Breakups and separations can be devastating. Even when you think you’re doing the right thing, the emotional toll is significant. According to researchers, only 10–13% of separating couples reunite. That number drops to 6% following a divorce.
For the majority of couples, a separation becomes permanent. Married couples often file for divorce. Partners breaking up stay broken up.
The numbers are disheartening, but that doesn’t mean there’s no hope. In this post, we will focus on some important positive signs during separation that show reconciliation is possible.
13 Signs During Separation That Show Reconciliation Is Possible, According to a Former Therapist
Relationship experts have found that there are positive signs during separation that indicate that reconciliation isn’t just possible — it’s very likely to happen.
If you’re looking for hope that your relationship might still work out, you’ll want to watch for these signs while doing your part to make a reunion possible.
Why listen to me? I’m Crystal Jackson and I was a master’s level licensed therapist. I worked with couples and individuals and specialized in trauma recovery and empowerment. I now write content about relationships, self-improvement, and psychology. My work has been featured in large publications such as Elite Daily, Your Tango, Positively Positive, and Mamamia.
1. Your Communication Improves
According to Gottman relationship therapist Lisa Rabinowitz, a positive sign of reconciliation happens when communication improves.
Simply talking about the relationship isn’t productive if these talks lead to fights and escalating arguments.
However, if communication becomes more respectful, it’s a good sign that the problems in the relationship can be resolved.
Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman suggests the following tips for resolving conflict.
Soften the way you confront conflict by taking accountability for yourself, stating a need without blaming the other person, be polite, and handle the issue in real-time rather than letting resentment build.
Learn to repair the relationship and let your partner make repairs. When you’re trying to amend for something you’ve done, it takes two.
You have to make the effort, and your partner has to allow that effort to be made. The reverse holds true. Recognize when your partner is trying to make up for their behavior and allow them that chance.
Take time to avoid flooding. Emotional flooding can make it difficult for you to hear each other during conflict. When you begin to feel overstimulated, learn to soothe yourself — and your partner.
Learn to compromise. Successful resolution of conflict involves both partners feeling as if they’ve been heard. It’s not a win/lose scenario. Both partners should feel like the outcome is a win.
Address emotional injuries once the conflict is resolved. This will help with future conflicts and show your partner that you care about their feelings.
2. You’re Both Seeing a Therapist
Another positive sign of reconciliation is that you’re both seeing a personal therapist to help you deal with your baggage.
This allows you separate time to deal with issues that aren’t directly related to the relationship but can impact it.
Past trauma, for instance, can create emotional reactions from past events. Healing from trauma, addressing personal challenges, and taking responsibility for your part in the relationship can be a great sign that you’re capable of reconciliation.
Of course, this goes both ways. One person cannot do all the personal work of healing while the other refuses to address their shortcomings.
For a reconciliation to truly have a chance, both parties need to be willing to work on personal issues as well as relational issues.
3. You’ve Both Reached a Point of Personal Accountability
A good sign that you can reconcile is when you get beyond the blame stage and take personal accountability for your part in the relationship’s breakdown.
If you don’t think you have any personal responsibility, you’re not ready for a reunion — and may never be.
Every relationship takes two, and it’s important to acknowledge the ways you intentionally or unintentionally damage the relationship.
If you both can own your part in the relationship breaking down, you’re both on the right track to repairing and resuming the relationship. It’s a good sign when you can leave blame behind.
This will allow you to truly get to the heart of what went wrong — and if it’s possible to repair the damage.
4. You’ve Genuinely Forgiven Each Other
True forgiveness is a positive sign that reconciliation is likely.
If you’ve both forgiven each other for the hurts caused in the relationship, you’re in a good place to reunite and make the relationship work. It’s important to remember that forgiveness isn’t just a one-time statement.
It’s a commitment to letting go of the offense and not bringing it up at each and every future argument.
Forgiveness can’t be forced. It may take time to get to a point where you feel you can genuinely forgive. Just remember that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.
It releases you from the burden of holding onto the grudge, and it allows you to be free to heal. You don’t do it for the other person. You do it for your own well-being.
5. Neither of You Are Dating
Another positive sign that you’re likely to reconcile is when neither of you are dating others or interested in dating others.
If you’re staying single during the separation and working on what went wrong, you’re more likely to be ready for a reconciliation.
You might even realize you miss the person you’ve separated from and want to spend more time with them.
If you continue to date, you might not be ready to reconcile. It shows that you’re considering other options or unable to be alone during the separation. It’s not a positive sign that the relationship separation will lead to a reconciliation.
6. Romantic Feelings Return
Renewed romantic feelings on both sides can be a positive sign that a reunion is likely. When you’re dealing with constant relationship conflict, you might not be able to get in touch with your romantic feelings for your partner.
However, when you’ve had time and space away, you might find that those feelings return. They were likely there all along, buried under hurt feelings and brewing resentments.
You might even find yourself making small romantic gestures to show the other person you care. Little by little, you’re igniting the spark that brought you together in the first place.
If you’re both feeling it, it’s a great sign!
7. You Reminisce About the Good Times
Do you do a lot of walking down memory lane talking about the good times you’ve shared? Relationship experts believe that this is a positive sign for reconciliation.
It shows a shift in perspective from thinking the relationship is over to seeing the ways in which you both worked well together.
This perspective change could usher in a new era of the relationship — one where you make more good times and learn to successfully overcome the bad ones.
8. You Express Gratitude
When you get to a point where you both appreciate each other, you’re seeing a positive sign that the relationship could reunite once more.
Finding your appreciation for the other person could help you remember why you partnered them in the first place. It could be a timely reminder that it may be too soon to call time of death on the relationship.
Mutual appreciation could certainly lead to a reconciliation. It’s a positive sign when you move away from grudges and back toward appreciation.
It also shows you’ve likely done the work to forgive them, forgive yourself, and move to a new stage in your relationship — should you decide to continue it.
9. The Old Issues Are Resolved
What broke you apart? This question is essential. Whatever broke down your relationship needs to be fixed or no longer an issue for a reunion to stand a chance of lasting.
When the old issues are resolved, you’re in an ideal place to reunite and try again.
Just be sure that the changes are long-lasting and not simply superficial ones. Be willing to confront the issues — and your own discomfort in doing so. Truly resolving the issues can help make your relationship stronger than ever.
10. You Check in With Each Other
If you and your partner are separated but keep checking in on each other, this is a positive sign that you could reconcile. You clearly still care about one another.
You just have to decide if you’re trying to have an amicable parting or a relationship reconciliation. Only the two of you can decide what it is you want and what this regular communication means.
11. You’ve Rebuilt Trust
Damaged trust is difficult to rebuild — but not impossible. If you’ve both put in the work to rebuild trust in each other, you’re on the right path toward reconciliation.
Trust is an essential part of any relationship, and if it cannot be rebuilt, the relationship is unlikely to work out. Identifying trust issues and diligently working on them can help you save your troubled relationship — as long as you’re both onboard with this recovery effort.
12. You’re Willing to See a Couples Counselor
One of the positive signs during separation is you’re both willing to go to couples counseling. It means that you see some value in saving the relationship. You think your partnership is a thing worth rescuing.
If you both willingly show up and participate, it’s a good sign you could end up reuniting.
This shows that you’re working together on the problem and acknowledging that the relationship is in serious trouble.
As long as you can sit down and talk about what went wrong and what you hope to accomplish to fix the relationship, you still have a fighting chance.
13. You Both Want the Relationship to Work
The most important sign that a reconciliation is possible is that you both want the relationship to work. You’re both eager to resolve conflict and improve your relationship.
You both see the value in being together, and you’re united in your efforts to make it work. This is a very good sign indeed.
It absolutely takes both parties to make a relationship work. One person cannot do all the mending and repairs alone. It takes two to break the relationship down — and two to save it.
Second Chances — A Conclusion
If you’re hoping a second chance is possible, you might not like the odds.
Most couples who separate stay that way — either breaking up permanently or, in the case of married couples, filing for divorce. While only a tiny fraction choose to reunite, there’s still hope.
You cannot control what it is the other person wants or what effort they’ll put into saving the relationship.
You can, however, make sure that you’re working on yourself, forgiving, taking accountability, and doing whatever it takes to be a healthier person, which helps you be a healthier partner.
If the relationship ends anyway, you’ll be a stronger person for the effort you’ve made. But it could also be the key to ushering in a happy reunion with the one you love.
Second chances are possible. They don’t come around often. There’s no guarantee if the relationship will even work out even if you get another chance. That’s the risk you take. So, decide.
Decide if this is a relationship you value. Decide if you want to do what it takes to make it work. Your second chance is out there, waiting. Are you ready?
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