In this article we are going to discuss some of the most important signs she only wants your money and how you should respond.
It’s a common complaint in dating. Men think women are often after money, financial security, and free drinks or dinners. It’s an attitude that’s so pervasive that it’s actually worked its way into dating profiles.
Men are under this strong impression, and yet the women I know rarely mention money at all apart from hoping that their potential partner is at least gainfully employed and self-supporting.
To be fair, this idea that women want men for their money has some basis in fact.
Evolutionary psychologists have found that men search for beauty and women search for financial security.
However, a researcher in the School of Social Sciences and Psychology uncovered that both men and women look for partners who possess earning capacity.
Inherited wealth did not appear to be a factor for either gender. This means that both genders are interested in partners with some earning potential.
But if you’re here, you might suspect that the person you’ve partnered could be using you. You have doubts. You’ve seen a few things that have made you uncomfortable.
You’re starting to fear that she wants you more for your ability to earn than your ability to love. Are you ready to uncover the truth?
9 Signs She Only Wants Your Money, According to a Former Therapist
If you really want to know if she’s after you for your money alone, watch out for these warning signs.
Why listen to me? I’m Crystal Jackson and I was a master’s level licensed therapist. I worked with couples and individuals and specialized in trauma recovery and empowerment. I now write content about relationships, self-improvement and psychology. My work has been featured on large publications such as Elite Daily, Your Tango, Positively Positive, and Mamamia.
1. She Never Pays for Anything
It seems obvious, but if she never pays for anything, this could be a problem in the relationship. Before you jump to conclusions about her motivations, consider income disparity and the potential cost of dating.
For instance, if you’re dating a single parent, a night out could cost more in babysitting fees than you spend on the date.
In this case, you might take this into consideration and be willing to make allowances for the shared cost of dating.
But if there is no income disparity or cost for dating, it’s possible that she’s taking for granted that you should pay.
It might feel awkward, but this is a topic that needs to be discussed early on. She might have fixed gender norms that dictate you pay, and if you’re uncomfortable with that, you have the opportunity to speak up and say so.
It’s also possible that she’s just using you for the money, and you’ll find this out the first time you expect her to contribute to the cost of dating and she stops seeing you instead.
2. She Doesn’t Say Thank You
Someone who never says thank you is displaying a red flag you might want to take a look at and remember.
If she doesn’t appreciate the money you spend on her, the dates you take her on, or anything you do, she could be using you.
Simply saying “thank you” is the easiest form of gratitude. If she never does this, it’s understandable that you would feel used and unappreciated.
It might seem like a small thing, but it’s not. Even if you routinely buy her dinner, a simple “thanks” can show that she acknowledges and appreciates it.
While no one owes you anything for what you choose to pay for (especially physical intimacy), it’s always nice to feel like your gift is appreciated.
3. She Asks You for Favors
Does she ask you for a lot of favors (too many) that end up costing you money, time, or other resources? This could be a sign she’s using you. Especially if you don’t feel she’s putting en effort into the relationship.
If she’s happy to have you help her move, drive her where she needs to go, or otherwise help her out, you might begin to wonder if she sees you or just sees what you can do for her.
4. She Depends on You to Help Her
This is probably one of the most important signs she is probably only after your money.
Even if you’re not married or living together, she seems to think you’re supposed to bail her out of any financial trouble she gets into — even ones better decision-making could have avoided.
The problem isn’t that she depends on you. It’s the fact that she assumes it should be your problem, too, and she doesn’t ask first if you’re able or willing to help.
It might surprise you to know that you’re not responsible for bailing out your romantic partner. You don’t have to swoop into save her from mounting credit card debt or missed car payments.
That’s not your role as a partner in the relationship, no matter what she might say.
5. Your Friends and Family Have Concerns
Friends and family have likely expressed some concerns about your relationship. They might have even hinted that she seems to be using you.
You might want to dismiss their concerns, but the people in your support system are usually your biggest advocates. They love you more than anyone else, and they want you to be happy.
If they’re seeing a problem, you might want to take a step back and gain a little perspective.
6. There’s an Expectation Without Reciprocation
She fully expects you to pay for her, but she’s never reciprocating what you put into the relationship. And she assumes you should pay, you should shower her with gifts, and you should make the effort.
She thinks her role is the recipient.
Fpr example, she might expect an anniversary or Valentine’s Day gift without giving you one. And she might think you have to throw her an amazing birthday party while she ignores your celebration.
Reciprocation is key in any relationship, and you might feel used if the relationship seems to revolve around what you can buy for her or do for her.
Over time, this can become draining as you realize that you’ve become her personal ATM and little more.
7. She’s Not Interested in Staying in and Spending Time with You
Does she always want to go out? If she can’t ever just stay in and enjoy spending time with you, there’s definitely an issue in the relationship.
One potential issue could be that she’s using for your money and what you can buy with it.
If she’ll make other plans the second you suggest a quiet, affordable night in, she might be taking advantage of you.
8. She’s Only Nice When She Wants Something
One of the signs she’s using you for money is she’s only really nice to you when she wants something from you.
Otherwise, she either ignores you or is unkind.
You can tell that when she compliments you, a request will follow.
You start to dread her good moods because you know she’s just trying to manipulate and not appreciate you.
It doesn’t feel good, but you should pay attention to the patterns. Is she nice to you when money is being spent but pulls away otherwise?
You may need to get clarity on why this is — and if it’s something you’re willing to continue to do to keep the relationship going.
9. She’s obsessed with your status, job and income
A woman who is obsessed with your status, job and income is likely only interested in your money.
She will be constantly asking questions about where you work, what type of job you have, what type of car you have and trying to figure out how much you make.
This is a classic sign that she is drawn primarily to your money instead of your personality and is not someone who genuinely cares about you.
What You Should Do
The real question is why you would stay with someone you think is using you for money. There are many reasons.
Loneliness. Fear of the uncertainty that follows a breakup. Doubt. Attachment. Trauma bonding. Physical pleasure.
Do you know why you’re with her?
You’ll need to decide if the reason you’re with her is worth the tradeoff. You might make peace with the fact that she wants your money if you’re getting what you want, too.
But if there is no peace when you evaluate the relationship, it might be time to admit to yourself that this isn’t the relationship for you. You deserve better than someone who would use you for your money.
And you deserve better than someone who only “loves” you for your money.
Have that conversation with her
Before you drop the relationship entirely, sit down and talk to her about how you’re feeling. Let her know that you feel used and unappreciated. Share with her that you fear she might be using you.
It could turn out that your insecurities have gotten the best of you, and you’re not seeing the situation as it is. It’s possible that she thought you were happy to be the one who pays, as some men do insist upon it.
She might not realize that you had concerns because you didn’t speak up and say anything. Talking to her about it gives her the opportunity to speak up and explain herself. It could clear up any misunderstandings or act to illuminate problems in the relationship.
Have a conversation with yourself
You might also discover that some misogyny is in play. Do you feel like you should pay as a man but then resent her when you do?
Do you feel like you’re owed something (physical or emotional closeness) when you’ve covered the bill? If you find that these ring true for you, you might want to investigate your own expectations and how they’re impacting your relationships.
She might not be using you for money, but if you even suspect she might be, it’s important to talk about your expectations around finances and let her share hers.
You might find that your resentment was building over a misunderstanding. You’ll never know unless you ask and give her a chance to speak, too.
If you find out she’s been using you for money all along? Ask if you’re okay with being her piggybank. If the answer is no, it’s time to make a tough decision.
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