I’ve been there years ago, so I know how hard it is to walk away from someone who once convinced you they were everything you needed.
The charm, the promises, the intense highs, they blur your vision until you forget what peace even feels like.
But when I finally left, I saw it clearly: the chaos wasn’t love. I wasn’t a healthy relationship. The confusion wasn’t passion. It was control. And it almost broke me.
If you’re stuck in the same place I once was, know this, walking away is the beginning of everything.
Not just freedom, but power. And when you do it right, the narcissist who once thought they owned you? They crumble.
Avoid discussing with them all the things they did wrong (it’s useless and stressful)
You’ll never get closure from a narcissist. Trying to list out everything they did wrong is like trying to teach a snake empathy, it’s exhausting and pointless.
They won’t listen, won’t care, and will twist your words until you’re the villain. They’ll accuse you of overreacting or being “heartless,” and bla bla bla.. while completely ignoring the abuse they put you through.
Save your breath. You don’t need their validation or understanding. You’re not leaving to make them see your pain, you’re leaving to finally find peace.
Silence, in this case, is power. And they hate when they can’t control the narrative.
Tell them you’re leaving
Don’t overexplain, don’t try to cushion the blow, and don’t make it sound like a negotiation. Tell them you’re done, clear, calm, and firm.
No “maybe one day” or “let’s stay friends” crap. That only feeds their fantasy of keeping a hook in you. You don’t owe them softness after all the emotional landmines they planted in your life.
A narcissist will likely pretend not to care or act like you’re being dramatic, but deep down, they’re spiraling. Nothing scares them more than losing their grip on someone who finally sees through their mask. So say it, and mean it.
Don’t respond to any of their manipulation and blame-shifting attempts
The moment you decide to leave, the manipulation campaign begins. Because it will happen. Suddenly, you’re the problem. You’re “ungrateful,” “crazy,” “the real narcissist.”
Don’t take the bait. Narcissists survive on control, and if they can’t make you feel guilty, confused, or angry, they panic. They’ll poke every wound you have to get a reaction, any reaction. That’s how they keep you stuck.
But if you refuse to engage, if you walk away without explaining or justifying, they lose their power.
Let them throw their tantrum in an empty room. Your silence is louder than any argument they try to start.
Don’t fall for their guilt trips
This is where they’ll get theatrical. They might cry, promise to change, beg for one more chance, or say things like “I can’t live without you.”
And if that doesn’t work, they’ll switch tactics, maybe talk about everything you did wrong, make you feel like a monster for walking away. It’s all part of the same script.
Narcissists don’t want you back because they love you. They want you back so they can win.
So don’t let their fake tears or sob stories confuse you. You’re not responsible for their pain, their childhood, or their lack of growth. You’re responsible for you now.
Leave
Yes, actually leave. Pack your things, block their number, change the locks, call a friend, do whatever it takes to physically separate yourself.
Emotional freedom starts with physical distance. Don’t announce it days in advance. Don’t give them a chance to convince you otherwise. Just go.
Don’t stay another night trying to make it less painful for them. They didn’t care when they caused you pain, remember? The longer you wait, the more tangled in their web you’ll be. Leaving doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to happen. You don’t need a clean exit, just a real one.
Go no-contact
Block them everywhere. No texts, no emails, no sneaky Instagram check-ins. Nothing. It’s hard, but it’s necessary.
Narcissists use every open door as an opportunity to suck you back in. They’ll use any excuse to pop up, “I left something at your place,” “I just wanted closure,” or “Let’s talk like adults” …as if they could really talk like adults (lol).
No-contact protects your peace. It gives you space to think clearly, feel everything you’ve been suppressing, and start healing.
Cutting them off isn’t cruel, it’s wise. Because every message you answer is another chance for them to manipulate you again. Don’t give them that chance.
If you can’t go no-contact, go grey rock
Sometimes you can’t go no-contact. For example, you have to co-parent with them. Or maybe you work together. In cases like these, you go grey rock.
That means you become the most boring, uninterested, non-emotional version of yourself when they’re around. No reactions. No arguments. Just facts and short replies. “Yes.” “No.” “I’ll think about it.”
You don’t give them drama, praise, or pain…just indifference. Narcissists feed off your emotions, so starving them of that supply makes them shrivel. You become uninteresting.
They can’t play their games with someone who refuses to join. Be the grey rock that ruins their manipulative show.
Focus on doing the things you couldn’t do when you were in a relationship with them
This is your glow-up era. Remember all the things you had to give up? The hobbies, the friendships, the freedom? Go get it all back.
Start salsa dancing. Take those tennis lessons. Go on spontaneous trips. Reconnect with the people who actually love and respect you.
When you stop walking on eggshells and start walking into your own life, the shift is powerful.
And yes, they’ll notice. Narcissists hate seeing you happy without them. But that’s not why you’re doing it. You’re doing it because you deserve to feel alive again. And they no longer get to dim your light.
Rebuild your identity without them, and make it better than ever
When you’ve been with a narcissist, you slowly lose your sense of self. Your wants, needs, and dreams shrink to fit inside their chaotic world.
Now, it’s time to reclaim it all, and more. Reinvent yourself. Cut your hair if you want. Change your routine. Start a side hustle. Write the book. Travel solo. Let this be your rebirth.
You’re not just “healing from narcissistic abuse.” You’re becoming someone they never thought you could be, strong, centered, thriving. And when they see that, trust me: they crumble.
Not because you hurt them. But because you proved that they never broke you.
Walking away is not easy. It’s scary. It’s painful. It’s messy. But it’s also the most life-changing thing you’ll ever do.
You stop shrinking yourself to fit inside someone else’s ego and start expanding into the person you were always meant to be.
And while they’ll keep watching, wondering why their tricks don’t work on you anymore, you’ll be too busy living, healing, and glowing to care.
That’s what real power looks like. And that’s exactly what they lost.