When people talk about attracting narcissists, they often blame the victim, like it’s their fault.
It’s their fault for being too empathic, weak, or because of lack of boundaries.
But the reality is narcissists are drawn to amazing qualities, not flaws.
They target people who are smart, caring, and kind. Traits they admire but secretly want to control.
….Or traits that make you easy to control.
Here are some cool and powerful traits that make you magnetic to narcissists (and why it’s not a bad thing, you just need stronger boundaries).
Do you have these traits?
Why listen to me? I’m Sira Mas and I’m a relationship coach. I write about self-improvement, love, dating and psychology. My work has been featured on large publications such as Mamamia, Plenty of Fish, Ladders, Entrepreneur and Thrive Global.
Empathy
I know what you might be thinking…”Hey Sira, this one’s so obvious.”
I know, totally agree with you. But I have to mention it because it’s the most important one.
Narcissists crave empathy because they don’t naturally have it themselves.
When you’re deeply empathetic, you’re quick to forgive, slow to judge, and always trying to understand others
…And as a result my friend, you’re also easier to manipulate, unfortunately.
And to a narcissist, that’s gold. When you’re truly empathic, it’s more likely you’ll give them endless chances, even when they treat you badly.
Which is exactly what they want.
I’ve been there. I used to think if I just “understood him better,” he’d change.
Spoiler: he didn’t. It only got worse…until I went no contact (and became the villain in his version of the story).
Being empathic is beautiful, but with a narcissist, it can be used against you.
Well, it will be used against you.
Intelligence
Smart people challenge narcissists, in a good way. And they love that at first.
They’re drawn to intelligence because it motivates them. And it adds to their image.
Being with someone smart also makes them look smarter.
But after a while, they start to resent it. Because deep down, they don’t want someone who truly challenges them. And they don’t want someone who threatens or outshines them.
You probably already know what I’m about to say: they want someone they can control.
Caring
If you’re caring, the kind of person who checks in, helps out, and remembers little things about people, narcissists can spot that fast.
They love how you make them feel special and seen. At the beginning, they’ll love all the attention and kindness you give them.
But soon, they’ll demand it. They’ll expect it. And they’ll feel entitled to it.
And guess what? They’ll guilt trip you the moment you start setting boundaries. To get what they want.
And when you eventually get tired of their emotional abuse, they’ll accuse you of “changing” or “being selfish.”
Being caring is a superpower. Just don’t give it away to a narcissist. And don’t let them manipulate you.
Because if you do, you’ll feel emotionally exhausted and will hardly recognize yourself after a while.
Talking from experience.
Sense of humor
A good sense of humor is magnetic to everyone, including narcissists.
They love being around people who can make them laugh and lighten their mood. Especially because deep down, they’re often very insecure and tense.
So your humor soothes them, lifts them, and makes them feel bigger than they are.
But sometimes, they’ll start resenting that too.
As you probably already know, narcissists don’t like when the spotlight isn’t fully on them, and if you’re the funny one in the room, it can trigger their jealousy.
I remember dating someone who loved my sense of humor… until he started making “jokes” at my expense.
That’s when I knew it wasn’t admiration anymore, it was competition.
Ambitious
Ambition is attractive because it shows drive, passion, and self-worth. Narcissists are obsessed with image, and being with someone ambitious makes them look good.
Same as being with an intelligent person.
Remember this: the people a narcissist choose are (to them) just an extension of the perfect image they want to show the world.
So traits like intelligence, ambition, brilliant sense of humor attract them almost immediately.
They think “This one will make me look great in front of my coworkers, my family, my friends”. As if you were part of their outfit.
Also, when you’re determined and ambitious, they’re drawn to your fire, your goals, your dreams. But here’s the thing: they want to own it, not support it.
At first, they’ll praise your determination to achieve what you want. They’ll tell you they admire you. All part of their lovebombing.
But later, they may start to feel threathened by it. And they’ll compete with it or try to sabotage it.
Introspective
If you’re introspective, meaning you reflect on your actions, learn from your mistakes, and try to grow, you’re just perfect to a narcissist.
Why? Because when conflict happens, you’re the first to say, “Maybe I overreacted,” or “Maybe I could have handled that better.”
And this trait makes you easy to manipulate. It makes you easier to make you feel guilty for example.
And it becomes easier for them to play the victim.
So by manipulating and guilt tripping you, the narcissist takes zero responsibility.
Your self-awareness gets basically weaponized against you before you realize it. They’ll shift all the blame on you while they stay “innocent.”
Authentic
Authenticity is rare, and narcissists spot it right away.
When you’re authentic, you’re real. You’re yourself. You’re honest about your feelings, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Narcissists admire that at first because deep down, they know they’re fake. They know they can’t be genuine like you.
They want a piece of your ability to be real because they don’t know how to create it themselves.
So they might start imitating the way you talk, copy your style, or even repeat things you say as if they were their own ideas.
The problem is they’ll start struggling to stay consistent, and eventually your personality will make them feel threatened. Because like I said, they’re fake. They’re not you.
And that’s when the tension starts. That’s when they’ll become jealous and try to sabotage you or put other people against you.
Or when they’ll try to provoke you just to get a reaction and use it against you.
If you see red flags like these, the moment you see these dynamics start to happen, be careful and distance yourself from them.
If you are someone who attracts narcissists, it doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you have qualities that are rare, valuable, and real.
The key is to spot the red flags early on, learn to set boundaries fast, and never let someone else weaken the parts of you that make you shine.