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10 Things Narcissists Hate More Than Anything (And How to Use Them to Your Advantage)

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Photo by Ryan Snaadt on Unsplash

If you have a narcissist in your life, you probably know how much they love control. They want attention, power, and the ability to influence how you feel. They twist things, manipulate situations, and do whatever it takes to stay in control.

And if you’re on the receiving end, well, it’s exhausting, right?

I’ve seen so many people struggle with toxic narcissists who drain their energy and make them doubt themselves. But here’s something you need to know: you have more power than you think.

There are certain things narcissists absolutely hate, and when you understand what they are, you can use them to your advantage.

You don’t need to argue or prove anything to them. In fact, the less you react, the more power you have. If you’re tired of feeling trapped in their games, here are ten things narcissists hate more than anything—and how you can turn them into your advantage.

Why listen to me? I’m Sira Mas and I’m a relationship coach. I write about self-improvement, love, dating and psychology. My work has been featured on large publications such as Mamamia, Plenty of Fish, Ladders, Entrepreneur and Thrive Global.

1. Being Ignored

Narcissists crave attention more than anything. You probably already know that.

Whether it’s admiration or conflict, they need to feel important. When you ignore them, it’s like cutting off their oxygen supply.

They’ll do everything they can to regain your attention, whether by provoking you, love bombing you, or guilt-tripping you.

What I always tell my clients in situations like this is to hold firm. If a narcissist sees that their usual tricks no longer work, they start to panic. They’ll probably start to provoke you.

And the best way to deal with them when they do that is to disengage completely. Give them nothing, no emotional reactions, no explanations, nothing.

2. Being Held Accountable

Narcissists hate being called out for anything. So they’ll lie, manipulate, and shift blame just to avoid taking responsibility. If you confront them with facts, they will either deny everything or turn it around on you.

The trick is to tell them the truth using a calm and confident tone and without emotion.

So instead of arguing, or even worse getting emotional, say something like, “I know what happened, and I’m not going to debate it.” This robs them of the fight they’re looking for and forces them to sit with the truth, which they absolutely hate.

3. Losing Control Over You

Control is everything to a narcissist. Whether it’s through manipulation, guilt, or intimidation, they need to be in charge of your emotions and decisions. And life.

The moment they realize they can no longer control you, they can feel their power disappearing.

The best way to take control back is to set firm boundaries and stick to them. This means not just set those boundaries, but to enforce them. Otherwise they’re useless.

When a narcissist sees that you are making independent decisions without seeking their approval, it’ll drive them mad. The more confident you become, the weaker their hold on you gets.

4. Seeing You Happy Without Them

Narcissists want to believe that they are the reason for your happiness. They love the idea that you’re lost without them. Seeing you happy, thriving, and enjoying life without them is one of their worst nightmares.

This is why I always tell my clients to focus on their own happiness. Travel, take up new hobbies, strengthen friendships, spend more time with your family, do whatever makes you feel fulfilled.

When a narcissist sees you glowing without them, it literally shatters their illusion of control.

5. Being Exposed

Narcissists work hard to maintain a carefully crafted image. They hate the idea of people seeing through their mask. So, the moment you expose their lies, manipulation, or abuse, they will do everything in their power to discredit you.

That’s why it’s important to document things if you’re dealing with a narcissist, especially in legal or workplace situations.

Keep records of conversations, save messages, and make sure you have proof before confronting them. When they realize they can’t deny the truth, they panic.

6. When You Stop Reacting

This goes hand in hand with the first point, ignoring them.

A narcissist feeds off your reactions. Whether you’re upset, angry, or desperate for their validation, it gives them a sense of power. A sense of power they love.

But when you stop reacting, they start to feel insignificant.

This is where the “gray rock” method is so powerful. Be as dull and uninterested as possible. Give short, neutral answers. Show no emotion. The more boring you are to them, the less power they have over you.

7. Watching You Succeed

Narcissists don’t just want to be successful—they want to be more successful than everyone around them…including you, obviously.

So if they see you doing well, especially if they once tried to sabotage you, it enrages them.

The best way to use this to your advantage is to focus on your personal growth. Whether it’s advancing in your career, working on your self-confidence, going to a therapist or relationship coach, your success is the ultimate revenge.

And the best part? There’s nothing they can do about it.

8. Being Replaced

Narcissists need to feel irreplaceable. They want to believe that no one else could ever be as good as them.

If they see that you have moved on and found someone who treats you better, way better, it crushes them.

This is why I always tell my clients not to waste time proving their worth to a narcissist.

Instead, focus on surrounding yourself with people who genuinely appreciate and respect you. When a narcissist realizes they have lost their grip on you and that someone else values you in ways they never could, it’s a blow to their ego they can’t handle.

9. No Longer Having Power Over Your Emotions

Something else a narcissist absolutely hates is losing their ability to control your emotions. If they can’t make you sad, angry, jealous, or desperate for their approval, they know they’ve lost all their power over you.

What I always recommend is practicing emotional detachment. When you stop giving them the emotional reactions they want, they become powerless. And they start to feel powerless.

They may try harder for a while (so it’s going to be hard for you as well because they’ll be provoking you and you’ll need to be in control of your emotions) but eventually, they’ll realize that you are no longer someone they can manipulate.

10. When You Walk Away for Good and Focus on Your New, Happy Life

This is the ultimate thing a narcissist hates—knowing that you are truly done with them. When you walk away for good, rebuild your life, and find genuine happiness, they realize they have lost all control.

Nothing enrages a narcissist more than seeing you completely unbothered, living your best life, and never looking back.

They might try to pull you back in with guilt trips, fake apologies, or dramatic gestures, but if you stand firm and refuse to engage, they have no choice but to accept defeat.

The best revenge against a narcissist isn’t revenge at all, it’s moving on, thriving, and proving that they never had real power over you in the first place.

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Final Thoughts

A narcissist’s biggest fear is losing control. When you take your power back, focus on your own happiness, and stop reacting to their mind games, they lose their ability to manipulate you.

The best way to “win” against a narcissist is to build a life that is completely beyond their reach—one where they no longer matter at all.

One where they no longer exist.

Photo by Ryan Snaadt on Unsplash

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