In this article we will talk about how to be in your feminine energy with a man.
Society’s gender constructs would have you believe that men are strong, powerful, assertive, and rational while women are nurturing, emotional, submissive, and graceful.
It’s no wonder that these outdated standards have given rise to gender-fluid and non-binary gender identities.
Regular gender roles don’t allow men to be soft or women to ever truly be strong.
While I love being a woman, hormones and menstrual cycles aside, I’ve sometimes found it difficult to stay in my power in relationships.
Too often, I’ve been put in roles that didn’t suit me.
In one relationship, I always had to lead, and the emotional labor I was expending to keep the relationship and our lives together was exhausting. I felt like I had another child, not a full partner.
In another relationship, an emotionally abusive past partner kept pushing me toward a submission I certainly didn’t feel.
His attempts to break me down faltered and failed as I recovered my strength and severed the relationship.
In a healthier relationship, I was able to find more balance and be more myself than I’ve ever been before. I didn’t have to give up my identity or surrender qualities about myself that I like.
I just had the opportunity to be myself.
How to Be in Your Feminine Energy With a Man
All healthy relationships are balanced.
While some see that as a masculine/feminine structure, others find their balance in the distribution of household and relational tasks, in their strengths and challenges, or even in the division of space and time together.
Energy that doesn’t attract and complement will likely, in the end, repel.
1. Avoid Energy Vampires
To stay in your feminine energy, you’ll need to look out for energy vampires.
They’re the people we meet who simply take up all the space, time, and attention in our lives. They drain us of our power and leave us feeling exhausted after we spend time with them. And that’s how our energy easily shifts into a negative and unpleasant one.
It’s challenging to maintain separate energy and emotions when someone else is constantly putting demands on you.
Energy vampires can attract us in the beginning with their endless charm, but they take from us without ever giving anything in return.
There is no balance with an energy vampire.
They’ll steal time and energy from your self-care and from your other relationships in order to meet their own needs.
2. Discover Who You Are
What does your feminine energy mean to you?
This is different for everyone.
Some people embrace gender norms, others rebel against them, and still others are exploring what it means to define ourselves by a gender identity.
Because gender is a social construct, we define it. But what does it mean to you?
If being feminine, for you, means being gentle, intuitive, and nurturing, own that part of yourself.
If it means being strong and self-reliant, embrace it.
And if it means all of that and more, dig deeper to discover who you are and what parts of yourself you love and don’t want compromised.
Recommended read: Feminine Energy: What It Is and 9 Ways to Increase It
3. Mutually Agree to Relational Expectations
Relationships may have a standard culture construction, but we actually have quite a bit of freedom within them.
You can choose to be monogamous or polyamorous.
If throuples are what you like, those relationships are out there.
You can decide what kind of relationship you’ll have, and it should be something that is mutually agreed upon.
You have the opportunity to decide the division of labor in the relationship, how problems will be solved, and even how you spend your time together.
When you have these conversations, it’s easier to stay in your power and hold on to the qualities that make you who you are.
Unfortunately, we often skip this aspect of our relationships — leading instead with lust and attachment — and forget to talk about our expectations.
4. Allow the Full Range of Humanity in the Relationship
If you really want to be in your feminine energy with a man and have that respected, it’s important that you also honor your partner’s energy.
It’s important that anyone in the relationship has the freedom to express a full range of human emotion — even if it makes us uncomfortable.
Men should be able to nurture, cry, and grieve just like women.
Women should be allowed to be strong, assertive, and capable the way society has always allowed men.
When we allow the full range of humanity into our relationships, we can be soft without anyone thinking less of us or be strong without anyone taking offense.
5. Insist on the Freedom to Grow and Change
One of the key factors in being able to stay within one’s feminine energy is insisting upon the freedom to grow and change.
Today, your version of feminine expression could be short skirts and high heels, but tomorrow you may want to embrace the athletic version of yourself that’s strong, tough, and fresh-faced.
You’re not less of a woman based on how you dress, what you do for a living, or even what gender was assigned to you at birth.
You need the freedom to grow and change because you might have different needs at other points in your life.
You may want to be a little softer or a little stronger, a little more courageous or to lead more with your heart. And you can’t do this if you box yourself in or allow anyone else to do so.
6. Consider Therapy
If you still feel unsure that you’ll be able to stay in your feminine energy when you encounter masculine or other types of energy, it might be worth considering therapy.
Talking to a professional just might help you sort out how you’re feeling and why you seem to be struggling so much with maintaining your unique identity in relationships.
Instead of looking at mental health counseling as a personal failure, see it as a strength. It’s using expert tools to achieve your goals.
You wouldn’t feel shame for letting a professional handle your publicity or a chef cook your food.
Don’t feel shame for letting a therapist help guide you through a tough time so that you can emerge stronger than ever before.
While I will always recommend individual counseling, I also think that couples counseling could benefit many people — particularly if you go to counseling before your relationship has irreparable damage.
7. Break Your Cycles
Do you really want to stay in your feminine energy, or do you just want to have a relationship that isn’t toxic? Take a close look at your relationship history.
Does it make you smile or cringe?
We’ve all been there. Some of us stayed there for a long time, repeating toxic patterns in our relationships without really knowing why.
If you feel like you haven’t been able to fully embody who you are in your relationships, you might want to ask yourself if the problem is everyone else or if the problem is the people you’re choosing to befriend or partner.
Until you recognize your own patterns, become accountable for your choices, and begin creating change, you won’t find yourself in a healthy, happy relationship.
It’s so much easier to expect other people to change and to pull out the laundry list of bad behaviors in the people we encounter in our lives.
It’s uncomfortable to take a look at how our own past experiences and childhood traumas have impacted the way we behave in our relationships.
And it’s tough to see evidence of our own immaturity and then have to grow up. But it also helps us get what we want — a loving, balanced relationship.
How to Be in Your Feminine Energy With a Man – Final Thoughts
I like to think that we belong with other people, not to them.
We belong to ourselves alone, and sometimes, we’ll find another person or other people who simply fit into our lives.
They complement our energy and bring out the best in us, but they don’t get to define who we are.
To be in your feminine energy with a man:
- Avoid energy vampires
- Discover who you are
- Mutually agree to relational expectations
- Allow the full range of humanity in your relationships
- Insist on the freedom to grow and change
- Consider therapy
- Break your cycles
Each relationship you have in your life will be different from any relationship that came before — at least, it will be if you’re evolving rather than repeating past patterns.
If you want to stay firmly rooted in your power, these steps will help you get there.
It can be challenging to find the balance. I’ve so often given up my power — not because anyone insisted upon it but because my boundaries weren’t strong enough.
Holding a boundary is difficult.
It’s easier to get the instant gratification of people pleasing than to insist upon pleasing yourself by honoring your own boundaries.
It’s better for the relationship to have strong, healthy boundaries, but it’s certainly not the easiest path.
You can be soft and stay powerful. It really is possible — no matter how much the surrounding culture might tell you otherwise.
Vulnerability requires softness, but it also requires such enormous courage.
If you can be soft, you are strong. If you are strong, you can be soft.
Stay in your power, and the right partner will stand beside you in theirs.