Falling in love is beautiful and dangerous. There’s an inherent risk. The other person might not feel the same. The relationship might not work out.
Yet, despite all those risks, we fall in love anyway because we know two things: We don’t really have a choice, and there are as many rewards as there are risks.
The last time I fell in love with someone who was falling in love with me was glorious. If I could bottle that feeling and sell it, I could retire in about 10 minutes flat. If it took that long.
Everyone wants that feeling. It’s rare and precious. Even though that particular relationship didn’t work out for me, I have no regrets. Love is worth the price we pay for it.
How to Tell a Man Is Falling in Love with You, According to a Former Therapist
If we want to determine if a man is falling in love, we must pay attention to the signs. Some are subtle. Some are so obvious as to be undeniable.
Why listen to me? I’m Crystal Jackson and I was a master’s level licensed therapist. I worked with couples and individuals and specialized in trauma recovery and empowerment. I now write content about relationships, self-improvement, and psychology. My work has been featured in large publications such as Elite Daily, Your Tango, Positively Positive, and Mamamia.
1. He Makes You a Priority
A man who is falling in love will prioritize the relationship. He will slot out time in his busy schedule that’s yours alone. He’ll make compromises and do what it takes to spend time connecting with you.
While this is ordinary relationship behavior, the lengths he’ll go to in order to nurture the connection just might be extraordinary.
This is one sign I noticed in a previous relationship. Despite his busy schedule, he always made time. Even when work presented challenges, he went out of his way to make time together a priority in whatever way he could.
2. He Compliments You Often
When a man falls in love with you, he’ll shower you with compliments. He can’t help himself. Even the quirks he might find annoying later will seem charming to him at this stage.
He’ll dish out compliments easily and often because he’s always seeing the good in you. He wants you to feel good and to know that he appreciates you. This is another clear sign of a man who is falling in love.
The compliments won’t feel forced or obligatory. I once was in a relationship where the other person would tell me I looked “fine.” Never in the history of the world has any woman wanted to hear that.
Half the time, he wouldn’t even truly look at me before delivering this statement. This was a sign he wasn’t in love whereas genuine compliments delivered often can indicate true affection.
3. He Gives You His Undivided Attention
Another sign that he’s falling for you is that he gives you his undivided attention. He’s not distracted by other people in the room or his phone.
He just wants to spend time with you and you alone. He listens when you’re talking and engages fully with you. His attention is a gift, and he gives it generously.
He does it because he can’t help himself. He’s falling in love with you.
Keep in mind that neurodivergent partners, such as those with autism or ADHD, might not give their undivided attention in the same way as neurotypical individuals.
There might be less eye contact, and it’s possible that they may check a mobile device as a way of self-soothing. Keep this in mind when evaluating actions in a relationship.
Don’t expect neurotypical behavior in neurodiverse individuals.
4. He Plans a Future with You
A man who is falling in love with you will want to plan for a future together. He won’t shy away from this conversation. He’ll even initiate it.
He wants to know if you’re on the same page, and he wants to let you know that when he sees the future, you’re a vital part of it. This is another clear sign that he’s falling in love with you.
By the same token, if he’s not planning a future with you, you likely don’t have one. That’s a hard truth I’ve faced in relationships.
5. He Introduces You to His People
Another sign that he’s falling in love with you is when he wants you to meet all the other people who matter to him. They could be friends or family or both.
He just wants you to know the people he loves best. He’ll show you off, and he’ll seek their approval. It’s not because he’s weak-minded.
Rather, he respects the people he cares about and wants to make sure that they like the person he’s choosing. He’ll be thrilled if the people he loves love you and vice versa.
Keep in mind that his people will reveal the type of person he is. If you hate all his friends, it could be that you’re missing some red flag behaviors in your partner.
I’ve been in this situation, and it doesn’t bode well for the relationship. Someone who acts one way around us and another around their friends is likely putting on a show for the relationship, which is what I discovered when it happened to me.
A dysfunctional family is one thing. We can’t control that. But if all his friends are shady, it says a lot about the one you’re with.
Keep in mind that just because he’s falling in love with you doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is healthy or right for you.
6. He’s Quick to Defend and Protect You
A man who’s falling in love with you will be quick to defend and protect you. If someone speaks a negative word against you, he’ll rush to your defense.
If you’re driving home late at night, he’ll want a text to know you’ve made it safely home. He’s protective of you and of your relationship, and he won’t let anything come between you.
This doesn’t mean he won’t ever call you out if you’re wrong or he disagrees with you, but it does mean that he is always on your side.
If he calls you out, he’ll do it gently and with respect, and he’ll likely do it privately rather than in front of friends or family.
Because he’s on your side, he’s going to look out for your best interests at all times — even when you don’t agree.
7. His Body Language Shows It
Experts have found evidence that body language is very specific when people are in love. They lean in to the person they love, make eye contact, and mirror their movements.
They also keep their body language open. If you want to know if he’s falling in love with you, read his body language. It’s more telling than he likely realizes.
The way he’s always touching you, shifting in your direction, and copying your movements unconsciously are sure signs that he cares.
8. He’s Vulnerable with You
Another clue that he’s falling in love with you is that he’s willingly vulnerable with you. He wants to share about his past, his present, and what he wants for the future.
He opens up and tells you his thoughts and feelings; he lets you see the side of him that he might hide from everyone else.
Also, he wants to know that you’ll love him at his best and his worst, so he’ll show you glimpses of the shadow side he only exposes to the people he trusts most. If he’s opening up like this, he’s identified you as a safe person in his life.
In our patriarchal society, vulnerability can feel challenging for men. It’s important to treat their vulnerability with care.
When a former partner started sharing more of himself with me, I treated that information as if it was precious — because it was.
9. You Know You’re His Favorite Person
You’ll know he’s falling in love with you when you realize you are his favorite person in all the world. Maybe he’s said it. Maybe it’s just in the way he behaves.
Either way, you know that you’re his personal favorite. You get special treatment, and he’s happy just spending time with you. When you’re his favorite person, you can be sure he’s falling in love with you.
I had a favorite-person-relationship once, and I loved it. It’s incredibly special to know that someone thinks that of all the people in the world — outside of their children, of course — you are their most favorite.
It’s also incredibly special to feel that way about someone else. Falling in love should look like being each other’s favorite.
10. He Values Your Opinion and Asks for It
You’ll be able to tell that a man is falling in love with you when he purposefully seeks out and listens to your opinions.
He might ask for advice or a helping hand. He values what you have to say and will seriously consider your point of view.
He’s not just asking out of obligation; he genuinely wants to know how you feel and what you think. And he’ll even begin including you in major (and often minor) life decisions.
11. He Surprises You with Thoughtful Gifts
Another key indicator that he’s falling head over heels in love with you is when he surprises you with little thoughtful gifts.
It shows that he’s been thinking of you, and it’s also a sweet gesture to give you a gift outside of special occasions. These little surprises are evidence that he’s falling for you — and falling hard.
A thoughtful gift doesn’t have to be expensive or extravagant. In fact, the best ones are often simple, inexpensive, or even free.
Bringing someone a cup of coffee, a small treat, or even a book they mentioned wanting to read can show love and consideration.
Once, a former partner brought me a special treat I couldn’t get where I live. It was a beautiful gesture that made me feel cherished.
12. He Integrates You into His Daily Life
Even a guy who often compartmentalizes his life won’t be able to do so when he loves you. Instead, he’ll do everything he can to integrate you into his daily life.
He wants you to be a main part of it, not just someone who makes the occasional guest appearance. He’s bringing main character energy to your love story, and he sees you as his romantic lead.
He wants to include you in all parts of his life. For example, he might do this by inviting you to events, taking you to visit his family or friends for the holidays, or even just including you in a hobby that he enjoys.
He wants more time with you, and he is likely rehearsing your future together. Because he’s falling in love with you, he cherishes the time you spend together and naturally wants to include you in all the parts of his day.
13. He Tries to Charm Your Friends/Family
If the man falling in love with you is smart, he’ll try to charm the proverbial pants off your friends and family. Literal pants would be inappropriate.
He’s going to want approval from the people you love best. He’s going to want to be in their good graces, and he’s going to want to genuinely connect with the people who are important to you.
Because they are important to you, he’ll make them important to him, too.
This shouldn’t be manipulative. If he’s misrepresenting himself to friends and family, that’s not love. That’s about control. If you see this, run! Get out.
This isn’t a sign of a healthy relationship. The same is true when the guy you’re dating makes absolutely no effort at all with your people. He doesn’t try to talk to them or get to know them.
If he meets them at all, he treats it like an obligation he just has to get through. This is also a bad sign.
But if he’s trying to show his best side and be kind to the people you care about, it’s a good sign that he really does love you and cares about making a good impression on the people you love.
14. He’s Willing to Put in the Work to Solve Problems
Some men might like you but not want to do the work to solve the problems that will naturally come up in relationships. A man in love will do whatever it takes to maintain and nurture the relationship.
He’ll roll up his sleeves and get to work if that’s what it’s going to take to keep you. He’s not going to let the relationship go just because life got hard. He always knew it would at some point. He just thinks a relationship with you is worth the work he puts into it.
By the same token, a man who will not do the relationship work is just not for you. I’ve had this experience, and it’s a big sign that nothing we can do will save the relationship.
A partner who won’t address the issues, attend couples counseling, or make a real effort to save the relationship isn’t actually interested in keeping it.
In the following video, Dr. John Gottman explains what makes a repair attempt in a relationship successful beyond effort alone. We’re going to have conflict in relationships at times. Learning how to repair the relationship afterward is essential to maintaining a healthy connection.
15. He’s Never Too Busy for You
He’s a busy man, but he’s never too busy for you. He will carve out time in his schedule even if he barely has any. It’s more than just making you a priority, although he does this, too.
He genuinely values the time you share, and he’s going to make sure he gets that time. It’s not just about making you feel loved, valued, and appreciated.
It’s about him getting to bask in your presence for as long as he’s able. If that’s not a sign of a man falling in love, I don’t know what is!
I was once the recipient of a love like this. He would take time out of his day to connect with me even when he was tired.
Even though it seems like a small thing, it kept the connection strong and made me feel cared about that he made the effort. I appreciated it all the more because I knew his free time was scarce and precious.
It was his way of showing love, and it also made me feel loved.
16. You’re the First and Last Person He Talks to Each Day
Are you the first person he texts or talks to in the morning and the last person he contacts at night? This might be standard relationship energy, but it’s also a sign that he’s falling in love when he’s the one to initiate this contact.
If you’re the first person he wants to hear from in the morning and before he goes to sleep at night, that’s significant. It speaks volumes about how he feels about you.
Love and Healthy Relationships
It’s important to reiterate that someone who loves you isn’t necessarily the best or healthiest match for you.
Love is important, but it’s not the only thing we need in a relationship. Someone can love you to their highest capacity and still have unhealthy characteristics that make the relationship unsafe or toxic for you.
For instance, if someone says they love you but treats you with disrespect, that’s not love. They might be genuinely feeling affection and even infatuation, but disrespect should not be tolerated from any partner.
Additionally, someone’s “love” could be jealous and controlling — another sign that their interpretation of love isn’t healthy for you.
Another example is when someone loves us but is struggling with addiction. We have to decide what we’re willing to deal with in our relationships and what falls into the category of toxic for us.
I offer this warning because sometimes we make the decisions with our hearts and not our heads. We can even have healthy relationships with healthy people who want different things, and the reality is that the relationship won’t work out.
Sometimes, we have to put aside our feelings to face the facts. Recognizing the fact that he’s falling in love with you is important, but it’s also important to determine how you feel separate from his feelings.
It feels good to be loved, but the best relationships will reciprocate those feelings.
Once you determine that he’s falling in love with you, look at the relationship as a whole. Is it safe? Are you able to be your most authentic self with this person? Do the people closest to you think it’s a good fit?
Do you feel respected, supported, and appreciated within the relationship? Are you able to take healthy space in the relationship to spend time alone or with friends?
Do they bring out healthy, happy traits, or do they bring out the worst in you? Do you like the version of yourself that you are when you are with them?
Asking these questions and others like them will help you figure out if the relationship is right for you.
When He Falls in Love
Falling in love is beautiful, and it’s terrifying. There’s always the risk we’ll lose the one we love and suffer a broken heart.
If you don’t feel the same, treat his heart as gently as you’d want someone to treat your own. Be clear, but don’t be unkind.
If you love him back, say it. Life is far too short to keep those words to ourselves. Let him know that you love and value him, too. Learn his love language. Tell him you love him but also show it.
There are so many signs that will show you when a man is falling in love with you. They are evident in his words and in his actions.
His feelings will show through his body language, but he’ll also let you know in the way he treats you and the way he treats the people you care about. Love is a verb, not just a word. He’ll show it. Are you paying attention when he does?
We can be tempted to interpret everything to reflect what we want to believe. If we’re in love with them, we might try to look for proof that they feel the same way. I’m going to suggest that you stop that and try something new.
Instead of looking for proof to confirm what you want, just pay attention to how he treats you. It likely won’t take long to figure out if you’re a priority, an option, or a way he’s passing the time.
It just might be that he’s in love with you. I hope you’ll be brave enough to look at the facts and face them because as great as the risk is, the reward might be even greater.
Recommended reads
- 34 Signs a Male Coworker Likes You But Is Hiding It
- How to Tell if a Guy Really Likes You: 22 Clear Signs
- 10 Clear Signs He Is Getting Serious About You
- When He Has Strong Feelings For You: 17 Clear Signs
Featured image by Maksym Tymchyk 🇺🇦 on Unsplash