I used to believe my narcissistic ex had finally moved on. I assumed he was probably with the person I suspected he had been seeing behind my back, which was actually what pushed me to go no contact in the first place.
Still, I couldn’t get rid of that strange feeling that he was somehow keeping tabs on me.
Then came the hoover. He reached out with a casual, friendly message, acting as though nothing had ever happened. Soon after, fake Facebook accounts started sending me friend requests.
That’s when I realized the truth: narcissists don’t truly move on. They circle back. They linger in the background.
They watch from a distance. Even when they’re with someone new, they may still monitor you, try to control the story, and look for ways to pull your attention back toward them.
If your instincts tell you something isn’t right, listen to them.
Here are the signs your narcissistic ex still hasn’t let you go.
Why listen to me? I’m Sira Mas and I’m a relationship coach. I write about self-improvement, love, dating and psychology. My work has been featured on large publications such as Mamamia, Plenty of Fish, Ladders, Entrepreneur and Thrive Global.
1. They’re always watching from the shadows, even if you don’t notice
They view your Instagram story seconds after you post it. Like a photo buried two years deep in your feed. Check your LinkedIn profile from a “private” account.
Or they leave no digital trace at all, but casually ask mutual friends, “So, how is she doing?”
That isn’t harmless curiosity. It’s surveillance disguised as interest.
Narcissists don’t keep checking because they genuinely care. They’re searching for proof that you’re still hurt, still alone, or still thinking about them.
And when they see you healing, thriving, and becoming happier without them, it doesn’t just threaten their ego. It infuriates them.
The silent watching is how they try to keep one foot in your life after you’ve already closed the door.
2. They post as if they’re living their best life, with someone new
Suddenly, they’ve found “the love of their life.” Again.
Now they’re flooding social media with beach photos, candlelit dinners, and dramatic “soulmate” captions, as though they didn’t just leave you emotionally shattered.
I wouldn’t call that happiness. I’d call it a performance with a very specific audience: you.
Narcissists don’t simply want to move on. They need you to watch them “win.”
And what better way to do that than publicly showcasing their newest supply…sorry, partner?
They’re hoping to provoke something: jealousy, anger, sadness, anything that proves they can still affect you.
React, and you give them exactly what they wanted. Stay silent, and the performance loses its purpose.
Most of the time, the new relationship is less about genuine connection and more about keeping you emotionally invested while pretending they’ve forgotten you.
3. They send flying monkeys to spy on you
Have you noticed someone unexpected suddenly liking every post you share?
Or an old mutual friend reappearing with a casual “just wanted to see how you’re doing”?
Chances are, it isn’t as innocent as it seems.
When narcissists lose direct access to you, they may recruit other people to reopen the door for them.
These so-called flying monkeys gather information, pass along guilt-laced messages, or quietly test whether you might still respond.
It may look like harmless concern, but it can be manipulation by proxy.
Every detail you share can travel straight back to the narcissist. And every response shows them there’s still a route into your life.
Don’t feed the messenger, and you won’t feed the narcissist behind them.
4. Somehow they copy your energy, your style, your success
They used to mock your interests. Now they’re posting quotes about healing and watching the same shows you loved.
They start acting like the version of you they once belittled, and become passionate about your hobbies they despised so much when you were together.
This is a sneaky form of obsession. Narcissists don’t know how to create an identity…they steal one.
And if they’re still copying you, they’re still energetically entangled.
Basically they want to blur the lines so they can keep parts of you even when you’re gone. Creepy? Yes. But it’s also proof you still live rent-free in their mind.
5. They create fake profiles to watch you
No likes. No views. No obvious sign they’re around.
Yet something tells you they’re still watching? Trust that feeling.
I’m telling you this because, as I said before, I’ve been there. I knew he was keeping tabs on me, and eventually, I found out I was right.
Narcissists love finding ways to monitor you after you’ve blocked them. They may create fake accounts, view your stories through anonymous profiles, or even impersonate someone you know just to regain access.
Why? Because they need to believe you’re still within their reach.
This isn’t love or genuine concern. It’s control, ego, and the refusal to accept that you’ve taken your power back.
It’s one of the clearest signs they haven’t moved on. They simply can’t admit it out loud.
6. They reach out “by mistake” or with fake emergencies
“Oops, that message was meant for someone else.”
Or, “Hey, do you still have that thing I left at your place?”
Sometimes, they may even manufacture a crisis just to pull you back into contact.
After I went no contact with my narcissistic ex, he messaged me asking about a charger he had supposedly left behind. The strange part? That charger never even existed. The message was random and completely out of nowhere, but it worked. I replied.
And that was all the opening he needed. The guilt-tripping began almost immediately.
This is a classic tactic. They disguise the message as accidental, innocent, or urgent so they don’t appear desperate.
But make no mistake: they’re fishing for a reaction. They want your attention and emotional energy, even if they only get it for a moment.
Don’t take the bait. Let them sit with the silence their own behavior created.
7. They try to bait you with passive-aggressive posts
You see it. That vague tweet. The “some people don’t know what they lost” meme.
The jab disguised as a motivational quote.
They’re talking to you, and they want you to know it.
When a narcissist posts indirect digs, it’s not new wisdom…or a new more emotional mature version of them. It’s emotional bait.
What they actually hope for is you’ll reach out, comment, react, or even feel guilty.
Don’t. Let them post their pain into the void. Your silence is louder than any response.
8. They sabotage new connections you’re building
Suddenly, someone new blocks you for no apparent reason. Or rumors begin circulating about you, including private details only your ex would know.
That’s probably not a coincidence.
Narcissists hate seeing you replace them, even when they’re already with someone else.
If they’re determined enough, they may interfere with your dating life, friendships, or even professional connections.
This isn’t about love but about control.
They no longer have access to you, so they try to influence what happens in your life next. Cut every remaining string.
My personal advice? Block every route they could use to reach you, and protect your peace at all costs.
9. They copy your glow-up
You start traveling more, going to the gym, changing your style, or discovering a new hobby. Then, almost overnight, they begin doing the exact same things.
Suddenly, they’re visiting similar places, sharing workout photos, or embracing interests they never cared about when you were together. It can feel strangely familiar, almost as if they’re following the blueprint of your new life.
This is their way of competing with you and proving that they’re thriving too.
Your progress reminds them that you’re building a life that no longer includes them, and their ego struggles with that reality.
So instead of simply moving forward, they mirror your glow-up and try to outperform it.
But genuine happiness doesn’t need to compete. If they’re still copying your every move, they may be paying far more attention than they want you to realize.
10. They love-bomb you again, like nothing happened
Out of nowhere, they’ll send a long message. Or a voice note. Or an old picture of the two of you with a “miss this.” No apology. No accountability. Just emotional vomit.
After I left my narcissist, he reached out sounding all sweet and friendly…like we had just drifted apart. He told me he missed our “connection” and said it was sad how I had “let my friends” get in the way.
As if I had just decided to walk away for no reason. Just for listening to my “evil friends” instead of my real feelings.
This isn’t love. It’s disruption. They want to destabilize you, confuse you, throw you off your healing path, so they rewrite the ending by barging in with fake warmth. Don’t fall for the sudden sweetness.
It’s bait…and if you respond, the cycle starts all over again.