Not sure if the person you’re seeing is a good fit? There are some behaviors that could be red flags on a date. Some are clearly toxic, some are more subtle.
Dating can be a lot of fun, but it can also become tricky if you don’t pay attention to the person in front of you. Here are some red flags to look out for on a date that may signal someone isn’t quite the right fit for you.
The Worst Reg Flags on a Date, According to a Relationship Coach
Why listen to me? I’m Sira Mas and I’m a relationship coach. I write about self-improvement, love, dating and psychology. My work has been featured on large publications such as Mamamia, Plenty of Fish, Ladders, Entrepreneur and Thrive Global.
1. They Talk Badly about Their Exes
One of the most common red flags on a date is if the person in front of you consistently talks badly about their past relationships.
If they are bringing this up too often, it could signal insecurity and jealousy issues that may also affect your relationship in the future.
Be sure to pay attention to any disrespectful comments they make and respond accordingly.
2. Poor Hygiene
Poor hygiene is clearly a red flag on a date. It could signal that the person doesn’t take care of themselves or respect your opinion of them.
For example, if someone has body odor and wears dirty clothes it’s usually an immediate turn off for anyone.
If you can’t take care of yourself when you’re on a date, you won’t be able to do that when in a relationship either. And you probably aren’t able to take care of a relationship either.
3. Lack of Respect for Waiters or Other People
How your date treats waiters, bartenders, and other people they interact with, tells you a lot about them. When someone is rude to others it’s an early warning sign that they may not be able to respect you as a partner.
Pay attention to how they interact with people and if they have an air of superiority towards others.
4. Excessive Jealousy
One big red flag on a date is when you see unhealthy levels of jealousy. This can manifest in lots of different forms, from your date being controlling and possessive, to always accusing you of flirting with others.
If you think about it, if you two are just starting to date, none of these behaviors is normal. And in a long-term relationship.
Also, if you feel like your date is not respecting your boundaries, it’s time to ask yourself if you want to keep dating someone who exhibits these traits.
5. Frequent Criticism or Blame-Shifting
You don’t want to be with someone who only focuses on what you’re doing wrong, and who are not able to accept responsibility for their own actions.
If your date avoids apologizing for their mistakes and instead always shifts the blame on you, it’s not a good sign.
This kind of behavior often points to a longer history of frequent blame-shifting which can affect how trusting and healthy your eventual relationship would be.
6. They Only Talk About Themselves, All the Time
One of the biggest red flags on a date is when someone can’t stop talking about themselves. And this usually goes hand in hand with not showing a genuine interest in getting to know you.
People who have this strong need to brag all the time tend to be insecure, and they need external validation to feel good about themselves.
Also, according to an interesting article published in Psychology Today, people who brag tend to have empathy gaps they are unaware of.
In other words, they don’t care much if they annoy others when talking too much about themselves. All they care about is that positive feelings of talking well about themselves.
Do you want a person like this in your life? Or do you prefer a confident, emotional intelligent person who also sees, understands and listens to you?
7. Love Bombing
Another unhealthy behavior you should be paying attention to is love bombing.
Ask yourself this question: Does everything seems and feel too good to be true?
If someone who barely knows you treats you like you are their only priority, tells you they love you early on, and claims they are your twin flame, it may be a bad sign.
They’re either unhealthily obsessed with you or they may have an hidden agenda. And they’re probably not being genuine and honest with you.
In either case, get to know them better if you want. But make sure not to get emotionally involved with them too easily and, most importantly, too early.
8. They Want to See You too Often
If they want to see you too often and you don’t feel comfortable with the frequency they propose, it’s generally not a good sign.
Here I’m talking about seeing each other every day or six times a week. It’s too much early on – and even when you’re already in a long-term relationship.
If you’re dating, the goal is getting to know someone who may one day become your partner, right? And you want to build a healthy relationship. Correct?
But you can’t build a healthy relationship if you don’t give space and time to each other since the beginning. If this is your case, make sure to set healthy boundaries with your date and see how they respond.
If they keep insisting to see you more often then you feel comfortable with, it means they don’t respect your space and your time, which is a huge red flag.
A person who talks too much about their ex, is overly negative, has no boundaries, avoids responsibility, gives few details about themselves or tries to limit your freedom are just some of the warning signs you should watch out for on a first date.
Before making a relationship official, it’s important to take your time to get to know your date well. As a rule of thumb, you should date for at least four months before becoming official. However, every relationship is different, so in some cases it may take longer.
If you’re just starting to date, it’s a good idea to see them once or twice a week. If you have been dating for a few months and you feel you are a great match, you may increase the frequency to three times a week.
Some green flags you want to look out for when dating are:
– Your date respects you,
– They respect your time,
– You feel they are genuinely interested in getting to know you,
– They love to spend quality time with you – and it’s the same for you.
– They have an assertive communication style,
– You feel they actively listen to you,
– They are not obsessed with their social media accounts (their self-esteem doesn’t depend on the number of likes they receive).
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