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Types of Jealousy in Relationships: A Guide for Men And Women

Types of Jealousy in Relationships: A Guide for Men And Women

Jealousy is a normal emotion and it can always arise in a relationship. If you feel jealous from time to time, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a controlling or toxic partner.

However, if you don’t try to understand and control that feeling, it can damage your relationship in the long run.

The feeling of jealousy may arise when we think our partner is feeling attracted to someone else or spending time with someone who got their attention.

The situation may worsen when if feel the other person is a threat – for example, due to their charm and good looks.

If you’re in a relationship and find yourself feeling jealous from time to time, it could be for one of several reasons.

As mentioned before, feeling jealous from time to time is normal. However, when you start to feel jealousy is becoming an issue for you or your partner, it’s essential to understand where it comes from and address it.

What follows are some different types of jealousy in relationships.


1. Possessiveness

If you want to conquer jealousy in your relationship, the first thing you need to do is learn how to let go of possessiveness.

Jealousy is scary, for anyone, and it makes your partner feel uncomfortable. If you’re feeling jealous, you have to ask yourself why you’re feeling that way.

If a friend or family member compliments your partner and that makes you feel uncomfortable, it might be because you are possessive.

See, you can’t make someone else (your partner) feel bad because they received a compliment or have something you don’t.

Possessiveness is a feeling that causes you to feel jealous when someone else interacts with your partner and not with you. Or when someone seems interested to your partner.

When people are possessive, they may refuse to let their partner spend time with other people or do anything without them.

Possessiveness often stems from a fear of rejection, or abandonment.


2. Fear of Abandonment

Jealousy is a universal emotion that can stem from various factors, and some of these factors are fear of abandonment and fear of betrayal.

Fear of abandonment is the most common cause of jealousy.

This type of jealousy usually stems from being abandoned by someone you loved in the past. The trauma of abandonment makes you act jealous and hypervigilant whenever you see a potential threat, even if you are in a healthy relationship with an amazing, loyal, and loving partner.

The fear of being betrayed is strictly related with the fear of abandonment. It can be destructive because you often feel as you cannot trust people anymore.


3. Lack of Trust

This goes hand in hand with the previous point. Lack of trust often causes jealousy.

If you have no trust in your partner, you are bound to feel jealous almost all the time, even if they haven’t done anything to make you feel that way.

So, to overcome this type of jealousy, you need to work on yourself and on your lack of trust first. Where does that lack of trust come from? Why do you feel that way?

These are only few of the questions you should ask yourself.

Then, you need to make sure your relationship is strong and that your partner is capable of being faithful before you can trust them.

If you don’t build this foundation, the jealousy will continue regardless of how often your partner proves their loyalty.


4. The Feeling that You Are Not Good Enough for Your Partner

Jealousy is often a feeling that you are not good enough for your partner – and the constant thought that sooner or later they’ll leave you.

The best way to overcome this issue is to be open with yourself and with your partner and find the reason behind this feeling. Are you feeling that way for no reason? Or is your partner behaving in a way that makes you feel bad about yourself?

Also, if you feel your partner is focused on their career and they’re always busy with work, meetings, etc., it doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t want to spend more time with you, they simply can’t.

In this case, try to focus on something you truly enjoy, find a life purpose you love. With time, it will help you become emotionally independent, feel complete without your partner, and consequently focus less on them.


5. A Sign of Immaturity

Jealousy is not a just sign of insecurity. It’s a sign of immaturity. It can be destructive if we don’t learn to control it and use it as a tool in our arsenal.

See, sometimes jealousy is just our gut telling us something is wrong. We should use that in our favor, not let it control us.


6. The Desire to Control Your Partner

One of the worst types of jealousy is the need to control your partner. It can be detrimental to any relationship, as it often leads to conflict and distrust.

Many people see their partner as an extension of themselves and are jealous of their partner’s interactions with others. It’s important to understand that no one is an extension of you and that you don’t have the right to control anyone.


7. Jealousy Through Money, Status, and Power

Money, status, and power are all things that can make you happy. But they aren’t the only factors determining your happiness in life.

The fact is, money and status can make a relationship more complicated when it comes to dealing with jealousy issues. When you have a lot of money or power, it’s easy for your partner to feel jealous, and it may be something that causes arguments.

Several studies showed that people focused on money tend to be insecure about their finances, and they may feel inferior in a relationship.


8. Jealousy Over Friends and Others

Jealousy may arise when your partner has friends, and you do not – or if you have a less active social life. It can clearly be a source of stress and tension in the relationship.

When your partner has friends and you don’t, it can make you feel left out and lonely. You have to understand that your partner needs time with their friends. And that you should have a network of friends outside of the relationship too.

That’s part of a healthy relationship.


9. Rational Jealousy

Jealousy is often a feeling of insecurity and fear of losing someone you love, and a sense of inferiority and competition can also trigger it.

When it comes to relationships, rational jealousy is the type that still allows for trust, compassion, and intimacy between partners. As explained in Very Well Mind, we talk about rational jealousy when there is genuine, reasonable doubt.


Tips to Prevent Jealousy in a Relationship

Jealousy is a common feeling for all of us in relationships. However, when it starts to take over and affect our lives, it becomes an issue.

It’s hard to be happy if we constantly suspect our partner is doing something behind our back or cheating on us. Right?

Talking about jealousy and being honest can be helpful for both partners. And it’s the first step to a healthier an happier relationship.

The partner who is feeling insecure will feel acknowledged and will often feel better after understanding that their feelings are not so uncommon.

The other partner will understand what’s going on and have the chance to reassure their partner that they are not being unfaithful.

To get over such issues, here are nine tips to manage jealousy in your relationship.

  • Communicate with your partner about any feeling of jealousy you have.
  • When you are feeling jealous, try to think about what you want and need from your partner instead of focusing on what they have or don’t have.
  • If you have concerns about your partner’s loyalty, check if there are any indications of infidelity, or ask them openly.
  • Be aware of what you tell yourself – what you say often affects what you believe.
  • Don’t compare your relationship with others.
  • Don’t be afraid to voice your concerns or thoughts about the other person.
  • Don’t be too available for your partner, focus on your life and your dreams too.
  • Try not to be possessive or controlling with your partner.
  • Don’t try to change your partner.

Final Thoughts

At times, you may find yourself feeling jealous of your partner. Especially when they interact with other people. No matter how justified that feeling is, it’s important not to let jealousy take over and control your mind.

In this article, we’ve discussed different types of jealousy in relationships and provided you with some tips on dealing with each. Please let us know if there is anything else we can do for you in the comments section.


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Photo by Pavel Danilyuk from Pexels

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