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How to Tell if Someone Truly Values You

It’s not always easy to understand if someone values you.

Sometimes people send mixed signals, and that often generates confusion. One day you feel important to them, and the next day you have doubts, many doubts.

However, the fact that we perceive mixed signals from someone doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t value us. They might be having a bad day, or a bad week.

It’s also true that sometimes mixed signals mean we’re not as important as we hoped to that person.

Below are some small signs you should focus on to understand if someone truly values you. These apply to all kinds of relationships.

How to Tell If Someone Values You, According to a Relationship Coach

What follows may help you understand whether you are important to someone or not.

1. If They Can’t See You, They’ll Reschedule

Life is too short to waste your time on people who don’t respect, appreciate, and value you.

— Roy T. Bennett

If someone considers you an important part of their life, they’ll value the moments they share with you. To put it another way, someone who values you wants to spend time with you — and most importantly, they respect your time.

So if you have to meet on a certain day and for some reason they can’t see you, they’ll not only apologize, but they’ll also immediately tell you when they are available to meet you.

Recommended read: Long Distance Relationships: The Ultimate Guide

2. They Give You Their Undivided Attention When You Are With Them

If you want to understand how you can tell if someone values you, this is the most important sign.

If someone consistently checks their phone when they’re with you and don’t even pay attention to what you’re telling them, there’s a high chance that they don’t value your time together.

In that moment, they value more what’s on their device than the conversation they could have with you.

Obviously, if a friend or your partner does this from time to time, it doesn’t mean they’re disrespecting you. It’s totally fine to check your phone every now and then.

However, someone who clearly doesn’t show any interest in you when you’re with them and repeats this behavior on a consistent basis, doesn’t value your time together.

3. They Consistently Do Small Things For You

Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together.

— George Eliot

Someone who values you will do small things for you, and not just once to “buy” you. In fact, you will see a pattern because they want to see you happy and to make your life easier.

A person who doesn’t value you might do something nice for you, however, that will be just a one-time effort — and usually the reason of that small occasional effort is they need something from you.

4. They Reply to Your Texts in a Timely Manner

Think about last time it took you more than five days to reply to a message. Why did it take that long? Have you ever thought about that?

Maybe you forgot to reply to that message — because it wasn’t your top priority — or maybe you were subconsciously trying to tell the other person to leave you alone.

I have a close friend who lives in another country, and we are always in contact — we text a lot, almost daily.

Sometimes it takes me one minute to reply to her messages, other times one entire day. The same goes for her.

The fact that sometimes it takes me — or her — one day to reply doesn’t mean we don’t value our relationship.

It simply means that sometimes we’re busy. We both know our friendship is strong and that the other person doesn’t get upset if she has to wait for 24 hours.

man texting
Photo by Štefan Štefančík on Unsplash

However, there are also people who seem to have the habit to reply after days, sometimes weeks, even to urgent messages.

Clearly — unless they have a very convincing excuse — the truth about these people is they don’t respect nor value you, which is why it’s OK if you decide to distance yourself from them.

5. They Follow Up

A few years ago, I attended a Catalan course (I love languages).

The last day of the course I had to take an exam — to obtain the course certificate. The exam was in the afternoon after work. Before leaving the office I told a coworker I had to rush to get to school on time.

In the evening, after the exam, while I was having dinner, I received a message from my colleague asking me how it went. I didn’t even remember I had told her about the exam, and it was nice to see how she cared.

If you tell a friend you have an exam, a job interview, or anything important to you, and they care about you, they’ll probably follow up.

Someone who values you will think about you, not 24/7, but you’ll be on their mind.

6. They Tell You What You Need to Hear, Not What You Want to Hear

Picture this: Lola finds out Jacob, the husband of her best friend Marie, sees another woman. Marie tells Lola she feels Jacob has become particularly distant lately. What should Lola do? Should she tell Marie the truth?

Whatever she chooses to do, it depends on how much she values her best friend.

Do you know which is the difference between someone who just wants to be perceived as likable and someone who genuinely cares about you? The difference is this:

Someone who values you wants the best for you and they’ll tell you what you need to hear, instead of what you want to hear.

Someone who just wants to be perceived as likable will tell you white lies just to make you feel good in that moment, instead of telling you what you actually need to hear.

Couple talking and holding hands on the beach at sunset
Photo by Dominic Sansotta on Unsplash

How to Tell if Someone Values You: Final Thoughts

The bottom line here is this: when someone values you, you will simply feel it.

Someone who truly values you will make you feel good and emotionally safe with them. Like everyone, they will have bad days from time to time, but in the long term you will see a pattern.

You will see they are always there for you.

Image: iStock

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