
Some articles are written just to inform. But this one?
I felt compelled to write this article because I was with a narcissist myself, and I know how painful, confusing, and lonely it can be.
You question everything. You feel like you’re walking on eggshells. One minute you’re his whole world, the next, you feel invisible, insecure, small.
It’s not always obvious. Narcissistic behavior in men can be subtle, manipulative, and easy to excuse at first.
But if you’re constantly anxious in your relationship, doubting yourself, or wondering how someone who claims to love you can treat you so poorly, this article is for you.
So, let’s break it down, one red flag at a time.
Why listen to me? I’m Sira Mas and I’m a relationship coach. I write about self-improvement, love, dating and psychology. My work has been featured on large publications such as Mamamia, Plenty of Fish, Ladders, Entrepreneur and Thrive Global.
He Lovebombs You at the Beginning
In the beginning, he’s obsessed with you. Calls you constantly. Says he’s never felt this way before. Tells you you’re different. The connection feels magical, intense, fast.
You start thinking, “Maybe he’s The One.”
But it’s not love. It’s a strategy. He’s putting you on a pedestal so he can later manipualte you. Once you’re hooked, everything starts to shift. He knows he can do whatever he wants after that.
You’ll notice that the attention fades. The compliments disappear. And suddenly you’re stuck wondering where that amazing version of him went.
Spoiler: it never existed. And I know it’s painful when you realize that because I’ve been there myself.
But once you learn that, that’s your first step towards a happier life free from emotional abuse.
He Makes Subtle Negative Comments to Lower Your Self-Esteem
It starts with a joke. A little dig. A backhanded compliment.
“You sure you want to wear that?” “I didn’t think you were the insecure and jealous type.” “I mean, you’re cute…not model cute, but cute.”
These comments are designed to plant doubt. Slowly, they weaken your confidence.
You can’t tell him anything because they aren’t plain negative comments. They are backhanded compliments and it can be difficult to tell if they’re joking, if they’re just being awkward, or if they mean something else.
But let me tell you this: the reality is, he wants you insecure. Because the more unsure you are of yourself, the easier it will be to control you.
He Tries to Make You Jealous
He flirts with other women in front of you. Talks about his ex, about how well she cooked. Brings up how other women want him.
He watches your reaction closely. Not because he cares, but because he wants to see how much you care.
He’ll call you crazy if you say something.
“You’re overthinking.”
“You’re insecure.”
But he knows exactly what he’s doing. And narcissistic men use it to keep you off-balance.
He Gives Positive Attention to Other Women
Even if you’re smart, beautiful, kind, he still seeks validation from others, in particular, from other women.
He compliments waitresses. Comments on Instagram models. Likes other women’s photos. Laughs too hard at that coworker’s jokes.
He needs female attention like it’s fuel. One woman is never enough.
It’s not because you’re lacking anything. It’s because narcissists are bottomless pits when it comes to validation.
And they’re never satisfied.
He Cheats (Or Has a History of It)
He might swear he’s loyal. He might say cheating is his biggest dealbreaker.
But if you look closer, there are signs. Messages from other women. Emotional affairs. Suspicious behavior.
Narcissistic men struggle with impulse control. They want excitement, novelty, ego boosts.
And they don’t feel bad about hurting people, because they lack empathy.
So they cheat. Then deny it. Then blame you for accusing them of cheating and play the victim.
He Floods His Social Media With Photos of Himself (Without You)
He’s always posting selfies, gym pics, or stories of his night out…always without you in sight.
He cares more about looking single and admired than showing off the relationship.
Narcissistic behavior is all about image. Social media becomes his stage.
And if you ever ask why you’re not in his posts? He’ll gaslight you. Or say, “Don’t be clingy.”
He Gaslights You When You Call Him Out
You confront him about something sketchy, and suddenly you’re the problem.
He’ll deny what you saw. Twist your words. Make you question your memory. “You’re imagining things.” “Don’t be so dramatic.”
He wants you confused and doubting yourself. Because when you don’t trust your own instincts, you’re easier to control.
And the more you second-guess yourself, the more power he gains.
You start apologizing for things that weren’t your fault. You silence yourself just to keep the peace. You stop bringing things up altogether.
That’s how gaslighting works. Quietly, but effectively, it erases your voice.
He Plays the Victim
He always has a sad story ready. His ex was crazy. His boss is toxic. His childhood was traumatic.
I mean, normally some of these things can be true in a person’s story, but with a narcissist you’ll notice one thing: they’ll never admit a mistake, they’re always the victim.
The narcissistic man uses pain as a shield and a weapon. It makes you feel bad for him, and it keeps you from holding him accountable.
So when he hurts you and you finally stand up for yourself? He’ll use the same old victim story. He’ll cry. He’ll twist everything and he’ll say, “You just don’t understand me.”
And suddenly you’re comforting the person who just hurt you. You’re apologizing, even if you didn’t do anything bad.
He makes you feel guilty for having normal reactions to his bad behavior.
Over time, you stop speaking up altogether, because every argument somehow ends with you apologizing.
He Lacks Real Empathy
He might act like he cares when it benefits him. But real emotional support? It’s missing.
When you’re sick, he’s annoyed. When you’re sad, he’s distant. You stop opening up because it feels pointless.
Narcissistic men can fake empathy when needed, but in real moments, the mask slips. Always. And deep down, you there’s always that underlying feeling: you feel lonely, even when he’s sitting right next to you.
He Cares Too Much About What People Think
A narcissistic man is obsessed with appearances. So he’ll go out of his way to impress strangers, but treats you like a nuisance at home.
He wants everyone to think he’s successful, kind, charming.
And he’ll protect that image at all costs.
Even if it means pretending. Even if it means throwing you under the bus. Even if it means ruining your reputation just to protect his own image.
He’s Charming With Others, Disrespectful With You
To everyone else, he’s a catch. Polite. Witty. So put together. But behind closed doors, he mocks you. He ignores you and dismisses your needs. Sound familiar?
When it’s just the two of you, he’ll act like you’re an inconvenience, roll his eyes at your emotions and shut down your opinions.
Meanwhile, in public, he’s sweet and attentive. Helpful to strangers. The guy who holds doors open and cracks jokes at dinner parties.
People compliment you on how great he is and tell you how lucky you are.
And you just nod, but you don’t say anything else, because deep down you know no one would believe you if you told them the truth.
You start to feel like you’re living with two different people. The charming version everyone sees… and the cold, dismissive one you go home to.
You might even ask yourself, “Why does he treat everyone better than he treats me?”
He Uses Intermittent Reinforcement to Keep You Hooked
This is one of the sneakiest forms of manipulation. He’s not awful all the time, just enough to break you down.
But every now and then, he’ll throw in a sweet gesture. A compliment. A good day. And it gives you just enough hope to stay.
You think, “Maybe he’s changing.” But he’s not.
That brief affection? It’s not real. It’s bait. Narcissistic men use this cycle: good, bad, good again, to keep you addicted to the relationship, hoping the nice version of him will come back.
He knows exactly what he’s doing. And it’s not love…but control.
He Feels Entitled to Everything
Narcissistic men walk around with a sense of entitlement that’s hard to miss once you see it. He expects special treatment, praise, and loyalty, without having to give any of that back.
He thinks he should always have the priority, for everything. There’s a line, he skips it or finds an axcuse to do that.
And when it comes to you?
He feels entitled to your time, your body, your energy, your forgiveness. And if he doesn’t get what he wants? He’ll guilt-trip you, punish you emotionally, or lash out. Every. Single. Time.
He thinks rules don’t apply to him. He believes the world owes him something. And if you challenge that belief, he’ll act like you’re the selfish one.
With narcissists, entitlement isn’t just a trait, it’s a mindset. And it poisons everything.
Final Thoughts
If these signs feel like your story (or part of it), you’re not alone. Narcissistic behavior in men often hides behind charm and confidence. But once you spot the patterns, you can start breaking free from their grip, and reclaim your peace.