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4 Qualities Most People Find Truly Attractive

In this article we will talk about the qualities most people find attractive.

Many associate attractiveness with appearance and status.

However — and I can’t stress this enough — the traits most of us find desirable in others often have nothing to do with looks, and focus mostly on someone’s character.

Qualities Most People Find Highly Attractive

A few days ago, I published a poll on Instagram asking people which trait they value most in others. They could only choose one trait.

Here are the four qualities most people said they find attractive in others, and how you can develop them.

1. Kindness

Kindness makes you the most beautiful person in the world, no matter what you look like.

Anonymous

Most people voted kindness. And that doesn’t surprise me. People who are genuinely kind are the best, they are not kind because they need something from you but because they mean it.

They are kind even in front of rudeness, which is disarming. Also, kind people stand out because they respect not only those who have power or a high social status, they respect everyone. And that’s something not everyone does.

They are amazing listeners and are inherently generous. They are able to give without expecting anything in return.

How to apply this, in a nutshell:

Try to be that person who brightens other people’s days. Here are a few random acts of kindness you can try:

  • Compliment a friend or a colleague — or even a stranger if you feel brave;
  • During a conversation with a loved one, get rid of the need of talking about yourself, and focus on them, start with a “tell me more;”
  • Buy a small gift for a friend;
  • Text a friend you haven’t talked to in a long time.

2. Honesty

We learned about honesty and integrity — that the truth matters… that you don’t take shortcuts or play by your own set of rules… and success doesn’t count unless you earn it fair and square.

Michelle Obama

Honesty is one of the best traits someone can have — or develop.

It’s not just about saying the truth, it’s about being your authentic self, always. It’s a quality many find attractive because it’s something not everyone has.

And it’s a quality you only have if you don’t need other people’s approval and accept who you truly are.

Honest people are the ones who tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear, and if you think about it, these are the people you want to surround yourself with.

These are the people we tend to trust the most because we know that, no matter what, they are truly authentic.

How to apply this, in a nutshell:

Don’t be afraid of being honest. Don’t be afraid of being your most authentic self. And remember this: if you are honest, the wrong people might walk away, but the right people will appreciate you, because in the long term they will trust you.

3. Empathy

Empathy is about finding echoes of another person in yourself.

Mohsin Hamid

Empathy is the ability to understand what other people feel and to put ourselves in their shoes.

It allows us to connect with others on a deep level, because it’s not only about understanding people but also about making them feel understood — and if you think about it, we all need to feel understood.

Empathy is what allows us to build meaningful relationships.

A lack of empathy, instead, can seriously damage any kind of relationship, because normally we don’t feel emotionally safe around those with a low level of empathy.

How to apply this, in a nutshell:

Empathy is complex, and it can be more difficult to develop in comparison with other traits such as kindness and honesty. However, here are a few things you can do if you feel you want to become more empathetic:

  • Always make sure you understand someone’s point of view before explaining yours, if you don’t, ask clarifying or follow-up questions;
  • Listen more than you talk;
  • Before judging someone, ask yourself how you would feel if you were in their position.

4. Humility

As explained in Positive Psychology, “Humility can be viewed as the opposite of pride, arrogance and an inflated sense of our importance and talents.”

I love this definition.

Many find humility special because humble people don’t feel superior to anyone, they don’t feel inferior either, and that makes them stand out. It makes them more “accessible” and human.

There is another reason why humility is considered an attractive trait; there is a concept called “relational humility” which, according to Worthington (2017) is the “Ability to prioritize the needs of a relationship.

It requires being sympathetic to the other person in the relationship and seeking to consider his or her fundamental needs, as well as shaping our behavior to elevate the other person’s agenda.”

And this can be applied to any type of relationship. It’s all about understanding that other people’s needs are as important as ours, and if you think about it, it goes hand in hand with empathy.

How to apply this, in a nutshell:

As Daryl R. Van Tongeren explains in Psychology Today, “humility is about seeing oneself as the right size — not too big (overinflated ego), but also not too small (timidly pusillanimous).”

Learn to see yourself as who you truly are.

Remember that you are special and unique — like everyone else, no one is superior or inferior.

Remember that we can all make mistakes, and we can all improve. See self-correction and self-improvement as your best allies — and their absence as your worst enemy.

Qualities Most People Find Attractive: Final Thoughts

The traits most people seem to value and find attractive in others are:

  • Kindness;
  • Honesty;
  • Empathy;
  • Humility.

As you can see, it isn’t always about looks. In fact, it’s almost never about appearance. When it comes to attractiveness, what truly matters is how we make others feel.

It’s about how we connect with people.

Image: iStock

The Truly Charming