If you’ve ever found yourself reading the same message over and over for clues, you’re in good company.
We all do it, particularly if we like that person and want to figure out if they like us back before we put ourselves out there. There are signs in these messages — if we’re paying attention.
Dating is far from an exact science. We might experiment and test out our theories about people and relationships, but there are no rules.
At the end of the day, we may feel like we know even less than when we began. The anthem of this journey might be a desperately declared, Make it make sense!
Most of us are learning what works and what doesn’t from trial and error without realizing that what worked for one person may not work for another.
With that being said, the following list is not, in fact, universal.
However, you just might learn something you didn’t know before about the way some women think.
How to Tell if a Girl Likes You Over Text, According to a Former Therapist
While some women might play games and operate from an emotional immaturity, most of us are very clear about how we feel.
We may not always use the words “I like you”, but we’re saying it nonetheless — if you’re paying attention.
Here are a few signs she likes you over text.
Why listen to me? I’m Crystal Jackson and I was a master’s level licensed therapist. I worked with couples and individuals and specialized in trauma recovery and empowerment. I now write content about relationships, self-improvement and psychology. My work has been featured on large publications such as Elite Daily, Your Tango, Positively Positive, Mamamia, and The Good Men Project.
1. She responds quickly
One of the main signs a girl likes you over text is she doesn’t leave a message hanging all day.
She’s more likely to make that message a priority and respond quickly. She doesn’t want you to think she’s not interested, and she’s excited to hear from you.
Of course, this isn’t a universal rule. Maybe she’s got a full plate and will text just as soon as it’s possible for her to tune into you.
Chances are, however, that she’s texting back quickly if she’s into you. She’ll probably even let you know when she won’t be available so that you’ll realize it’s about her busy schedule and not a lack of interest.
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2. She flirts back
Flirting back doesn’t sound like “awww” or “that’s so sweet”. Those are deflections. If you compliment her, she’s likely to compliment you right back.
She uses your flirtation as an open door and walks right in. She doesn’t change the subject or ignore what you just said.
If you keep giving compliments and she’s not dishing them out in return, she’s probably not interested.
Most of the time, a woman who’s interested will flirt back and let you know she’s into you, too.
3. She keeps the conversation going
A woman who likes you will continue the conversation.
She’ll ask about you, introduce new subjects, or just check back in with you later. She’s continuing the conversation, not finding polite ways to end it.
Pay attention. Does she ever ask you questions, or is she just answering yours? Someone who likes you will want to keep the contact going.
4. She shares personal information about her life
If she only tells you what any stranger knows about her from social media, she might not be that into you — or maybe she’s just a bit reserved.
However, if she’s sharing personal information and opening up to you, there’s a good chance she’s not just passing the time texting. She probably likes you.
Personal details and self-disclosure show that she wants you to know her. This doesn’t mean she over-shares. Over-sharing can simply be an indication of poor boundaries.
There’s a difference between intentional disclosure and word vomiting into your DMs.
5. She initiates conversations
One of the clearest signs a girl like you over text is she will initiate conversations. She just won’t wait around hoping you’ll reach out.
Don’t be surprised if you receive a “good morning”, “good night”, or even a message checking on you during the day. This is one clue that a girl likes you.
When she initiates conversations, you know she’s been thinking about you. It shows effort and a desire for connection.
You might feel certain about her level of interest, but when she keeps reaching out, she’s letting you know she likes you.
6. She sends you memes all the time
Memes are a modern love language.
Does she send you memes that are specific to your interests or a conversation you had? This is a big hint that she likes you.
Unless she has a spectacular meme catalogue on hand — and some of us do — she probably had to go find that particular meme to send you, or she saw that meme online and immediately thought of you.
Either way, a meme can be a way to show someone you like them.
7. She teases you
A lot of women will tease their love interests. If her sense of humor is strong, she might playfully pick on you during conversations. She’s never unkind.
She’s just flirting with you using humor.
If this one is hard to decipher, here’s what you need to know. If her humor is mean, she’s not into you or is too emotionally immature for a healthy relationship.
Instead, if her humor is teasing but kind, she likes you.
8. She doesn’t leave you hanging
One of the most important signs a girl likes you over text is she’ll wrap up conversations without leaving you hanging.
She’ll let you know she’s going to sleep and needs to end the conversation. She’ll give you a heads up if she won’t be able to talk for a while.
She won’t just stop replying unless there’s an emergency or she’s fallen asleep — and if she’s tired enough to fall asleep, she’ll probably warn you first.
She doesn’t just disappear and leave you wondering where she went.
Because she likes you, she’s invested in the conversation and keeps you updated about times she’ll be unavailable.
She’s communicating with you, and the hidden message here is that she likes you.
9. She doesn’t send short, lazy replies
This one is simple.
If you only ever get short or monosyllabic replies, they don’t like you.
There’s no need to analyze it further. If someone doesn’t open up the conversation, they just aren’t interested in having one.
You might have noticed that the girl you’re into never sends short replies. She’s more likely to send longer texts, often filled with emojis.
Whether you find this cute or exhausting, she’s letting you know that she’s putting time and energy into talking to you. It’s a good thing — a sure sign she’s into you.
Recommended read: How to Tell if a Girl Truly Likes You: 12 Undeniable Signs
10. She double texts
One of the most important signs a girl likes you over text is she double texts you.
She’s not following the normal “rules” of dating where she waits for you to text and then has to wait an “appropriate” amount of time to text back.
Not only are her text replies to you instant, but she will sometimes double text and send you back-to-back messages even if you haven’t yet had a chance to respond.
Most of the time, someone who does this isn’t trying to be pushy or ignore boundaries. She’s excited to talk to you.
She’s not trying to play by any rules. She likes you enough to want to connect even if societal wisdom would tell her to wait and see how it plays out.
11. She sends you pictures
One of the clearest signs a girl likes you over text is she sends you pictures – and she does that very often.
Someone who is sending you pictures just might like you. Of course, maybe she just likes you as a friend and this is how she communicates with friends.
If she’s sending you cute selfies or flirty snapshots, she just might be letting you know that she likes you. She might even send you pictures that aren’t of her.
Pictures of her cat, of the cool sunset she just caught, or even of something that made her think of you could appear in your messages.
It’s a hint, and it’s not subtle.
Remember to download your free cheat sheet What High-Quality Women Really Want.
Some Useful Tips to Keep in Mind
If she’s not checking every box on this list, don’t be discouraged.
Here are a few things to keep in mind.
1. Women aren’t all the same
Don’t assume you know what this woman is thinking or feeling. She could be shy or a little more reserved than others.
Ask her if you’re uncertain.
2. Realize that someone you haven’t met yet might not be as engaged as someone you’ve seen in person
I’m speaking for the women like me who just don’t get that invested in texts with a stranger.
We might like you from what we know of you and still not put any more energy into the interaction until we can meet in person. If you’re interested in her, ask her out.
If she still doesn’t seem invested after you’ve met her in person, she’s probably not.
3. Think about your expectations
Do you expect her to be available to you at any hour of the day or not?
Do you get massive anxiety if she doesn’t immediately respond?
This could be a you problem — and a sign that you have some healing to do that has nothing to do with her.
Work on your issues and get healthy so that you aren’t triggered if a busy person isn’t always available to you and your needs.
4. Clarify what you’re looking for
Too often, people stop this conversation at “I want a long-term relationship” or “I just want something casual”.
We don’t always take that next step to really set the expectations.
It’s a good idea to be specific and talk about the type of relationship we’re looking for.
If we’re busy and want a long-term relationship but one that has a healthy amount of trust and space, we should probably start defining that.
If we work long hours or have limited childcare, we should probably talk about what dating and communication will look like for a potential partner.
5. See the reality, not your fantasy
It’s easy to just see what we want to see rather than pay attention to the reality of the situation. If we want them to like us, we might ignore all the deflections that tell us they don’t.
If we are invested in them, we might choose to interpret their excuses as anything but disinterest.
It’s important to face up to the reality.
If she doesn’t seem that engaged, maybe she’s not. It could be that she doesn’t like you, or it could just be that the conversations you’ve initiated just aren’t that engaging.
Are you living in the land of small talk or have you ventured further into wider topics of conversation?
Part of seeing the reality is owning up to your effort, engagement, and participation.
Don’t expect anyone to really invest in a truly boring conversation or one that always circles back around to sex.
Don’t forget to download your free cheat sheet What High-Quality Women Really Want.
The Golden Rule and Best Rule of Thumb for Dating
Dating might not be an exact science, but the best rule of thumb for dating is to (a) treat other people the way we would like to be treated and (b) ask if you need clarity.
People are not mind readers. No, not even women. If you’re not sure if she’s interested, ask her.
She might open up about the big-time stressor that’s taken away her time and focus, or she may admit that she just wants to be friends. You’ll never know if you don’t ask.
Conclusion
You can’t control whether or not she likes you, but if you treat her the way you want to be treated, you’ll at least know that you did what was right – even if it turns out she just doesn’t feel the same way about you.
There’s nothing wrong with being flirty, sending messages, and trying to connect with someone you like.
If you find out they’re not interested later, you can move on to someone who will appreciate all the ways you care and connect. Don’t take it personally and do continue treating other people kindly.
Are you reading that message again and trying to figure out the secret code? Come closer. I’ll tell you the secret.
There is no secret code. She’s probably being pretty obvious if she likes you or doesn’t. You just need to make sure you’re paying attention.