Skip to Content

5 Clear Signs He’s Not Into You (Can You Spot Them?)

In this article, we will talk about some clear signs he’s not into you.

Disclaimer: this post may contain affiliate links, which means we may receive a commission if you make a purchase using these links, at no additional cost for you.

Modern dating comes with plenty of challenges.

We’re challenged to choose whether we’ll date online or hazard the potential perils of dating in real life (namely: finding single people in your area we’d actually want to date).

If we opt for the online option, we then have to choose which app is best or juggle a variety of them…all for the chance of finding that special someone.

That’s just dating. We haven’t even calculated the enormous challenges of finding and then keeping a relationship.

It can be overwhelming — but it doesn’t have to be. In fact, there are some parts of dating that we’re making harder on ourselves.

Let’s talk about the signs that he’s just not into us. We can easily see the red flags, but we often ignore them in favor of what we want to believe.

This makes dating a lot harder, and it can add exponentially to our heartache in the process.

If we could just learn to walk away when it’s clear he’s not interested, we’d free ourselves up for someone who would be over the moon to partner us! 

Signs He’s Not Into You

1. He’s inconsistently responsive to messages  or just ignores them

Believe me — if he is interested in you, he’s going to let you know. You won’t have to worry and wonder. He’s going to reach out. He’s going to respond.

If there’s a gap in communication, he’s going to tell you why and not leave you thinking he’s not into you.

You won’t have to employ your super-sleuth best friend to suss out what he’s up to you when he’s not replying to you for hours or days at a time.

You won’t need to cyberstalk his account to see what’s up. And you absolutely won’t need to keep asking him to pay attention to you if he’s truly into you.

Before you throw out the whole man, be clear about your expectations around communication. Talk to him about what you want and need.

This could be a difference in communication styles. More likely though, if you’re sitting around staring at your phone wondering why he doesn’t respond, you may have uncovered a red flag that needs your attention.

Recommended read: 4 Signs Your Date Might Be Breadcrumbing You

2. He doesn’t make time for you

If he always has a reason why he can’t see you, he’s lost interest. Move on.

This is a huge red flag. We’re all adults with busy lives, but if he never makes time for you, this is a sign that he’s not as invested in you as you are in him.

Instead of sitting around twiddling your thumbs in his waiting room, choose to get on with your life. After all, you have much better things to do than wait for him to make up his mind about you. 

Consider if your expectations are realistic first. Do you expect him to spend every waking hour by your side? Are you asking that he give up time with friends or cast aside his hobbies for you?

Do you have other interests that fill your time, or has your relationship become your hobby? Make sure what you expect is healthy. Everyone needs space and time to themselves.

However, if you have a perfectly normal and healthy desire to spend some of your time with this person and he’s not making any time for you even when he could, this is a waving red flag.

Talk to a coach now (let the page load, it may take a few seconds)

3. He avoids contact during major holidays

A man who doesn’t want to have a relationship with you is probably going to avoid you at certain key holidays.

He might just become non-communicative around Valentine’s Day, Thanksgiving, and whatever winter holiday he celebrates. This is a sign he’s not interested, but it’s easy to dismiss this one — especially when the relationship is new.

Still, if he’s interested, he’s going to make an effort to reach out even if you can’t spend the holiday together. He won’t avoid you entirely — unless he’s just not into you.

This is another situation where effective communication strategies can serve you well. If a holiday is coming up, talk about what it’s going to look like for the two of you. Is it too early to spend it together?

Do either of you have issues with the holiday such as past trauma related to it? Holidays like Valentine’s Day can put a lot of pressure on men, but avoiding it completely can create a sense of hurt and unease.

When you openly talk about how you’re feeling and what you want, you’re more likely to get it—or be told that you won’t, which will leave you with a decision to make.

Just know that avoiding holidays is often a red flag that they aren’t really into you. 

4. He doesn’t acknowledge the relationship on social media

I’m not just talking about the relationship status update either. Watch how he behaves on social media. Does he post pictures of the two of you? Does he interact on your posts?

Is he comfortable with you posting pictures of the two of you or tagging him in a meme?

Everyone has different feelings about how open they are on social media, but if he’s active online but doesn’t show that he knows and spends time with you, you need to pay attention. This could very well be a key sign he’s not interested. 

Too often, women will say their man is private, but he’ll openly post photos of past relationships, friends, and other people who are a part of his life. Why not you?

This can show an imbalance in the relationship, and it could be a sign he’s just not into it. He should be proud to be seen with you.

Even if he doesn’t want to post photos, it wouldn’t kill him to be tagged in a meme or to be the one to do the tagging. After all, memes have become a whole love language for many of us.

Speak up! If he’s being sketchy online, ask why. Instead of confronting him in an aggressive or passive aggressive way, be calm and direct.

Assertively ask him about his online behaviors as it pertains to you. If it hurts your feelings that he’s not posting those pictures, let him know.

He’s not a mind reader, and you don’t want that hurt to fester. Air it out.

It could be a difference in how you feel about online privacy, but it could also be an issue of how you feel about each other. If he’s not all in, maybe it’s time for you to get out.

Recommended read: 6 Signs Someone Might Have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

5. He states that he’s not ready for a relationship

A man who is telling you that he’s not ready for a relationship is telling you that he’s not interested in a relationship with you. Read that again.

That’s not an invitation to wait until he’s ready. He’s letting you know that he’s not into you because if he was, his whole attitude would change. He would want to lock you down and update that relationship status if he really wanted to be with you.

He wouldn’t be saying that relationships just aren’t for him. 

I’ve been in this exact situation many times. What’s funny-not-funny is that shortly after hearing this statement, they’ve updated their relationship status with someone else. It wasn’t that they weren’t ready for a relationship.

They just didn’t want one with me. They might have been trying to avoid hurting my feelings but seeing those relationship statuses update stung! I’d rather know I’m not “the One” upfront.

You’re too great of a catch to sit on the sidelines and wait for anyone. If he’s not ready, that’s fine for him. Let him play the field or opt-out of dating.

You don’t have to tag along. Instead, honor what he’s telling you, but do what’s best for you. Do yourself the favor of accepting that’s he’s just not into you. You’re free to move forward.

Final Thoughts

The problem with dating and relationships is that we often hear what we want to hear and miss all the red flags that let us know that they’ve lost interest or never had it in the first place.

We romanticize toxic behaviors and game-playing, and we spend far too much time worrying and wondering about what they’re doing instead of paying attention to the evidence.

The red flags are there. We just don’t want to acknowledge what they mean.  

It can be painful, but think of how much more painful it will be if you spend even more time on this person only to find out that what you suspected was true.

You’re not going to save yourself any pain by ignoring the truth. You just might prolong it. Rejection is hard, but in the words of Glennon Doyle, You can do hard things.

It will hurt, but then you’ll heal. The right relationship isn’t going to make you feel like this.

Sometimes, there is a very good reason for why he’s doing something. This is why communication is so important. If you’re not sure, just ask. Don’t assume. Talk it out.

Ask for what you want and need directly rather than hinting about it. Then, you have to actually listen to what he’s telling you. 

Most men aren’t going to come out and say they’re not into you.

They don’t want to hurt your feelings, and they may be interested in keeping you around as a contingency plan. Know your worth and expect more for yourself.

When you see the signs he’s not that into you, it’s time to let him go so you can move on to better things. 

Talk to a coach now (let the page load, it may take a few seconds)

Get access to exclusive self-improvement and relationships content, subscribe to our free newsletter here.

Featured photo by drobotdean from Freepik

Hannet Gray

Saturday 28th of January 2023

I want to share my testimony to the world My husband filed for a divorce after 8 years of marriage it was difficult for me and the kids I did all I could to save my marriage and my family but all fail until a friend of mine told me about the wonderful work of Dr. Manley I contacted him and he assured me 24hours all will be well the next day to my greatest surprise my husband came back home and he went on his knees and was crying begging me for forgiveness I’m so happy right now thank you so much Dr.Manley, One message to him today can change your life too for the better. You can reach him via email: [email protected] or WhatsApp: ‪+905428528628

candace

Saturday 3rd of December 2022

Track Calls log and Spy Call Recording. Monitoring SMS text messages remotely. Cell phone GPS location tracking. Spy on Whatsapp Messages. Free Update and 100% Undetectable. Internet Browsing History and Read phone Access Address Book, totally worth your money, please no time wasters,They won’t under any circumstances work for free, you can reach them by their email: [email protected] gmail. com Or whatsapp him via +1 305 440 5462 and get your job done instantly

ROSALBA

Thursday 24th of November 2022

REAL URGENT EFFECTIVE SPELL CASTER TO HELP BRING BACK EX LOVER AND SAVE MARRIAGE Hello everyone my name Rosalba am so overwhelmed with joy all thanks to Dr.GURU. My husband left me for another woman a few years back and I was very devastated cause I never did anything wrong to him, I was left with my two kids and a job that pays little. I was almost giving up until I saw a testimony online about Dr.GURU how he has helped a lot of people, so I contacted him surprisingly 24hours after I did what the doctor asks me to do my husband came back the day after the spell begging me to forgive him and promised to never leave. My husband has been back for 6 months now and we've never had any issues, am glad I didn't doubt Dr.GURU. Now I am sure he can also solve any problems with fast relief. You can also contact him for help now. Email: [email protected] or whatsapp +12098373537

how to get your ex back

Monday 14th of November 2022

I used to think magic was bogus but after Martin left me I felt open-minded to try it. Maybe I was desperate too. But this is real! You restored the love we had for each other. And now he proposed as you promised he would! I am your friend forever and very grateful for all of this. I will come back again, very soon to contact priest Ogun Oduga, email at [email protected] or whatsapp +12348080796947

Joy

Sunday 6th of November 2022

Before he always text me but when I want to do video call he ignored me from that day on till now

The Truly Charming