I used to think my narcissistic ex had finally moved on. I told myself he was probably with the person I thought he was seeing while he was with me…the situation that actually had made me decide to go no contact.
But I remember how I couldn’t shake that weird feeling, like I was still being watched.
And then the hoover arrived. He finally reached out as if nothing had happened, with a friendly message. Then he started to add me from fake Facebook accounts.
See, the reality is narcissists don’t “move on”, they orbit. They hover. They lurk. And even when they’re with someone new, they’re still watching you, trying to control the narrative and feed off your energy.
If something feels off, trust it. Here are 9 signs your narcissistic ex isn’t over you.
1. They watch you quietly, obsessively
They’re always lurking. Watching your Instagram stories within seconds. Liking a random photo from two years ago.
Viewing your LinkedIn profile from a “private” account.
Or worse…not showing up at all but asking mutual friends, “How’s she doing?”
This isn’t curiosity. It’s control. Narcissists don’t check in because they care. They do it to see if you’re still broken, still single, still affected.
Your glow-up isn’t just threatening, it’s infuriating to them. And the silent watching? It’s their way of staying in your life without permission.
2. They post as if they’re living their best life, with someone new
Suddenly they’re in love. Again. Posting beach pics, candlelit dinners, and “soulmate” captions like they didn’t just emotionally wreck you.
This isn’t happiness. It’s strategy. Narcissists need you to see them winning. And what better way to do that than flaunt their newest supply…ehm fake partner…ehm…partner?
They want a reaction. Jealousy. Anger. Sadness. If you engage, they win. If you stay silent, they spiral.
Most of the time, the new relationship is just a prop, a way to keep you watching while pretending they’re over it.
3. They send flying monkeys to snoop for them
Ever notice how someone random starts liking all your posts? Or an old mutual friend suddenly checks in “just to say hi”? Yeah, that’s not a coincidence.
Narcissists hate being cut off. When they can’t access you directly, they send other people to do their dirty work.
These flying monkeys gather info, deliver guilt-trippy messages, or test the waters to see if you’d still respond.
It’s not harmless. It’s manipulation. Don’t fall for it. The more you respond to the monkey, the more you’re feeding the narcissist.
4. They copy your energy, your style, your success
They used to mock your interests. Now they’re posting quotes about healing and watching the same shows you loved.
They start acting like the version of you they once belittled, and become passionate about your hobbies they despised so much when you were together.
This is a sneaky form of obsession. Narcissists don’t know how to create an identity…they steal one. And if they’re still copying you, they’re still energetically entangled.
Basically they want to blur the lines so they can keep parts of you even when you’re gone. Creepy? Yes. But it’s also proof you still live rent-free in their mind.
5. They create fake profiles to stalk you
No likes. No views. But something tells you they’re watching? Trust that gut feeling. I’m telling you this because like I said before, I’ve been there. I knew he was watching…and he was.
Narcissists love being able to watch you without your permission…in other words, when they’ve been blocked.
They’ll create fake accounts, view your stories from their fake profiles, or even pose as someone of your actual contacts just to get a glimpse. Why? Because they need to feel like you’re still within reach.
This isn’t love. It’s control. It’s ego. It’s “I can’t let you win.” And it’s one of the clearest signs they’re not over you, they just can’t admit it out loud.
6. They reach out “by mistake” or with fake emergencies
“Oops, meant to text someone else.” Or: “Hey, just wondering if you still have that thing I left?” Sometimes they’ll even fake a crisis just to pull you back into contact.
After I went no contact with my narcissist, he sent me a message pretending to ask about a charger he supposedly left behind, a charger that never even existed. It was weird, random, and out of nowhere. And it worked. I answered. That’s when the guilt-tripping started.
These are classic narcissist tactics. Pretend it’s accidental or important, so they don’t look desperate.. Pretend it’s accidental or important, so they don’t look desperate.
But it is desperate. They’re hoping you’ll take the bait. They want your attention, your reaction, your energy even if it’s just for a moment. Don’t give it to them. Let them sit in the silence they created.
7. They try to bait you with passive-aggressive posts
You see it. That vague tweet. The “some people don’t know what they lost” meme. The jab disguised as a motivational quote.
They’re talking to you, and they want you to know it.
When a narcissist posts indirect digs, it’s not new wisdom…or a new more emotional mature version of them. It’s emotional bait.
What they actually hope for is you’ll reach out, comment, react, or even feel guilty.
Don’t. Let them post their pain into the void. Your silence is louder than any response.
8. They sabotage new connections you’re building
Suddenly someone new blocks you out of nowhere. Or rumors start flying about you that only your ex would know.
This isn’t a coincidence. Narcissists hate being replaced, even if they already moved on. They’ll try to interfere with your dating life, friendships, even work connections if they’re that unhinged.
It’s not about love but about power.
They lost access to you, and now they want to control what you get next. Cut the strings completely. My personal advice is to lock their access, to you, and to your peace.
9. They randomly love-bomb you again, like nothing happened
Out of nowhere, they’ll send a long message. Or a voice note. Or an old picture of the two of you with a “miss this.” No apology. No accountability. Just emotional vomit.
After I left my narcissist, he reached out sounding all sweet and friendly…like we had just drifted apart. He told me he missed our “connection” and said it was sad how I had “let my friends” get in the way.
As if I had just decided to walk away for no reason. Just for listening to my “evil friends” instead of my real feelings.
This isn’t love. It’s disruption. They want to destabilize you, confuse you, throw you off your healing path, so they rewrite the ending by barging in with fake warmth. Don’t fall for the sudden sweetness. It’s bait…and if you respond, the cycle starts all over again.