In this article, we will talk about how to recognize the signs of genuine attraction.
A few months ago, my friend Mary came to my place for dinner.
We had planned a cozy girls’ night, and we were supposed to eat pizza and watch a movie.
However, when she arrived, she had a sad look and a bottle of wine in her hands. “I need to talk,” she told me.
And as soon as she stepped into my apartment, she broke into tears.
Luke, the guy she was dating — and she was head over heels for — had canceled their plans three times in a row that week.
We talked for hours.
She tried to analyze his behavior and all the potential reasons behind what he was doing.
“Maybe he’s busy with work,” “Maybe he’s depressed,” “Maybe he needs time to acknowledge his feelings,” “Maybe he’s playing hard to get because he likes you.”
At the end of the day, the reality was he wasn’t showing interest.
The signs of true attraction (and lack of attraction) are usually right under our nose
We’ve all been there at some point.
We’ve all been head over heels for someone who just wasn’t into us as much as we hoped. It happened to me too.
I’ve found myself analyzing someone else’s behaviors and messages countless times.
As I’ve also found myself avoiding people I wasn’t attracted to.
I pretended I didn’t see their calls, told them I was busy at work, and replied to their messages after days.
Just because I didn’t have the guts to tell them I wasn’t interested in a relationship with them.
And believe me, I’m not proud of it.
When someone is emotionally interested in you, you probably won’t find yourself analyzing their behavior or asking yourself if they’re just busy.
You’ll feel their interest.
Unless you’re a mind reader, it’s almost impossible to know exactly how someone feels about you.
However, there are a few things that can tell you if someone is attracted to you.
What follows are a few signs of true attraction that can help you understand whether someone is attracted to you or not.
1. One of The Signs of True Attraction Is the Smile You Can’t Control
Years ago, while I was spending a semester in Barcelona to learn Spanish, I had a crush on a guy — let’s call him Pedro — who I perceived unattainable.
I thought he would never notice this shy Italian girl who could barely speak his language.
We hang out with the same group of friends; he was nice and friendly with me, but nothing more.
Then, we slowly got to know each other, found out we had plenty of things in common, and he gradually started to open up.
After a while, I noticed he tended to spend more time talking to me than to the rest of our group and smiled a lot when he was around me.
It was that type of smile which involves not only your mouth but also your eyes and that you can hardly contain.
According to an article published in Psychology Today, when someone is genuinely attracted to you, they typically smile more than usual, making direct eye contact, often with a slow glance away, but still holding the smile.
And that’s the exact type of smile Pedro had on his face when he saw me.
One of the signs of genuine attraction is this type of smile, the smile you can’t control.
2. They Remember Many Details About You
One night, I was with the same group of people, and we were celebrating Pedro’s best friend’s birthday.
We were having a conversation about how we all met.
And I noticed how Pedro remembered every single detail about the day we met, even what I was wearing and some funny anecdotes I told him about my childhood.
He also remembered I shared with him my fear of bees.
That same night he confessed to me he saw me as more than a friend.
You see, if someone is not emotionally attracted to you, they won’t bother to retain information about you.
This means that sometimes they’ll remember something, while at other times — actually most of the time — they won’t.
When someone is genuinely into you, instead, they will remember most of what you told them.
One of the most important signs of attraction is someone remembering many details about you.
They might remember small details such as something you did during your dates or even the shoes you wore.
Because in the end, we remember the things we care about. This is why one of the most important signs of attraction is someone remembering many details about you.
3. They Can’t Wait to Spend Time With You
I remember a guy I dated during the high-school.
After a few weeks of dating, he started to postpone or even cancel our dates. He was clearly not that into me, so I called it quits and moved on.
Later, I met my first long-term boyfriend — let’s call him Daniel — and I remember I could definitely feel a different kind of interest.
He insisted on seeing me at least once or twice a week. He never canceled plans and always kept his word.
And he was often the one to take the initiative and ask me out. I remember one day he came back after a one-week trip with the university, and he called me immediately asking me if I had plans for that weekend, as he couldn’t wait to see me.
Someone who is truly into you usually can’t wait to spend time with you.
This is one of the most important signs of true attraction – if not the most important one.
Someone who is emotionally into you will insist on seeing you regularly.
There will be a first date, then a second one, then a third one, and you won’t find yourself seeing them once every two months.
You’ll probably see them weekly — if you are interested to know them better too, of course.
4. They Make Your Dates Special
One of the most important signs of attraction is when someone makes a consistent effort to make your dates special.
Anytime I went on a date with Daniel, he always planned something new or a fun activity.
For example, for one of our first dates, he took me to a blues jam session on a beautiful terrace downtown; another day, we went bowling; also, we often went hiking.
He always had something exciting in mind.
And it was the same thing for me.
For example, one day, I surprised him and took him to see a volleyball match as I knew he loved it.
I would have never done the same thing with someone I was not genuinely attracted to.
If someone feels emotionally attracted to you, they will often take initiative and plan something new and exciting.
Of course, that doesn’t mean they have to be the only one to propose new things.
It doesn’t mean they have to take you for dinner in a five-star restaurant or on a trip to the Bahamas.
It could simply be taking you to a nice bar downtown, to a concert, or to play pool.
5. They Respect Your Rhythm
Someone who is emotionally attracted to you will respect your rhythm.
For example, for you, it might take longer than normal to introduce your date to your friends or your family.
For them, it might take a while to feel ready to be intimate with you.
And it’s completely fine.
When there is true, emotional attraction, there is also the patience to wait.
When someone is clearly into you, they will respect your rhythm and show patience, even if they have to wait a bit to be intimate with you or meet your family.
And this is one of the most significant signs they are genuinely into you.
Sometimes we should be more honest with ourselves, have the guts to admit a relationship isn’t for us, and move on.
Every minute you spend wondering about someone who doesn’t show real interest, you’re closing yourself towards a new opportunity.
If someone feels emotionally attracted to you, you will feel it. You will see the signs of attraction we mentioned.
Someone who is genuinely into you will do things such as smiling a lot around you, remembering small details, insisting on spending time together, making your dates unique, and be willing to respect your rhythm.
Someone who feels truly attracted to you won’t necessarily show all of these signs.
However, they will probably show the majority of them.
And their actions will speak louder than their words.
Image: svetlanasokolova on Freepik
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