So many smart, self-aware, empathic people fall into narcissists’ traps, and honestly, I don’t blame them. Narcissists are calculated, charming, and very good at pretending to be exactly what you need… until they’re not.
If you’ve ever walked away from a narcissistic relationship wondering “How did I let that happen?”, or if you suspect you’re stuck in a relationship with them, this is for you.
Here are some of the biggest mistakes people make when dealing with narcissists…and how to avoid them so you don’t get played.
1. Believing their lies
Narcissists lie like they breathe. And I’m not just talking about big, dramatic lies, sometimes it’s the small, sneaky ones that mess with your head the most. They lie to look better, get sympathy, or gain control.
The worst part? They’re convincing. You want to believe them. You really hope their lies are the truth and you try not to focus on their actions instead.
I’ve been there. You start giving them the benefit of the doubt… again and again. And again. That’s how you end up trapped.
The key is to stop assuming their words mean something. And watch their actions instead. If they say they love you but keep hurting you, that’s not love. That’s manipulation.
Trust your gut, not their stories.
2. Believing their gaslighting and doubting your own reality
This is how they break you without leaving a bruise. Gaslighting is their favorite trick because it makes you question your own memory, your own judgment, your own sanity.
“You’re too sensitive.”
“That never happened.”
“You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
And suddenly, you’re apologizing when they were the ones who crossed the line.
I remember thinking, Maybe I am overreacting. Spoiler: I wasn’t. I was reacting to their lies, cheating, emotional abuse, and disrespect.
The truth is, if it feels wrong, it probably is. My advice is to keep a journal, take screenshots, talk to people you trust. Do whatever it takes to stay grounded in reality, because narcissists will always try to rewrite it.
3. Falling in love with them during the love bombing phase
It feels like a movie. They say all the right things, text nonstop, flatter you, make you feel like the most beautiful, fascinating person on Earth.
But it’s a trap. That intense attention isn’t love, it’s strategy. They want you hooked, and fast.
If you fall too hard, too soon, they’ve got you exactly where they want you. That “soulmate” phase isn’t real, it’s a performance.
I used to think, Wow, this is finally what love feels like. It wasn’t. Real love builds slowly. Narcissists rush because they know the mask won’t stay on for long.
4. Letting them cross your boundaries
This one stings because it happens little by little. You say “I don’t like that,” and they do it anyway. You say “I need space,” and they show up uninvited.
They don’t care about your boundaries. In fact, they hate them.
And every time you let it slide, they learn they can push more. And at a certain point you realize that it’s not that you don’t have boundaries, it’s that they ignore them. And eventually, you start ignoring them too.
I did. I started shrinking to avoid conflict. Huge mistake. If you don’t enforce your limits, narcissists will keep ignoring them.
And once they know you won’t stand up for yourself, they’ll never stop crossing the line.
5. Letting them isolate you
Narcissists need to be the center of your universe. So they’ll slowly pull you away from everyone else.
They’ll say your friends are toxic, your family is jealous, or that they’re the only one who truly gets you.
At first, it sounds like concern. But it’s control.
The less support you have, the more power they gain. I remember ghosting people I loved, thinking I was just “choosing peace.” No. I was being manipulated.
If someone tries to disconnect you from your people, that’s a red flag, not a love note. Keep your circle tight, they’ll help you see clearly.
6. Showing them your emotions (so that they can use them against you)
With a narcissist, every emotion you show becomes ammunition.
Cry? You’re “dramatic.”
Get angry? You’re “crazy.”
Confess your fears? They’ll weaponize them.
I once opened up about a past betrayal…and months later, it was thrown in my face during a fight. Lesson learned. And I have hundreds of other similar examples but I would need a book to talk about all of those.
Narcissists don’t see vulnerability as connection; they see it as leverage.
So remember this: You’re not cold for protecting yourself, you’re smart. Stay calm, keep your poker face, and share your heart with people who’ve earned your trust.
Narcissists don’t deserve access to your emotions. Because they’ll only twist them into something ugly.
7. Trying to explain yourself to them
You think, If I just explain how I feel, they’ll understand. Maybe they don’t realize how much they’re hurting me.
But here’s the truth: they do know. They just don’t care. Explaining yourself to a narcissist is like pouring water into a bucket with no bottom.
You’ll repeat yourself a thousand times, and nothing changes because they’re not interested in understanding you. They’re interested in winning.
I’ve wasted hours trying to be “reasonable.” It never worked. Save your breath. You don’t need to defend your feelings to someone who’s already decided they don’t matter.
8. Thinking you can fix them
This one’s brutal, especially if you’re the emotionally intelligent, nurturing type. You see their trauma. You want to help.
You think, If I just love them right, maybe they’ll heal. Maybe they’ll change. But narcissists don’t want to change. They want control.
They might play the victim, tell you heartbreaking stories, admit they’re “broken”… but it’s bait. It keeps you emotionally invested while they keep taking from you.
I used to believe I could be the exception, the person who finally made them better. I wasn’t. No one is. Not even their therapist. Because they’re so good they manipulate even some therapist.
Healing is their job, not yours.
9. Expecting closure from them
Narcissists don’t give closure, they avoid it, twist it, or turn it into another manipulation.
Let me tell you something I learned the hard way (and that you’ve probably learned or are learning too):
You won’t get a sincere apology. You won’t get honest answers. You’ll get blame-shifting, guilt trips, or complete silence.
I remember waiting for that one honest conversation. It never came. Never.
Eventually, I had to accept that the closure I wanted wasn’t coming from them, it had to come from me.
You don’t need their permission to move on. You don’t need their approval to heal. Read that again.
Let go of the idea that they’ll ever make things right. That’s not who they are.
10. Trying to prove your worth to them
Narcissists are experts at making you feel “not enough.” Not pretty enough. Not smart enough. Not successful enough. So you hustle for their approval, thinking if you just do more, be more, they’ll finally value you.
Spoiler: they won’t. Because the goalpost will always move.
I remember overachieving just to get crumbs of validation. It never lasted.
The problem was never me, it was the twisted way they viewed relationships: as a hierarchy, not a partnership.
You don’t need to prove your worth to anyone. The right people see it without being asked.
11. Giving them second, third, and tenth chances
They hurt you. Apologize. Cry. Promise they’ll change. And for a moment, you believe it. You want to believe it.
But the cycle always restarts.
Narcissists don’t learn from consequences, they just get better at hiding things. And the more chances you give, the more they see your forgiveness as weakness.
I’ve watched people lose years of their lives waiting for a narcissist to finally “get it.”
They don’t. And by the time you realize it, they’ve already done the damage ten times over.
A pattern is not a mistake. It’s who they are.
Closing thoughts
The truth is, narcissists depend on your good heart. Your empathy. Your patience. Your hope.
That’s how they get in…and stay.
But once you learn to spot the traps and stop falling for them, the game changes. You stop reacting. You stop chasing closure. You stop letting them define your reality.
And that’s when you take your power back.
Not by fighting harder—but by stepping out of the game entirely.
Trust me: that’s the move they never see coming.