How to Know You're Falling in Love

Love doesn’t come when you want it. It hits you when you least expect it, with someone you’d probably never imagined.

What they say is true: when you know, you know. One day you look at your person and you realize you feel something different, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. It’s a flower meant to bloom.

It might happen with the person you’re dating, with your best friend, with someone you’ve only ever face-timed.

While it’s a feeling you’ll recognize despite not having felt it before, here are some signs you’re falling in love.

1. You feel like you’re flying

Colors seem brighter, the world feels more hopeful, and the impossible becomes possible. I’ve heard lots of friends say they don't want to be in a relationship because they don't want to be “tied down.”

But the right relationship doesn’t feel like a trap. It sets you free.

“When you first fall in love, dopamine, the feel-good brain chemical associated with reward, is especially active. ‘That is a mood intensifier, so people feel extremely positive and very appreciated,’” Dr. Helen Riess, director of the Empathy and Relational Science Program at Massachusetts General Hospital, said.

If you feel like you’re flying or floating, it’s a sign you’re falling in love.

2. You know you’re falling in love when your lives become intertwined

One of the signs you’re falling in love is that you no longer see a future that doesn’t include your partner.

They’re there when you get your dream job, when you do groceries, when you plan a camping trip three months from now.

“We’ve made a life out of two,” as my girlfriend wrote once. You don’t just imagine dates and traveling, but Sunday brunch and Tuesday night binge-watching.

You live your life, and so do they, but they’re intertwined now—like vines tied around the same branch.

3. You want to make your partner feel loved

When you first start dating, all you care about is flirting. You want to make sure your partner knows you want them, which is good.

Flirting’s even necessary for long-term relationships, according to Certified Relationship Coach Chris Armstrong.

But once you start falling in love, you’ll feel the need to make sure your partner feels loved, too. You want them to know you’ll be there when they need you and that you’ll go out of your way when they feel sad or stressed.

You make their coffee in the mornings, and you hold their hand when you’re out. It’s not just about wanting, but safety and comfort.

4. You latch onto their every word

In the beginning, we go out of our way to make ourselves sound interesting. We share our best, most interesting, and funniest stories.

But later, you find yourself also caring about how their day went, whether or not they had a good sleep, their dreams, and what they struggled with at work. You consume their words the way you would your favorite novel.

Everything they say is worth listening to. What you might’ve found boring yesterday you find interesting today, just because they’re the ones saying it.

“When we’re falling in love, we tend to ‘study our beloved's every move, gesture, and word with steadfast interest, keen to know everything about this fascinating, one-of-a-kind creature,” says Maci Daye, a certified sex therapist.

5. The simplest things makes you happy when you’re in love

Sometimes I look at my girlfriend when she’s reading and I can feel the sun rise in my chest. She has a certain smile that only shows a part of her two front teeth that I find endlessly endearing.

The more you fall in love, the less it takes for you to fall in love deeper.

The small things become the big things. And the meaningless actions become the most meaningful ones. It doesn’t take much for your heart to beat out of your chest, and thats a sign you’re falling in love.

6. They become your safe place

Your partner goes from being someone you tentatively opened up to, to someone you call the second something goes wrong.

After a long day, it’s their arms you want to fall into.

They're the shoulder you want to cry on. I remember the day I stopped thinking, “I just want to go home and sleep,” and instead thought, “I just want to go to her and hug her.” Your partner becomes your safety and comfort.

Madeline Cooper, LCSW, a psychotherapist and certified sex therapist shared that, “when we feel an attachment to a partner, our bodies recognize a sense of security.

Long-lasting love gives a feeling of having a solid ground, a safe space where you can share your inner self and be vulnerable with your feelings.”

7. A sure sign you’re falling in love is when you finally feel comfortable being yourself

You no longer have to dress to impress, or take small, neat bites of your food, or quiet your loud laugh.

Your laugh echoes off the walls, you get buffalo sauce on your chin, and you slobber on their shirt when you fall asleep on their chest. And the best part is, they adore you for it.

You can be yourself. Your weird, crazy, lazy, opinionated self.

But another sign you’re falling in love is that you adore their imperfections and messiness too.

On those lazy, messy-haired days spent eating too much pizza, you both somehow end up falling deeper in love.

8. They’re your first call when you get good news

Just as this person is your safe place, they’re also the epitome of your personal party. When you get good news, you instantly call or text them.

When you get the job, they’re the person you want to celebrate with.

Dawoon Kang, co-founder and co-CEO of online dating platform Coffe e Meets Bagel, shared, “The most telling sign [that you’re falling in love] is if you find yourself wanting to divulge as much as you can with your love interest, from a small win at work to your relationship history.”

While I was nearing the end of my interview for my current job, the HR manager said to me: “I’d like to offer to the job right now,” and I got so excited to tell my girlfriend, I blanked out, imagining how happy she would be.

If your person is the person you want to celebrate with, it’s a sure sign you’re falling in love.

9. You prioritize them

Your partner doesn’t have to be your number one priority—or your number one priority all the time. But a sign you’re falling in love is that you make space for them without thinking about it.

My girlfriend and I are in a long distance relationship.

While some couples are okay with talking just a few times a week, we prefer to talk every day, even if only for half an hour.

She usually falls asleep at around three p.m. (my time), which is why I prefer keeping my mornings free so we can talk.

Two weeks ago, I had three morning shifts in a row, meaning we were unable to talk. Rather than keeping one of those shifts, I gave it away and took a night shift so my girlfriend and I could talk. It was an easy choice.

Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., LMFT wrote, “Love has a way of making you feel generous. When you feel good inside, you can’t avoid having a little overflow. Of course, you want to do lovely things for your other half.”

10. You want to be a better person

I'm sure you’ve heard this line in books and films: “You make me want to be a better person.” A sign you’re falling in love is that this line becomes your reality.

You’ll likely find that you want to be a better person for your partner.

You’ll want to improve your communication skills, face past traumas, or work on commitment issues.

It’s the main reason people say relationships are hard: because there’s a lot to face—not just personally but with your partner, too.

However, you also want to become a better person for yourself and the people around you. You might act kinder, be a better listener, or be more selfless.

In Psychology Today, Goldsmith wrote, “Love makes you want to do nice things. […] you will find that you also want to give more to those in need, because you want to share that wonderful feeling.”

Signs You're Falling in Love - Conclusion

Falling in love feels different for everyone, but most of the signs are the same.

If you want to know if you’re falling for your partner (or someone), here are the ten signs you’re falling in love, in summary.

Your lives are intertwined and you see a future with them
You feel like you’re flying and happier than ever
More than flirting, you want to make your partner feel loved
You’re curious about them and latch onto their every word
The simplest things makes you fall deeper in love with them
They became your safe place and you go to them for comfort
You feel comfortable being yourself (even if you look messy)
You call them before anyone else when you have good news
You prioritize and make time for them
You become a better person for them, yourself, and others

Falling in love can be scary, but if you feel it, don’t be afraid to say those three words when the moment feels right.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

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