Are you looking for some signs he thinks you’re too good for him? Do you suspect he thinks you’re out of his league?
In this post we’re going to cover this topic in detail.
It’s a tale as old as time. Girl meets boy. Girl dates boy. Boy sabotages the relationship because he suspects that the girl in question is too good for him. He might even be right.
Of course, you can substitute any variety of genders here, and the equation still works.
Some relationships just don’t work out because one person in the relationship gets in their own way by assuming they are outmatched, outclassed, and generally dating out of their league.
7 Signs He Thinks You’re Too Good for Him, According to a Former Therapist
It’s possible that he thinks you’re too good for him. Before we talk about why he might be right, let’s talk about the signs that he’s beginning to feel this way.
Keep in mind: This is insecurity rearing its ugly head, and it doesn’t necessarily reflect the accuracy of the situation. This is just how he might be feeling, and you’ll want to watch for these signs.
They can indicate a potential problem within your relationship. Left unchecked, these feelings could erode the foundation you’ve built.
Why listen to me? I’m Crystal Jackson and I was a master’s level licensed therapist. I worked with couples and families and specialized in trauma recovery and empowerment. I now write content about relationships and psychology. My work has been featured on Elite Daily, Your Tango, Positively Positive, Mamamia, and The Good Men Project.
1. He Comments on Lifestyle Discrepancies
Everything is bright and shiny in the first flush of a relationship, but you might want to put on some sunglasses so you don’t miss this.
The man who thinks you’re too good for him will comment on lifestyle discrepancies.
If it seems like you’ve got your shit together while he’s struggling to even vaguely resemble a functioning adult, he might comment on the lifestyle discrepancies between you.
If you’re living on your own while he’s back with his parents or has roommates, he might mention it. And if you’ve got the whole adulting thing down complete with closet organization, he might marvel over it.
There’s a big difference between admiring these things and hinting that the two of you might not be well-matched.
2. He’s Self-Conscious About Being Less Educated
According to Pew Research Center, women now surpass men in terms of education. Over half of women have at least a bachelor’s degree with many pursuing a postgraduate education.
This can create a skewed dating field where women are often more highly educated than men.
As a woman with a master’s degree, I can attest to this. Many dating prospects have either a high school diploma or undergraduate degree.
If you want to know if he’s insecure about his lack of education, check his dating profile for School of Life or School of Hard Knocks, a joking way to proclaim his lack of higher education.
This could hint at a deeper insecurity about your level of education compared to theirs.
Another indicator that this is a problem for him is if he comments frequently on how smart you are, usually in contrast to how dumb he feels sometimes.
If he thinks you’re a lot smarter, he could cross the line from being impressed to being intimidated. Never dumb down who you are for a partner or potential partner but recognize that this insecurity could be a warning sign.
3. He’s Insecure About Income Disparity
He might also think you’re too good for him if your income or personal wealth is higher. He might hint that there’s an obvious income disparity in the relationship.
This can be especially true if you’re used to more expensive dates, but he’s not in the same income bracket.
You might not want to talk about money when dating, but if he’s showing some insecurity, it might be time to have a conversation about why this makes him uncomfortable.
You might enjoy a night in with a pizza over a fine dining experience if that’s more in line with his budget, but it’s important to talk about these issues as a relationship progresses.
It’s possible that he might feel uncomfortable about the fact that you make more money, which is definitely a him problem and not a you problem. Still, it could be a sign that he’s on his way to sabotaging the relationship.
Recommended read: 19 Signs He Genuinely Loves You, According to a Former Therapist
4. He Recognizes That You Are More Successful
You might feel a little hint of competition if you are more successful in your career than he is in his. If he’s drawn attention to your success and contrasted it with his own career, you might be headed for troubled waters.
There’s a difference between respecting and admiring your success and feeling like it somehow makes him less successful in comparison.
If your career is thriving and his is struggling to take off, this is something he could feel.
It’s possible that you’re just not in the same place in life. While this might not be an insurmountable obstacle for you, it could feel that way for him.
5. He Notices When Other People Like You Before You Do
Is he always pointing out that you’re in high demand in relationships? Does he notice when other people like you before you even get a clue? It could be a sign he thinks he’s out of his league.
You might even notice that he hints at you being the better looking of the two of you.
His self-deprecating humor could be a warning sign of low self-esteem or a need for more reassurance about your attraction to him.
If he thinks that you’re highly desirable and he’s not, he could think you’re just too good for someone like him.
This also applies in case you’re not in a relationship.
For example, you hang out with the same group of friends, you like him, you know he likes you, but he never makes a move. It’s very likely that he doesn’t ask you out or doesn’t ask your number because he thinks you’re out of his league.
6. He Worries That He Can’t Meet Your Needs
One of the signs he thinks you’re out of his league is he will worry that he can’t meet your needs. He might worry about how he can be good enough when he thinks you’re just too good for him.
The underlying worry is that you’ll wake up one day and see that you’ve settled for less than you deserve.
Ultimately, he’s terrified you’ll leave him.
Unfortunately, relationships don’t come with a guarantee. Not even marriage can offer that.
But his constant worry over whether or not he’s good enough could put strain on the relationship and ultimately become its downfall.
It’s also possible he’ll tilt from thinking he’s not good enough to deciding that you’re the problem.
7. He Says It Outright
If he says that he’s too good for you, he means it — even if he says it like it’s a joke. He’s not kidding around.
A man who says he’s not good enough for you might be pointing out how much he appreciates and values you, depending on his tone and the context.
It’s also possible that he says it in a way that loudly broadcasts insecurity. In the latter case, it may even sound like some kind of accusation.
You might feel tempted to dismiss these comments, but they matter. In the healthiest of relationships, both people feel appreciative of their partner.
Each person feels like the lucky one. But in unhealthy relationships, one person feels like they are lucky but assumes that means the other person has been unlucky to be saddled with them.
This is not a good recipe for a lasting relationship.
In Conclusion: Why It Matters if He Thinks This Way
If he thinks you’re too good for him, he’s probably right. That may sound harsh, but I’ll clarify what I mean.
Someone who tries to make you feel uncomfortable about being more successful or educated is not a good match for you. You cannot fix their insecurities or make them see their own worth.
You are not responsible for making yourself smaller so that they feel better about themselves.
Furthermore, the perspective that you’re too good for him is a glaring red flag of his insecurity and lack of self-worth.
This is something he can work out with a therapist. It’s not a problem that you need to solve, or even one you can solve.
Sadly, if he doesn’t work on this issue, he’ll likely begin to sabotage the relationship because he doesn’t think he deserves it in the first place.
Maybe you’re not a good fit right now
Trust me when I say that you cannot love anyone enough to convince them to love themselves.
No matter how amazing you think they are, you can’t make them see it. In the end, the man who constantly feels like he’s not enough will need therapy if there’s even a hope of saving the relationship.
It’s a pretty safe bet that at some point in this man’s life, he somehow started to feel like he was not good enough. Trauma in childhood or in past relationships could be responsible, but it’s his job to fix them.
If he doesn’t feel like he’s good enough for the relationship, there’s a reasonable chance that the two of you just aren’t on the same page right now.
As much as you might love and value one another, his feelings could be an indicator that you just aren’t the best fit.
You deserve to have a partner who cheers you on as you succeed, not one who is trying to compete with you every step of the way.
You deserve a partner who feels like the luckiest person in the world without it taking anything away from how they feel about themselves.
And you deserve to enjoy a good life without having someone hovering around you comparing it to their own.
In short, you deserve someone who isn’t going to undermine the relationship just because they’re feeling insecure.
What if we spin a new tale?
Girl meets boy; girl dates boy.
Girl and boy appreciate each other and see the value they each bring to the relationship; girl and boy feel good about their chances of making it in this crazy world. They might even be right.