Today we’re going to discuss some key signs a guy wants you to chase him – and what you should do.
Some men like the chase — and some just want to be chased. Maybe it strokes their ego or makes them feel valued.
Maybe they just don’t know what they want or feel too shy to make the first move. There are reasons, and you might not ever get to the bottom of them.
How to Tell if a Guy Wants You to Chase Him
Still, if you’re paying attention, there are signs that the guy in your life just wants you to chase him. Here’s what you’ll want to look for.
Why listen to me? I’m Crystal Jackson and I was a master’s level licensed therapist. I worked with couples and individuals and specialized in trauma recovery and empowerment. I now write content about relationships, self-improvement and psychology. My work has been featured on large publications such as Elite Daily, Your Tango, Positively Positive, Mamamia, and The Good Men Project.
He Sends You Mixed Signals
This guy runs hot and cold. You’re not entirely sure what he wants because the signals are so mixed that you can’t make sense of them.
You feel like he’s attracted to you and genuinely likes you, but he can also disappear at a moment’s notice. He’s inconsistent. He gives you just enough to get you on the hook, and then, he’s gone again.
What’s interesting about the mixed signals is that you get enough positive ones to keep you interested and invested in him.
They just don’t seem to go any further than that. This could be a sign that he’s waiting for you to chase him.
He Waits for You to Initiate Contact
One of the signs a guy wants you to chase him is he will often wait for you to initiate contact. He’s rarely the one to send the first text or even make the first move.
You might even find yourself being the one to ask him out when you get tired of waiting for him. This is exactly what he wants.
He responds when you contact him, and he makes sure you know he’s interested. You might keep expecting him to do more, but it’s obvious he’s not going to do anything but wait.
You might come to the conclusion that he’s just not that into you, but he might be waiting for you to chase him and show him that you’re truly interested.
He Shows Interest but Keeps His Distance
It might strike you as strange that he so clearly telegraphs his desire and fascination with you but then keeps his distance.
It’s likely not what you’re used to, and it can be confusing. Keep in mind that a man who wants to be chased already knows that you’re into him, but he wants confirmation of just how much you want him.
Showing interest is meant to tempt you to make a move in his direction.
The distance is a part of the game. If absence makes the heart grow fonder, he’s going to give you plenty of space to miss him and remember that you want him.
He Tries to Make You Jealous
Although according to psychologists the “jealousy strategy” is risky and usually backfires, some guys choose it to get your attention.
Does he tell you about other romantic interests? If he’s trying to make you jealous, he could want confirmation that you’re willing to step up and join the chase.
He wants to be caught — by you. He’s letting you know, however, that there’s competition for his attention.
This could, of course, backfire. He’s willing to take that risk. After all, the way he looks at it, if you really want him, you’ll prove it.
He Shows Signs of Jealousy
Does he act jealous of people you date even though he’s not making a move? That’s very interesting. It could be that he’s just a jealous kind of guy. It’s also possible that he wants to be the main interest in your life.
His signs of jealousy could actually be a sign that he wants you to be chasing him, not entertaining other options. It’s a clear sign that he sees you as more than a friend.
He Compliments You Often
The man who wants you to chase him will compliment you often. He’s not just sitting around waiting for you to stroke his ego. He’ll do the same for yours.
He wants you to know that you’re attractive, interesting, and special to him. He can be so effusive that you’re surprised when he doesn’t follow up with a move of some kind.
The compliments are meant to tempt you to make a move. He thinks that broadcasting his interest should be enough for you to come after him.
In fact, he may wonder why you’re not chasing him already when he’s been so clear he’s into you.
He Actively Follows and Engages with Your Social Media
Even when he disappears, he’s not really gone, is he? The man who wants you to chase him will follow and engage with your social media regularly.
He likes your posts, watches your stories, and even comments from time to time. He wants you to know he’s still around.
There are a lot of people who might creep on your social media, so this one sign alone might not be enough to signal that he wants you to chase him. But paired with these other signs, it’s a probably sign that he wants you to initiate contact again.
He Checks in On You from Time to Time
While he’s not necessarily the first to make contact, every now and then, he reaches out. He checks in on you from time to time. He usually wants to know what you’re up to — and if you’re dating anyone. He’s very likely to try to figure out your relationship status in casual conversation.
If you’re not chasing him yet, he might be leaving you more clues that he’d like it if you would. Checking in on you is a way to remind you that he’s still around and still interested.
This isn’t a relationship likely to move any further without your effort.
He Indicates His Relationship is Flawed
This is a classic move of a man who wants you to chase him. If he’s in a relationship, he might indicate that there’s trouble in paradise.
This is especially true of married men, but even men in other relationships might drop hints that there’s a flaw in their partnership. These hints could be signs that he wants you to renew the chase.
If he’s in a relationship, he’s unlikely to leave it and risk being alone if you reject him. If you’re the one chasing him, he might feel more assured that he’ll leave one relationship to be in a relationship with you.
For the guy who likes the chase, that might be the only way he leaves.
What You Should Do
You know that he wants you to chase him — now what?
Decide What You Want
What do you want from him? If you truly think he would be a strong partner, you might not mind investing in the time, energy, and effort involved in the chase.
If you’re just interested in a casual relationship with him, the chase may not be worth it to you. Only you can determine what it is you want from this interaction.
Be Honest with Yourself
Do you really like him, or do you like the attention he gives you? Are you in it for the ego strokes, or do you have true feelings? It’s time to be honest with yourself.
What is it about this man that draws you to him?
Part of this honesty is evaluating your relationship patterns. If you’re often attracted to the emotionally unavailable man who plays mind games, you might want to consider why that is — and what you can do about it.
Seeing a therapist could help you sort out why you’re attracted to him in the first place when he messes with your mind.
Decide Your Value
It’s time to decide your value. How are you valuing yourself in the relationship? Are you seeing this man as the ultimate prize, or do you see yourself as a worthy, wonderful partner he’d be lucky to have?
It’s possible to feel that he’s wonderful but acknowledge your own value as well. But if you’re putting his needs and desires first, are you comfortable with valuing him over yourself?
Having strong self-esteem and self-worth can help you make better relationship decisions. When you’re a high value person, you expect more from your partners. It helps you have strong, healthy, equitable relationships.
Be Willing to Move On
If you never make a move, will this guy eventually disappear completely or simply float around in your social media sphere? Be willing to cut your losses and move on.
If he’s never going to be the one to make an effort before you’re together, why would he make an effort once the relationship is secure?
You may be the one who is always pulling the weight of the relationship. Are you okay with that?
If you’re not, be willing to let go of this guy. Move forward. Acknowledge that the chase doesn’t have to be a necessary part of dating or relationships.
You can communicate clearly, set boundaries, and make sure the person you’re dating is just as invested in dating you — without forcing you to make all the moves.
Maybe the guy in your life just enjoys the chase. He wants to feel wanted. Who doesn’t? Maybe he’s shy and insecure.
It’s possible that he’s just not sure enough of you to make a move and needs further confirmation.
He could end up being the best boyfriend ever once you chase him down. It just depends on the man in question.
Do you want to chase him? That’s the real question. If you want him, go get him. Otherwise, it might be time for you to cut loose and run.
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