In this post we will talk about the signs he likes you but is playing it cool.
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When you have been great friends with a man for a while and you start liking him, you start wondering if he likes you too.
This at times puts you in a dilemma as you don’t understand which signs to look out for.
I was perplexed when I first started feeling attracted to my friend Akshat back in 2019. I didn’t know how to recognize the indicators that he liked me.
And I used to become annoyed at the silliest things and my mood was ruined in no time. I stressed too much about what would happen if Akshat didn’t like me back.
That was how much I wanted him to be a part of my life.
Around the same time, my friend Kanchan got into a relationship with Jai. When I saw them together, I realized things weren’t very different between me and Akshat.
That’s when I picked up signs from their relationship and tried to compare them with my situation.
And I started to understand the guy I liked so much had feelings for me too – he was just trying to hide it.
Signs He Likes You, Even If He Is Playing It Cool
See, it is a known fact that many people are shy around someone they really like.
In particular, some men are afraid of rejection and tend to play it cool as a defense mechanism.
They believe with time things will get sorted. With these men it is even more difficult to understand if they actually like you.
Here are six research-backed signs he likes you even if he’s playing it cool.
1. He tells you everything that’s going on in his life
We meet many people on a daily basis. There’s the friendly neighbor, the gossipy coworkers, the friend we contact to talk about our job, and then there’s the person we like.
We frequently share details about our lives with this person, such as what our boss told us that wrecked our day or the dinner and snack selection we had at our favorite restaurant.
We spill out everything without even having a second thought about the relevance it may hold.
According to this article on Mom Junction, when a guy shares his personal matters with you, he often does that because he feels connected to you.
He wants you to understand him better and be a part of everything he goes through in life.
If someone tells you all the details going on in their life and for them the day is not complete if they don’t talk to you, it usually means they like you.
2. He plays hot and cold
This is one of the most important signs he likes you but is playing it cool.
On some days he will seem to be really into you, while on other days you might feel ignored.
Often, this happens when a guy doesn’t know how to behave around you – and because he gets nervous.
At times you will feel like he is looking at you or searching for you all the time during a party, while at other times you’ll feel like he just doesn’t care.
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3. His body language shows he’s actually interested
When it seems like he’s ignoring you, when he talks to anyone except you, pay attention to his body language.
When a guy is playing it cool but actually likes you, his body will betray him.
He will do things like involuntarily pointing his feet and chest towards you. And he will do this consistently.
Or your friends might tell you he’s staring at you – and as soon as you look at him, he looks away.
Introverts often act like extroverts for the sake of their careers, or private life. They usually switch between our different personas without knowing it, writes Elizabeth Garone.
It is common for shy people to hide their true emotions when around someone they like.
“We are all broken, that’s how the light gets in.”— Ernest Hemingway
4. He listens to you with the intent to understand
He may play it cool, a lot, but when you two are together, he listens actively to everything you have to say. And when you’re with him, you feel understood.
I’ve told Akshat about my mistake of abandoning my dream job in favor of pursuing Post-Graduation more than ten times, and I admire how he listened to them without getting bored.
Men who like you, listen and do not get bored even if you end up repeating the same story.
If they care about a woman, men motivate them and ensure they are doing well in life.
This article on Psychology Today says that women’s top complaint about men was that they are lousy listeners and men agreed.
Men generally have learned to listen to get the facts, but if you have a man who is listening to you like the world revolves around you, you are truly very lucky.
Listening is an art and if you are someone who likes to talk endlessly and share everything you have in your mind, you have got a very good partner for life.
5. He seeks information about you indirectly
A man who genuinely likes you will frequently look for an excuse to speak with you.
- He may be your colleague at work or a long-time buddy on Facebook, but he won’t text you unless there is a contribution plan for a gift to be given to a mutual friend. He will text you seeking gift ideas or to plan a party.
- You will find and excuse to talk to you and pick your number from a friends WhatsApp group instead of asking you directly.
- He also is curious about your relationship status and may ask a mutual friend.
Regarding this last point, most shy men – especially those who are afraid of rejection – want to make sure you’re single before asking you out.
If you think about it, knowing the relationship status of someone you’re interested in is important.
What if the man starts hitting on a girl who’s already in a relationship with someone else?
According to an article on Psychology Today one common mistake that often derails a promising relationship is rushing into it quickly.
Do you remember your crush asking a friend about your relationship status? Does he listen carefully when you talk about other guys?
He might be in the process of asking you out and making sure you are single.
Recommended read: FWB Relationships: Meaning and Rules to Make It Really Work
6. He wants to know more about you
Even if sometimes he plays it cool, you’ll notice that when you’re together he tries to know more about you.
In particular, he wants to know what kind of personality you look for in a potential long-term partner.
Because he wants to look like that person as much as possible. He will be curious about your history of relationships, will ask questions, and try to understand you.
He will try to get details on your mindset and life goals, trying to sneak in these questions into the conversation without making it evident.
At times, a girl is more open to discussing life and relationships with a best friend.
And this is one of the reasons it’s quite common for men to try to be best friends first. As Gary W. Lewandowski Jr. Ph.D. explains, when your partner is also your best friend, the relationship is more likely to succeed.
The people who consider their partner as best friend have a more satisfying relationship than others. So, if you have someone asking you for details about your past relationships and what you look for in a man, chances are that he likes you.
7. He tries to be a part of your life
Little things can mean everything in a relationship.
A bouquet of flowers is nice, yet there are so many other ways to express affection and love. The effects they have on your mood can last long after the flowers have wilted.
The little things and small, nice relationship gestures are some of the most powerful ways we can nurture and build our relationships.
Does he ask you out often? Do you spend most of the time together either through calls or chats?
If he’s consistently trying to get you know you better, he likes you. He will ask for details about your family, friends, education, insecurities, likes, and dislikes.
He will debate over things he doesn’t like and convince you over some other.
You will start feeling like you have become an integral part of his life. He will ask you for suggestions on major decisions and will always wait for you before making a big move.
You will evolve through the things, and yet, you’ll always have him beside you. He will call you up when he’s stressed over an issue and will feel lighter after talking his heart out.
He will tell you about his future plans and will always be open to your suggestions. And he will love it if you talk and get deeply involved in things.
He will communicate assertively, healthily handle conflict and always respect you.
Recommended read: How to Tell if a Shy Guy Likes You: 7 Signs He’s Actually Interested
Even if you see a lot of clues he really likes you, the most important key is how he makes you feel.
Have you got a rock to rely on? Do you think you have found a best friend – and not just a partner? Do you feel happy around him?
If you are happy, you have got your answer. Because liking and loving someone makes you happy!
Our contact list may have a hundred numbers, and fifty people may write ‘Happy Birthday’ on our Facebook wall every year. But what we look for is that message. The message from that special person.
And if it’s at midnight or someone plans a surprise, our happiness multiplies by 10.
So, why do small things, such as a birthday greeting, a phone call when you’re down, or a cup of coffee on a bad day, mean so much more than parties and clubbing?
Because we value the joy of small things.
If you have someone in your life consistently doing these little things for you every day, like calling you, showing up when you are sick, motivating you to be a stronger person each day, and including you in their life as well, they probably like you.
Even if sometimes they play it cool.
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Summing up, here are the seven signs he likes you even if he’s playing it cool:
- He tells you everything happening in his life;
- Plays hot and cold;
- His body language shows he’s actually interested;
- Listens to you, with the intent to understand;
- Indirectly seeks information about you;
- He wants to know more about you and what you look for in a potential partner;
- He tries to be a part of your life.