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The Power of the No-Contact Rule and How to Use It

In this article we will talk about the no contact rule and how powerful it can be after a breakup.

Breaking up with your partner hurts, especially if they ended things unexpectedly. You may feel empty, disappointed, and sad, like your life is falling apart. You may also think that getting your ex-partner back or getting over them is impossible.

While these feelings are understandable, it doesn’t mean you can’t do anything about your situation. If you feel you’re struggling after a breakup, the no contact rule is an option you should consider.

It can help you heal from the pain of the separation and it will give your ex a chance to miss you. So, how does it work?

What Is the “No-Contact Rule”?

The no-contact rule refers to cutting all types of contact with your ex after your breakup. When you go no contact all you have to do is stop texting and calling your ex, and avoid any kind of interaction with them on socials.

Not to mention, you avoid going to places where you could ‘accidentally’ bump into them. 

The no contact period is the time during which you don’t contact or reply to your ex-partner.

This strategy is an effective way to move on from a relationship and focus on your personal growth and goals. 

That said, eventually, you will also be in a position to make your ex miss you.

This rule should only last for a short period of time, and not long enough to give them the opportunity to get over you – or even worse, to find someone else.

This method can work for virtually anyone, but it will need adjustments in some situations. 

This is because you will not be able to ignore your ex all the time if you work with them, live with them, or have children together. 

In these cases, you can communicate with them, obviously, but the interactions should be brief and straight to the point. 

The Power of the No-Contact Rule - Pin

Reasons Why the No Contact Rule Is the Only Way to Get Over a Breakup 

1. It forces you to focus on yourself and take your life into your hands 

After a breakup, it is understandable to feel as if you won’t be able to move forward any time soon.

However, if you think about it, what actually makes it impossible to move on is constantly looking at pictures of them or spying them on socials.

The no-contact rule can help you heal as it allows you to focus on yourself. 

See, when a relationship ends, you automatically have more time for yourself. 

And you can use this time to work on yourself and your self-confidence. You can work on your goals and, and think about and learn from your previous mistakes. 

By focusing on other things, you will not only make better decisions. It will also help you regain the power in the relationship – and eventually get back with your ex if that is something you want.

2. It helps you get used to being without your ex 

When you are in a long-term relationship, you are used to having your partner in your daily life. You’re used to talking to them, sending them memes, telling them about your day, and receiving their calls. 

All couples do things together, they share good and bad moments, create memories, and much more; and that makes moving on difficult.

However, you can use the no-contact rule period to focus on things you want to do by yourself, achieve your goals and get your life back in your hands.

It helps you separate yourself from your ex physically, mentally, and emotionally.

You can use this time to hang out with your friends, focus on your favorite hobbies, learn something new or travel to a new place.

The rule helps you to think about what you want in your life, set goals and make better decisions for yourself.

It also helps you realize that happiness lies within yourself and that you don’t need to rely on someone else to feel complete.

3. It helps you get used to being your own priority 

When you’re in a relationship, you have to take your partner into consideration whenever you have a decision to make.

That said, the no-contact rule helps you get used to becoming your own priority, regain control over your emotions and decide what you really want for yourself

The no contact rule helps you practice self-love and become the best version of yourself

This is the time that will help  you recover and focus on personal growth.

The power of the no-contact rule is that it prevents intrusive thoughts and at the same time it allows you to focus on self-improvement. 

You can use this time in a productive way and focus on your needs rather than somebody else’s. 

The no-contact rule gives you time to clear your head and think about your goals and desires in life. 

Recommended read: 4 Signs the No Contact Rule Is Working & How to Use It

4. It forces your ex to think about their mistakes

As the no contact rule gives you the opportunity to think about what you could have done better, it helps your ex do the same.

For example, if they had toxic behaviors and they now feel they have lost you, they will have the time and space to think about their mistakes.

In case you want to get them back, if they think about their mistakes during this time, your new relationship will be stronger and healthier.

Can the No-Contact Rule Help Me Get My Ex Back?

The power of the no-contact rule is undeniable when it comes to getting an ex partner back. 

So the answer is, yes, the no contact rule can definitely help you get your ex back.

It makes them realize that you are now in charge of your life, and you’re doing the things you love.

And that can make them feel genuine remorse and realize what they have lost.

This may keep them curious about you and it may make them still feel emotionally into you. 

After all, the best way to get someone’s attention is to remove yours and refrain from chasing them.

Sometimes, the cause of a breakup is one partner feels they know everything about their significant other.

They don’t feel there’s anything new to learn about them, and the spark is just gone.

However, the no contact rule makes you unpredictable, and it sparks curiosity. And these are both elements that in many cases help rekindle the spark between two people.

Also, the fewer interactions you have with your ex, the less needy you’ll appear, which automatically makes you more attractive.

An important thing to mention is that this rule is not something you should use to hurt your ex, or to manipulate them on purpose. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.

You focus on yourself, on becoming the best version of yourself. Then, once you feel ready, you contact them again. 

If you did everything correctly – and assuming your ex has worked on themselves too – the no contact rule will work.

The reason is simple: once you and your ex have taken time for yourselves, you will be able to build a healthier relationship.

Recommended read: How to Really Get Your Ex Back, According to a Former Therapist

The No-Contact Rule in Long-Distance Relationships

The no-contact rule works in long-distance relationships as well. In this type of relationships contact is everything the couple has.

As in normal relationships, this rule helps you focus on yourself, heal from the breakup, and find yourself again.

And it will give both you and your ex the time to think about what went wrong. And you’ll also have the time to think about what you could have done better.

Also, if you don’t want to get your ex back, it will help you move on and start a new life.

No-Contact Rule: FAQs

Should I block my ex during no-contact?

If your ex has toxic behaviors or is stalking you, yes, blocking them is your best option.
However, if your ex isn’t displaying any toxic behaviors, blocking them would be immature.
What you should definitely do, though, is to silence them on WhatsApp and on social media, so that they will be out of sight and out of mind – which is what you need right now.

How long should the no-contact period last?

It depends on the situation and on your goal. If you want to get your ex back, the no contact period should last between three weeks and one month.
If you want to get over your ex and you also want them to get over you, the best thing you can do is to stay no contact for four to six weeks.

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Photo: Eshma via iStock

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