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How to Make a Narcissist Miserable: 14 Steps

Let’s be honest, dealing with a narcissist can feel like a living hell. Their toxic and manipulative behavior can leave you drained, confused, miserable and questioning yourself.

But there are ways to take back control and leave them powerless. Below are practical steps you can take to protect yourself, re-build your confidence, and make them miserable in the process.

Why listen to me? I’m Sira Mas and I’m a relationship coach. I write about self-improvement, love, dating and psychology. My work has been featured on large publications such as Mamamia, Plenty of Fish, Ladders, Entrepreneur and Thrive Global.

Stop Reacting to Their Abuse Attempts

One of the most effective ways to make a narcissist miserable is to stop reacting when they try to provoke you. Narcissists thrive on control and emotional reactions, and when you deny them that satisfaction, it can leave them feeling powerless.

I’ve had clients victims of narcissistic abuse asking me, “How do I deal with the constant criticism and gaslighting?” What I usually tell them is to practice emotional detachment.

This means not engaging when they provoke you and refusing to rise to the bait. They might say or do things to trigger a reaction, but your silence and calm will frustrate them…a lot.

Remember, every time you react emotionally, you’re giving them the power they crave. Stay calm, take a deep breath, and let their words fall flat.

Ignore Them

Ignoring a narcissist can feel incredibly liberating – and it goes hand in hand with the previous point, that is, not reacting. Narcissists are attention-seekers, and they hate being ignored.

So, what I always recommend my clients in situations like this is to stop responding to their texts, emails, or attempts to bait you into an argument. If you’re in the same space, keep your interactions strictly necessary and neutral.

When you stop feeding their need for attention, they begin to feel insignificant—a feeling they despise. Ignoring them sends the message that they no longer hold sway over your life.

Narcissists thrive on being the center of your world, and by ignoring them, you’re destroying that narrative. It’s not easy at first, but it’s one of the most powerful moves you can make.

Use Their Manipulation Tactics on Them

This tactic isn’t for everyone, you may even think it isn’t the healthiest thing to do to another person, I know. But we’re talking about a narcissist here. Some clients find it empowering to turn the tables and use a narcissist’s own manipulation tactics against them.

Because it lets them see that you understand those tactics they’re using on you.

And that they can’t play with you, not anymore. For example, narcissists often use phrases like, “You’re being too sensitive,” or “Why are you so difficult?” Well, imagine for a moment their reaction if you calmly mirror these same phrases back at them.

Simply telling them something like “Why are you being so sensitive about this?” or “Why is this such a big deal to you?” can leave them speechless. They hate having their tactics exposed, and this approach subtly shows them how it feels to be on the receiving end.

It’s important, though, to do this sparingly and strategically; the ultimate goal should be to protect your emotional energy, and eventually walking away and move on.

Ask for Help

Dealing with a narcissist can be exhausting, and no one should have to go through it alone. What I always recommend in a situation like this is to seek help from a trusted friend, family member, or therapist – see, I can help them as a coach, but therapy is often necessary after narcissistic abuse, even if you already have a relationship coach.

In any case, talking about your experience can give you the validation and support that you need. Narcissists isolate their victims to maintain control, so reaching out to your friends and family and to a therapist disrupts their power. Like I said, therapy, in particular, is invaluable because it helps you process the abuse and build resilience.

Some people in this situation are hesitant to ask for help because they feel ashamed or fear they won’t be believed. But the reality is, there are people who understand what you’re going through and want to support you.

Taking this step not only weakens the narcissist’s grip on you but also strengthens your sense of self-worth.

Start Focusing on Yourself and Do the Things You Love

When you shift your focus away from the narcissist and back onto yourself, you’re reclaiming your power. Many of my clients tell me they’ve forgotten who they were before their narcissistic relationship.

What I always recommend in a situation like this is to dive into activities that bring you joy. Whether it’s painting, hiking, or taking a cooking class, rediscovering your passions reminds you of your worth.

This focus on self-improvement will not only help you heal but also drive the narcissist crazy because it’ll make them understand that they no longer control your happiness. You’re showing them—and yourself—that your life doesn’t revolve around them anymore.

Start Focusing on Regrowing Your Social Circle

Narcissists often isolate their victims, so reconnecting with your social circle can be a powerful step. I’ve had clients who felt completely alone because the narcissist manipulated them into cutting ties with loved ones.

What I tell my clients in these cases is to start small: reach out to old friends, join local meetups, or attend local events. Building a support system not only helps you heal but also weakens the narcissist’s control.

Seeing you surrounded by people who care about you and lift you up will infuriate them. They thrive on your loneliness, so proving that you can be happy and thrive without them is one of the most empowering moves you can make.

Maintain an Unpredictable Routine

Narcissists hate losing control over your behavior, and one way to make them miserable is by becoming unpredictable. Break free from their manipulation, change your habits and routines. If they know your schedule, switch it up.

If you used to respond to their texts at a certain time, stop replying altogether or reply at random. They’ll try to guilt trip you. Well, ignore that.

What I always tell my clients in this situation is that unpredictability frustrates narcissists because they rely on your patterns to feel in control.

By becoming less predictable, you’re showing them that they no longer have much power over your decisions or your life. That’s why they try to make you feel guilty for that, because they feel furious and frustrated.

Re-Build Your Confidence

Narcissists feed on your insecurities, so rebuilding your confidence is like kryptonite to them. What I recommend to my clients is to invest in activities that help boost their self-esteem—whether it’s consistently hitting the gym, learning a new skill, or practicing positive affirmations.

The more confident you become, the less effective their attempts at belittling you will be. They hate seeing you strong and self-confident because it highlights their own insecurities. Confidence is not only a shield against their tactics but also a sign that you’re thriving without them.

Set Boundaries and Stick to Them

Setting firm boundaries is a powerful way to make a narcissist miserable. Narcissists hate boundaries because it limits their ability to manipulate and control you. What I always tell my clients is to communicate their boundaries clearly and consistently enforce them.

For example, if they try to provoke you or start an argument, try to calmly say something like this: “I won’t discuss this with you,” and walk away. Enforcing boundaries shows them that you’re serious about protecting your emotional well-being.

Over time, they’ll realize that their usual tactics no longer work, which can leave them feeling powerless. Which in my opinion is what they deserve. Don’t feel guilty for that. These people are so evil that they deserve to feel like that and to end up lonely.

Publicly Celebrate Your Achievements

Narcissists hate seeing others succeed, especially their victims. Sharing your achievements and milestones, whether it’s a new job, a personal accomplishment, or just a small win, can make them feel miserable.

I’ve had clients who were hesitant to share their successes out of fear of how the narcissist would react. But what I always tell them is that celebrating your victories publicly is a way of reclaiming your power.

It’s a reminder to the narcissist that your life is moving forward, and they’re no longer a part of it. And it’s a reminder to yourself as well, my friend.

Refuse to Take Responsibility for Their Emotions

Narcissists often try to make you feel responsible for their feelings – and even for their mistakes – but refusing to take on this burden can drive them crazy. If they accuse you of making them angry or ruining their day, try to tell them this: “I’m not responsible for how you feel.”

What I usually tell clients who are in a relationship with a narcissist is to let go of the guilt that these people try to make you feel. By refusing to play into their “blame games”, you’re showing them that their emotional manipulation no longer works on you.

This simple act of detachment can have a huge impact on their behavior—and on your sense of freedom.

Go No Contact

Going no contact is the healthiest and most effective way to deal with a narcissist. It’s also the one thing they absolutely can’t stand. I remember when I did this with my narcissist years ago. He was so frustrated.

What I usually tell my clients who are struggling to break free is to block the narcissist on all platforms, change your phone number if needed, and completely cut off communication. This might feel extreme, but it’s necessary to protect your peace and process everything.

No contact means no arguments, no manipulation, and no more opportunities for them to exploit your emotions. It’s not easy at first, narcissists often attempt to hoover you back in with false promises or threats, but staying firm in your decision is essential.

Over time, you’ll find that the distance is the only way for you to heal and rediscover who you are without their influence.

Unblock Them, Show Them Your Happiness, Then Block Them Again

This step isn’t for everyone, but for some, it can feel like the ultimate closure. Once you’ve healed and feel completely detached from the narcissist emotionally, consider briefly unblocking them. If you’ve already gone no contact and blocked them, of course.

Let them see the new, happy version of you through a glowing profile picture or a post about your accomplishments.

Narcissists hate losing control, and seeing you thrive without them is their worst nightmare. Yeah, they may have a new supply…but trust me, they’ll still feel miserable, furious and frustrated.

Remember, if there’s something they can’t stand, it’s losing control over their victims, even if they have 100 other supplies worshiping them (aka giving them the fuel, the attention and the validation they crave so much).

After this brief moment you have unblocked them to let them see the new you, block them again. They’ve received the message, and trust me, they didn’t feel good.

One important thing to mention here: What I usually tell my clients is to make sure they’re doing this from a place of strength, not hate. You’re not doing this for revenge but to show yourself and them that you’re truly free.

Then, close the door for good and continue focusing on your amazing, narcissist-free life.

Walk Away and Never Look Back

Walking away and never looking back is the most important step of the process. It’s what I consider the ultimate act of self-empowerment when dealing with a narcissistic partner.

This goes beyond simply going no contact; it’s a complete emotional and mental detachment from their influence. What I always tell my clients is that this step requires you to fully accept that the narcissist was never who they made you believe they were.

That they’ll never change. And that holding onto hope only keeps you “addicted” to their toxicity.

When you walk away for good, you’re making a statement, to yourself and to them, that your happiness comes first.

Focus on building a life so fulfilling that the thought of returning to their chaos feels impossible. You’re not just leaving the relationship; you’re reclaiming your future and leaving their manipulative games in the past…where they belong.

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