If you’ve ever been discarded, devalued, or manipulated by a narcissist, you already know how much they enjoy to have control over you, your mood, your feelings, and your mind.
But here’s the truth they don’t want you to know: the moment you say “enough” and decide to move on, the moment you choose yourself, they feel it. Because they lose that control they once had.
They hate being ignored. And most of all, they hate seeing you thrive without them.
What follows are some of the most powerful ways to make a narcissist regret losing you (and treating you like dirt).
Why listen to me? I’m Sira Mas and I’m a relationship coach. I write about self-improvement, love, dating and psychology. My work has been featured on large publications such as Mamamia, Plenty of Fish, Ladders, Entrepreneur and Thrive Global.
Build a New Social Circle
Narcissists love isolating you from friends and family. It gives them more control and makes you more dependent on them.
So one of the best ways to make them regret losing you is to build a new social circle. Reconnect with old friends. Make new ones.
Surround yourself with people who uplift you. Who bring out the best in you.
It shows them they’re no longer the center of your world. And even worse for them? It proves that other people actually want to be around you, and in a healthy way! That is, without manipulation or games involved.
Build a New, Happy Life
Narcissists expect their victims to fall apart without them. Some of them count on it.
So if after devaluing or discarding you, they see you doing well, living your life, and enjoying your freedom? That’s when regret kicks in.
Start doing things they tried to keep you from. Take that trip. Join that class. Wear what you want. Go where you want. Do whatever makes you happy.
It doesn’t have to be flashy. Just live a life that feels good to you. I know it sounds obvious, but it’s the truth, that’s the best revenge.
Use Social Media to Show Your New Happy Life – But Don’t Overdo It
Let them see your glow-up. Post pictures of your outings, your hobbies, your people. Let your energy speak.
But don’t overdo it.
If you post too much or too obviously, it can come across as fake, or worse, as if you’re still thinking about them.
Keep it casual, natural, and real. Trust me, they’ll notice. Even if you’ve already gone no contact: you know their flying monkeys are probably watching you.
And once they know how great you are doing without them, they’ll realize they lost someone who’s not only doing just fine without them, but is actually thriving.
Expose Them
Narcissists care about their image and their reputation more than anything. They want everyone to think they’re the nice one, the loving one, the perfect one.
But you know the truth.
You don’t need to scream or post rants. Just stop covering for them. Speak your truth when it’s appropriate. Let people see what really happened.
When their mask starts to slip, and others start to see what they really are, it scares them. And they regret ever thinking they could hide behind you forever.
If You Can, Go No Contact (For Real)
When I left my narcissist, I was in the middle of the devaluing phase, he was treating me like garbage. Talking to me one day and ignoring me the next.
Partying every night without inviting me. Posting pictures with other women.
But he wasn’t expecting me to go no contact and take a two-week trip without him.
After a few days of receiving messages from him from other numbers (since I had blocked him everywhere), I realized he had just become desperate for my attention.
He regretted treating me the way he did. But it was too late. I had already moved on. I was happy, calm…and on vacation 🙂
See? Few things get to a narcissist like being cut off completely.
They feed on attention, good or bad. So when you go no contact, it sends a loud message: they’re not part of your story anymore.
Block them. Mute them. Delete them. Remove the door they keep trying to sneak through.
It’s not about punishing them. It’s about protecting your peace. And when they realize they’ve lost access to you, that’s when regret hits hardest.
If You Can’t Go No Contact, Go Grey Rock and Keep Contact to the Bare Minimum
Sometimes no contact isn’t an option, especially if you have kids, work in the same place, or share responsibilities.
In that case, go grey rock. Keep your responses short, dull, and emotionless. No stories. No reactions. Just basics.
This starves them of the drama they crave. And when you stop playing into their games, they get frustrated.
The less power they have over your emotions, the more they realize what they’ve lost.
Date Someone Who Truly Values You
Even if it feels too early to go on dates with other people, just do it. Trust me. You don’t have to start a relationship right away.
Just go on small coffee or lunch dates. It can only help you.
I remember going on a date with someone new a few months after ending things with my narcissistic ex.
He was calm, kind, and actually listened to me, without interrupting or turning things into a competition. That moment made me realize just how chaotic and disrespectful my previous relationship had been.
It was a small moment, but it reminded me of the peace I had been missing. It felt great.
Later that night, he (my narcissistic ex) saw me with the guy, and saw me happy, calm, and relaxed. A version of me he wasn’t able to bring out. A version of me he had seen only at the very beginning of our relationship.
I could see the look on his face. The look of sadness and regret.
Nothing bothers a narcissist more than seeing you with someone who actually treats you right.
Someone who listens. Who respects you. Who brings peace instead of chaos.
It shows the narcissist that all the things they said you didn’t deserve? Someone else is happily giving them to you.
And deep down, they know they’ll never be that person.
And even if your narcissistic ex doesn’t see you with your date, it’s something you should do for yourself.
Reconnect With What They Tried to Take From You
Narcissists tend to make you let go of parts of yourself. They do it slowly, you hardly realize it, but they do it.
Whether it’s your hobbies, your routines, your sense of style, or your little quirks, they slowly chip away at who you are until you forget the things that used to bring you joy.
So one of the most powerful ways to make them regret losing you is to get all of that back. Bring your old self to life again.
Go back to the gym. Wear that outfit they hated. Start that creative project you used to love.
The more you reconnect with the parts of you they tried to erase, the more it hits them that they never had real power over you. They were just a bad chapter, not the whole story.
Focus on Becoming the Best Version of You
This one isn’t for them. It’s for you. But yes, it will absolutely make them regret everything.
Work on your confidence. Your goals. Your health. Your self-worth.
Do the inner work. Heal the wounds. Take care of yourself in every way, emotionally, physically, mentally.
When they see you becoming stronger, wiser, and completely at peace, they’ll regret losing the version of you they could never break.
Because now that you’ve learned so much from your relationship with the narcissist, you’re much stronger and wiser. You’re untouchable.