In this post we are going to talk about the signs he doesn’t want you sexually and what you should do.
You know when he wants you. It’s obvious in so many ways. But can you admit the truth when he just doesn’t feel that way about you anymore?
It hurts, and sometimes, it’s easier to play pretend and not face the fact that what you had is over. If you see it, then you’ll have to do something about it.
So, you just walk around with blinders on and hope the flame magically sparks back to life in your relationship.
But if the spark is gone, isn’t it better to know?
You deserve to be with someone who truly wants you — who knows that being with you is a privilege.
So, get out of your own way and recognize these signs that he just doesn’t want you sexually. Once you do, you’ll be free.
13 Signs He Doesn’t Want You Sexually, According to a Former Therapist
1. He Avoids Flirting with You
This is one of the main signs he doesn’t want you sexually.
I once was in a relationship with someone who would friendzone me when I flirted.
We’d been together a while when I noticed that flirtatious overtures were rebuffed with a seemingly friendly but not flirtatious remark. I suddenly realized that he just didn’t want me anymore.
It hurt, it wasn’t easy to admit. It took me even longer to truly admit it to myself.
But someone who consistently avoids flirting with you is letting you know that they just aren’t sexually attracted to you anymore.
Otherwise, they’d be seizing upon the opportunity to flirt right back.
2. He Avoids to Spend Time Alone with You
If you’ve made plenty of opportunities for the two of you to be alone together and he’s made excuses, he just doesn’t want a sexual relationship with you.
Someone who wants you isn’t going to avoid the opportunity to hook up with you. He’s going to be looking for some alone time to make it happen.
Avoiding time alone means he’s trying to convey his disinterest in hopes he doesn’t actually have to reject you outright.
He probably thinks he’s being nice, and it’s in your best interest to interpret this as the rejection it’s meant to be.
If he doesn’t want to be alone with you, he doesn’t want you like that.
3. He Deflects Your Sexual Overtures
Have you made outright sexual overtures and wondered why he’s unresponsive? He’s not interested, or he’s not available, which amounts to the same thing.
Your heavy-handed sexual innuendo or outright sexual invitation will be eagerly accepted by a man who’s interested in you sexually. Anything less than acceptance is, I’m afraid to tell you, rejection.
While it’s often men who are seen as sexually harassing women, absolutely anyone can harass and intimidate others.
It’s not okay to continue making sexual remarks to a man who’s rebuffed them; it’s harassment, and don’t assume that he finds the experience flattering.
It’s likely uncomfortable, and it’s best that you pay attention to the ways he deflects your statements so that you can stop making them.
4. He Makes Excuses to Avoid Sex
If you’re in a relationship with this person and they start making excuses to avoid sex, it’s always possible that there’s a physical or mental health issue in play.
It’s equally possible that he just doesn’t want you sexually anymore.
If he rolls out the headache excuse again but ignores your offers of an over-the-counter pain killer to help him out, he might not actually have a headache at all.
He just doesn’t want to have sex with you.
You’ll want to find out if he’s struggling in some other way or if he no longer feels the same way about you.
Relationships have ups and downs.
If you’ve been feeling disconnected from one another, you can’t just demand sex and think your partner is going to be up for it without any attempt to repair the relationship.
But if all you get is excuses no matter what efforts you make, he might not want you anymore.
5. He Makes Less Time to See You
If he suddenly has less time to see you although nothing has changed in his schedule, he just doesn’t want you sexually.
Believe me — if he did, he’d move heaven and earth to make it happen. It’s called making time for a reason. If he’s not moving his schedule around to accommodate sex with you, he’s just not that interested.
Ouch! I know that hurts. But someone who truly wants you will let you know they’re figuring out scheduling so that they can be with you in that way.
They’ll reach out in the in-between times with sexy messages or photos. They won’t just have you waiting around wondering if they still find you desirable.
If he’s not making time, you’ll know he doesn’t want you.
6. He Doesn’t Make Eye Contact with You
If he’s started avoiding eye contact with you, it’s possible that he no longer has a sexual interest in you. The eye contact could be his avoidance or discomfort.
It could be that he’s thinking of someone else.
If he’s not looking at you, it’s completely normal to wonder what exactly he’s hiding; if your sex life is nonexistent and he won’t even look at you, you know he’s not interested in the relationship.
If he was, he’d be trying to keep that spark alive.
While there might be many reasons that he stops making eye contact, one possible reason is that he’s just not interested anymore.
7. He Lets His Personal Hygiene Lapse
If he starts neglecting his personal hygiene, it could be an issue of a physical or mental health problem, but it’s also possible that he’s just not that interested in you sexually anymore.
Someone who wants to get you naked is probably going to shower and make sure their hygiene is up to snuff.
If he’s not doing any of that, you have reason to be concerned.
No one wants to get up close and personal with someone who has truly poor personal hygiene.
If they stop washing, taking care of themselves, and generally making an effort, it’s possible that they’re trying to make you unattracted to them so that they don’t have to confess they aren’t attracted to you any longer.
8. Sex is Brief and Uninspired
If you find yourself in the world’s shortest sexual scenario in missionary position the whole time having to stifle a yawn, he might not want you sexually anymore — or he’s somehow under the mistaken impression that he can phone it in, and you won’t catch on.
If the sex gets very brief, the foreplay is nonexistent, and it feels perfunctory, he’s just not that into you.
Seriously. If he wants you sexually, you’ll know. He should care about your pleasure.
He should be interested in your experience.
If it’s all about him or if it’s so brief that it makes you wonder if it counts as sex at all, then he might not have any desire for you anymore.
Recommended read: 17 Signs He Wants You Badly Sexually
9. He Often Seems Annoyed with You
One of the signs he doesn’t want you sexually is he feels not just distant but also bothered by you.
He used to think you were adorable, but now he’s permanently annoyed.
This happens when he falls out of sexual attraction with you. He’s giving himself and you reasons for the distance you’re experiencing with him.
If he can stay annoyed, he can make you the problem rather than admitting he’s just not feeling it anymore.
Someone who’s interested in you sexually isn’t going to stay perpetually frustrated with you.
Someone who no longer thinks of you in that way is going to find everything you do to be aggravating because they’re looking for reasons to move on rather than being honest about the real one.
They might not even realize that’s what they’re doing, but you’ll feel it and hopefully catch on.
10. He Doesn’t Notice Positive Changes
New hairstyle? New outfits? If he doesn’t notice when you make positive changes anymore, he’s lost interest.
Otherwise, he’d be so in tune with you that he’d mention it.
If your attempts at dressing up and looking sexier aren’t getting noticed, he’s probably not attracted anymore.
He might be so disconnected from you that he doesn’t truly see you.
Don’t ignore this sign.
It likely means it’s over, and you’ve just not yet accepted it.
11. He Comments Negatively on Physical Changes
He doesn’t see the positive changes you’ve made, but he sure does comment on the negative ones.
If you’ve put on weight, if you’re wearing sweatpants because you don’t feel great, if you wear a color he doesn’t like.
If he’s commenting on negatives about how you look, note this.
He might be projecting his insecurities on you, but he might have just lost sexual interest.
I had a former partner make fun of me in a bathing suit. It was the first one I’d worn around a partner since my divorce and having babies. I was already self-conscious.
To have him actively criticize how I looked when I already felt vulnerable was crushing.
It would take me some time to admit what was really going on, but I remember how bad it felt. It took me a whole year to be able to see that the relationship was emotionally abusive.
Someone who cares about you isn’t going to make you feel bad about yourself. It could be a sign of disinterest and is often a sign of abuse, too, depending on what and how they say it.
12. He Prefers Solo Sexual Activity Over Sex with You
One of the clearest signs he doesn’t want you sexually is he’s spending more time masturbating than actually having sex with you, his partner.
If he has someone he could have sex with and still prefers sex with himself, you might want to take note.
If he was attracted to you and has a sex drive, he’d be making overtures toward you and not spending all day in the shower with himself.
A healthy sexual appetite shouldn’t mean rejecting you so he can pleasure himself. If this is happening, accept he’s no longer interested and move on. It’s a big sign that he just doesn’t feel that desire for you anymore.
13. He Feels Both Physically and Emotionally Distant
Does he feel physically and emotionally distant from you? Does he move away when you sit close or shut down when you try to find out what’s going on?
These are both signs that he’s not sexually attracted to you anymore.
Look, it’s possible he’s having a health crisis you don’t know about. He could be experiencing an emotional upheaval you don’t even see.
But his physical and emotional distance could be that he’s just not sexually attracted to you anymore. Are you brave enough to ask? Is he honest enough to tell you the truth if you do?
What To Do If He Doesn’t Want You Sexually
Talk It Out
If you can see that he doesn’t want you sexually, talk to him about it. Let him know you’ve noticed. Decide if this is something you can work through or if he’s already moving on.
If you’re old enough to have sex with another consenting adult, you’re old enough to have these grownup conversations about what you’re doing — or not doing — and how it makes you feel.
So, talk about it. Decide what works for you and what doesn’t. The ball is not in their court only. You get to choose if this works for you.
Try to Reignite the Flame
You could try to reignite the flame even if it’s gone out. You could attempt relationship repairs.
And you could see a therapist alone or as a couple.
There’s so much you can do to reignite the sexual relationship. You just have to find out if your partner is willing to try.
If your partner isn’t willing to or interested in trying, no amount of effort on your part will work.
So, ask. Find out. If it’s possible to reignite it, you could go that route. Decide if that’s what you both want and go from there.
Sometimes, the best thing you can do is accept it and leave. If he doesn’t want you anymore, you don’t have to stick around to experience the constant feeling of rejection.
You can choose to be alone or to go out and find more satisfying relationships that don’t make you feel undesirable.
It can be hard to break that attachment and leave, but you owe it to yourself to stop settling for the crumbs of his affection and interest.
You owe it to yourself to hold out for someone who looks at you like you hung the moon in the night sky. Don’t we all deserve that?
You at least deserve someone who desires the partner they chose and doesn’t hesitate to let you know it.
Relationships aren’t black and white.
There are a lot of grey areas. Talk it out.
See where you stand.
But if you see that all the signs are there that he doesn’t want you anymore, and he just won’t admit it, love yourself enough to leave.
Photo by Sergio de Paula on Unsplash