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If you see these signs, you’re dealing with a malignant narcissist

A malignant narcissist is one of the most dangerous personality types you can meet. They go beyond simple arrogance or lack of empathy – these people can be cruel, want power at any cost, and can be aggressive, manipulative, and even vengeful.

I’ve seen many people struggle in toxic relationships with malignant narcissists, feeling drained, confused, and constantly walking on eggshells.

What makes them even more dangerous is how deceptive they can be. At first, they may seem charming, attentive, and even loving, but over time, their true nature emerges. They don’t care about the pain they cause, and they have no remorse for their actions.

If you’ve ever had a gut feeling that something isn’t right about someone, trust it. Understanding the signs of a malignant narcissist can help you recognize the danger before it’s too late and take steps to protect yourself.

Why listen to me? I’m Sira Mas and I’m a relationship coach. I write about self-improvement, love, dating and psychology. My work has been featured on large publications such as Mamamia, Plenty of Fish, Ladders, Entrepreneur and Thrive Global.

They Completely Lack Empathy

A malignant narcissist has no empathy. They may pretend to care – in fact, they can be pretty good at that, trust me – but their actions will always reveal the truth.

They are not able to put themselves in someone else’s shoes or feel genuine remorse when they hurt others. Instead, they’ll always find ways to justify their behavior, minimize the pain they cause, or even blame the victim.

If you try to express how they’ve hurt you, they will invalidate your feelings or make you feel like you’re overreacting. They see others as tools for their own benefit, not as people with emotions and needs.

This makes them incredibly dangerous in relationships because they do not form real emotional bonds.

What I tell my clients who deal with someone like this is to stop expecting empathy from them—it will never come. Protecting your own emotional well-being (and walking away) is the only way to truly deal with a person like this.

They Can Become Aggressive or Even Violent

Unlike other types of narcissists, malignant narcissists often become aggressive or irritable. They don’t just manipulate with words—they can lash out physically, intimidate, or use threats to get their way. Their anger can be unpredictable, and dangerous.

They may not always be physically violent, but their aggression shows up in verbal abuse, emotional manipulation, and even coercion.

If they feel their control slipping, they will escalate the situation to make you feel small and powerless.

They don’t care about the damage they cause as long as they maintain dominance.

If you notice that someone reacts with extreme anger over minor issues, takes pleasure in humiliating others, or uses intimidation to get what they want, this is a major red flag. Malignant narcissists thrive on control through fear.

Impulsivity

This goes hand in hand with the previous point. Malignant narcissists act on impulse, often without thinking through the consequences. They make impulsive decisions, chase immediate gratification, and often ignore long-term outcomes.

This impulsivity can manifest in destructive behaviors like excessive spending, cheating, or lying.

They don’t care who gets hurt in the process, as long as they satisfy their immediate needs. If you call them out on their actions, they will either deny responsibility or shift the blame onto you.

Being in a relationship with someone like this can feel chaotic and emotionally exhausting. It hurts. Their unpredictability creates an unstable environment, where you’re constantly on edge, never knowing what they might do next.

Which puts you in a constant state of emotional and psychological stress.

They Crave Attention

A malignant narcissist demands constant attention and admiration. If they aren’t the center of attention, they will find a way to make themselves the focus—whether through dramatic stories, exaggeration, or even causing conflict just to draw people back to them.

They see people as their audience, not as individuals with their own needs. If you stop giving them attention, they may lash out, guilt-trip you, or act out just to regain control of the situation.

They need admiration like oxygen, and they’ll manipulate, gaslight, or create chaos to ensure they remain in the spotlight.

They Crave Control

Control is everything to a malignant narcissist – more than for other types of narcissists. Because they don’t see relationships as partnerships but as a means to dominate others.

They need to be in charge, and they will go to extreme lengths to ensure they maintain control over those around them.

They manipulate, gaslight, isolate, and degrade others to maintain their position of power. If they feel like they’re losing control, they will resort to emotional blackmail, guilt, or even outright threats to regain it.

If you feel like someone is always trying to dictate what you do, who you spend time with, or how you think, you are likely dealing with a malignant narcissist.

They Crave Power

Unlike a standard narcissist who seeks validation, a malignant narcissist goes a step further—they seek dominance. They don’t just want admiration; they want submission.

They enjoy seeing others in a weakened position and will use manipulation, intimidation, and deceit to maintain superiority.

These people are drawn to positions of power where they can control others. Whether in personal relationships, at work, or in social circles, they will do whatever it takes to stay on top.

They don’t believe in fairness or cooperation—only in winning at all costs.

The moment they feel their authority is being questioned, they will retaliate with cruelty, manipulation, or aggression to reassert dominance.

They Are Pure Evil and Vengeful

A malignant narcissist does not forgive. If they feel slighted, they will hold a grudge and seek revenge, sometimes in ways that are calculated and cruel.

They enjoy seeing others suffer, especially those they believe have wronged them.

They do not care about fairness or justice—only about their own sense of satisfaction. Their need for revenge can last for years, and they will go out of their way to destroy the lives of people they feel have disrespected them.

This kind of cruelty is what makes them so dangerous. If you cross a malignant narcissist, expect them to come after you, even if it means harming themselves in the process.

Their need for vengeance always wins over logic.

Grandiosity and Self-Importance

Malignant narcissists believe they are superior to everyone else. They genuinely think they are more intelligent, more talented, and more deserving than those around them.

They will constantly remind you of their supposed greatness, belittle others, and expect special treatment.

They do not tolerate being challenged or questioned because they see themselves as above everyone else. If you try to call them out, they will react with rage, gaslighting, or complete dismissal.

Their exaggerated sense of self-importance is nothing more than a cover for deep insecurity, but they will never admit it.

Excessive Love Bombing in the Beginning

At the start of a relationship, a malignant narcissist will overwhelm you with attention, gifts, compliments, and promises of an amazing future. More than other types of narcissist like the covert for example.

This is not because they genuinely care about you—it’s a tactic to gain control.

And to make you addicted to their attention.

They want you to become dependent on them so that later, when they start to show their true colors, you will excuse their behavior.

Love bombing makes it harder for victims to leave because they hold on to the “perfect” version of the narcissist they met in the beginning. People who have been in a relationship with a narcissist know this very well…unfortunately.

Because it takes time to realize that person you met at the beginning was just a performance, they don’t actually exist.

What I tell my clients who are new to these kind of relationship – and to narcissist in general – is to pay attention to how fast things move. If someone is overly intense, rushing the relationship, or making grand promises early on, slow down.

Love bombing is a trap, not true affection. Read that again.

No Sense of Guilt or Remorse

Malignant narcissists have no sense of guilt or remorse. At all.

They’ll lie, cheat, betray, and destroy lives without a second thought.

They do not care about the consequences of their actions, and if they get caught, they will only regret the fact that they were exposed – not the harm they caused. Yeah, they’re cruel.

They lack any real moral compass, and they will continue their destructive behavior as long as they can get away with it.

If hurting others gets them what they want, they see no reason to stop.

The only way to protect yourself from a malignant narcissist is to distance yourself completely.

They will not change, they will not feel remorse, and they will continue to harm those around them as long as they are given the opportunity.

Conclusion

What I always tell people struggling in this type of relationship is that the best way to deal with a malignant narcissist is to see them for what they really are (monsters) and protect yourself.

These people will never change, no matter how much you hope they will. They lack empathy, seek power, and will do anything to maintain control.

If you find yourself constantly in a state of emotional stress, questioning your reality, feeling drained, or walking on eggshells, trust your instincts. The safest thing you can do is to distance yourself and set firm boundaries.

Remember, their charm is a trap, a huge trap, their promises are lies, and their kindness is only temporary. Protect your energy, prioritize your well-being, and never feel guilty for cutting toxic people out of your life.

Photo by John Noonan on Unsplash

The Truly Charming