. If something feels off, don’t dismiss it just because the person seems ideal on the surface. Good people are honest about their flaws.
If someone is constantly presenting a perfect image, there’s a good chance they’re concealing something beneath it.
They Talk Badly About Their Own Friends in Their Absence
A person’s true character is revealed in how they talk about others when they’re not around. If someone constantly gossips about their own friends, what do you think they say about you?
Take note of how they speak about others. If they badmouth their closest friends or family, it’s a sign they are not trustworthy.
A good person speaks with integrity, even when no one is watching. If they can easily betray their friends behind their backs, they’ll do the same to you.
They Fake Interest by Asking You Questions, but Then Redirect the Conversation to Themselves
At first, they may seem genuinely interested in you, asking thoughtful questions and making you feel heard. But if you notice that every conversation eventually turns back to them, their interest may not be sincere.
Observe how they react to your stories. Do they follow up with meaningful responses, or do they use your words as a transition to talk about themselves?
A good person will listen because they care, not just because they want the conversation to revolve around them. If you always leave interactions feeling unheard, that’s a sign their kindness is just an act.
They Are Superficial and Shallow
A person who is always focused on appearances, status, or material things may not be as kind-hearted as they seem. Superficial people often prioritize how they are perceived over who they really are.
Look beyond the surface. Do they care about deeper conversations and real emotions, or are they only interested in what looks good?
If someone avoids meaningful discussions and seems more concerned with impressing others, their kindness might be an act rather than a true reflection of their character.
They Are Controlling in Subtle Ways
Some people disguise their need for control under the guise of being “helpful” or “protective.” At first, their behavior might seem caring, but over time, you may notice they subtly dictate your choices. Very subtly.
A good person will respect your ability to make choices for yourself without trying to manipulate or influence you under the pretense of being helpful.
If you feel pressured to change your decisions just to avoid conflict with them, that’s a sign of subtle control.
They Never Admit When They’re Wrong
No one is right all the time, but if someone always refuses to acknowledge their mistakes, it’s a red flag. Some people twist situations so they’re never at fault.
A good, genuine person takes responsibility, apologizes sincerely, and makes an effort to improve. If someone constantly shifts blame onto others, they likely lack integrity.
If you’re always the one apologizing while they never admit fault, take it as a warning sign.
They Play the Victim When It Suits Them
Some people always play the victim, even when they are the ones creating the problem. They may twist facts, exaggerate situations, or make you feel guilty for things you didn’t do.
Observe if they always describe themselves as innocent while blaming others for everything that goes wrong.
A good person takes responsibility for their actions instead of always looking for someone else to blame.
They Treat You Like a King/Queen but Mistreat People Close to Them
Some people go out of their way to impress new acquaintances while showing a completely different side to those closest to them.
They might shower you with kindness and respect, making you feel special, but then you notice how they talk down to their sibling, disrespect their partner, or snap at a parent.
This behavior is a major red flag. People who have been in a relationship with a narcissist or who have a narcissist relative know this veeery well.
How someone treats the people they have known the longest often reveals their true character.
(Read that again).
If they only act respectful when they need something or want to impress you, it’s not real kindness—it’s manipulation.
A good person treats everyone with decency, not just those they are trying to win over. If you notice a pattern of them being sweet to you but cruel to others, pay attention. Eventually, that mistreatment could be directed at you, too.
Final Thoughts
A truly good person is kind, consistent, and treats others with respect—regardless of who’s watching. If someone’s niceness feels selective, calculated, or performative, it’s worth paying attention.
Actions will always reveal more than words. Trust your instincts, observe their behavior, and remember that real kindness doesn’t need an audience.
Photo by ALLAN LAINEZ on Unsplash