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17 Signs of a False Twin Flame, According to a Former Therapist

In this post we will talk about a few signs of a false twin flame.

You can spend your life looking for soulmate and twin flame relationships. It seems like epic love is out there…for everyone else. But do you know the difference between a soulmate relationship and a twin flame connection?

Your soulmate will be your perfect match — the relationship that is best for you. It’s the person who best complements you. You are your best, most authentic self around this person, and they’re the same way with you. This is the relationship most likely to be your forever love if you stay committed to it. 

Your twin flame is your perfect mirror — the person who reflects back to you your true self. In the twin flame connection, you make each other better through challenging one another.

However, the twin flame relationship often burns out as you’re both propelled toward future soulmate experiences with someone else. Twin flame relationships can go the distance, but the work it takes can be daunting to the average couple.

In fact, much of the time, we mistake false twin flames for true ones. We think we’ve found our perfect mirror, but we discover it’s just a reflection.

What Is a False Twin Flame?

A false twin flame may bear some similarities to the real twin flame. While you might automatically equate being false to being toxic, not all false twin flames are toxic, unhealthy, or abusive relationships.

Some of them are just relationships that don’t meet either twin flame or soulmate status. 

A false twin relationship might even feel like a good relationship. It’s just not meant to work out. Here are some signs that you’ve met a false twin flame. 

17 Signs You Probably Met a False Twin Flame

1. You See Yourself in Them

The reason it’s so easy to mistake a false twin flame for the real deal is because you see yourself in them. You share so many similarities that you’re sure you’ve met your mirror. Only as time goes on, you begin having doubts.

A true twin flame will mirror back your flaws and challenges just like a false twin flame will. A true twin flame will also reveal your strengths. They’ll bring out the best in you.

If they don’t bring out those amazing qualities, it’s likely a sign that they are a false twin flame.

There’s a difference between a mirror and just a reflection. If you’re looking in a puddle, you’re going to see shadows of yourself.

You’re not going to get the whole, beautiful picture. It’s the same when you’re dealing with a false twin flame. You’re seeing a reflection, but it’s not the clearest picture. 

2. They Avoid Commitment

The true twin flame will not avoid committing to you. If you’re in a situationship, you’ve met a false twin flame.

A true twin flame isn’t going to hide your connection, treat you like a booty call, or have a million excuses for why they can’t commit. Every single excuse you hear underlines the fact that this person isn’t your perfect mirror.

A true twin flame wants to be with you. They reciprocate your feelings. A false twin flame may say one thing, but their actions tell you something different.

If they try to keep the relationship secret or avoid updating your relationship status, you’ve likely encountered another sign that they’re not your true twin flame. 

3. You’re Growing Only Through Struggle

Another key difference between a true flame and a false one is that true flames will encourage you to grow through both struggle and through support.

A false flame is only going to make you grow through struggle. You’ll encounter many challenges in this relationship, and while you’ll grow through them, you may quickly tire of overcoming one challenge only to face another when there are few rewards.

Growing through struggle isn’t the only way to grow. A true flame connection should allow you to elevate each other. It’s not supposed to be all hard times. Otherwise, how is it supposed to be worth the investment of your time, energy, and love? 

4. You’re Growing; They’re Not

Another sign you’ve encountered a false flame is when you’re experiencing personal growth while they stay stagnant. This isn’t a good sign.

True twin flames will both grow. If you’re the only one learning and becoming a better person, it’s just not a twin flame connection. What ends up happening is that you outgrow them and leave them behind. Otherwise, you’re going to stunt your own growth trying to stay on their level.

Either way, it’s not good for you — and it’s not what a true twin flame would do.

5. They Feel Like Anxiety, Not Like Home

You’ll notice that a twin flame relationship feels like home. It feels safe. It even feels like you’ve known them forever. A false twin flame feels like uncertainty. Anxiety. Worry. It doesn’t feel good as time goes on. You’re never quite sure of your partner.

They keep you guessing with their hot and cold routine. This false connection brings up all your insecurities and doesn’t feel truly safe or comfortable. 

6. You’re Doing Most of the Relationship Work

In true flame paradigms, you both work at the relationship. You want to make it work because you feel so deeply connected. You are true partners even when the going gets tough. In a false flame situation, you’re doing most of the relationship work. All the heavy lifting is on you.

They’re happy to coast along, but you’re the one who keeps things going. You work at the intimacy. You work at keeping the romance alive. You are the one bringing up the conflicts and trying to find solutions.

You’re likely exhausted and overwhelmed at how much work it takes to keep it all on track. The thing is that you might genuinely care for them and want the relationship to succeed. Yet, this isn’t a true flame or even a soulmate relationship if only one person is trying to make it work. It might be time to cut your losses.

7. Their Love is Conditional

A true twin flame won’t think you’re perfect. They’ll know you’re not and love you anyway — not in spite of your flaws but because of them. They just love you unconditionally.

A false twin flame will give you conditional love. They’ll make you feel bad about your flaws no matter how much you work on them.

Every challenging part of you makes them like you less, not love you more. You can feel their withdrawal because their disapproval is clear. This is not your twin flame relationship.

8. False Twin Flames Compete Rather Than Support

In a true twin flame relationship, both people are going to fully support one another. This is why these relationships grow you as a person.

They’ll be your biggest cheerleader, and you’ll be theirs. It’s a beautiful part of the relationship. A false twin flame is more likely to compete with you than to support you. There’s plenty of comparison happening in the relationship, and your success might trigger their jealousy and resentment.

Rather than celebrating you, they’ll compete with you — something a true twin flame would never do. 

9. They Leave When Things Get Tough

One of the biggest signs that you’re dealing with a false twin flame is that they leave when the relationship gets challenging. They just bail out. They don’t stay and work through it with you.

A true twin flame doesn’t quit that easily. They know you’re worth it and that the relationship is worth it. They’ll put in the work while a false twin flame will just leave. 

10. The Relationship Brings Up Past Insecurities

When you’re in a false twin flame relationship, you’ll notice that your past insecurities begin to feel awfully present. Something about this relationship makes you remember every doubt and insecurity you’ve ever had.

In fact, it will likely remind you of some of the most traumatic times of your life whether that was in a bad relationship or a difficult childhood. You’ll see similarities between how you felt then and how you feel with the false twin flame.

All relationships can bring up our past, but healthy relationships will do it so that we can address these issues and find healing. In a false twin flame situation, you’ll likely be hit with constant insecurities but no true sense of healing.

The entire relationship is filled with doubt, and you may find that seeking reassurance from them only makes them disconnect and even leave the relationship.

11. You Don’t Share the Same Vision for the Future

Sometimes, a false twin flame is false simply because they don’t share the same vision for the future. They want something different. It doesn’t mean it’s better or that there’s anything wrong with them. They just don’t share your goals.

When you realize this, you probably know it’s not your forever relationship, soulmate relationship, or twin flame. It’s just a relationship that was meant to teach you some lessons along the way.

You can still cherish that time and love that person while they’re in your life, but if you don’t want the same things for the future, you know they just aren’t your twin flame. 

12. You Feel Like They’re Not Authentic with You

A twin flame won’t be secretive or wear masks with you. They’ll be their authentic selves, and you can be yourself, too. A false twin flame never truly convinces you that they’re being completely themselves.

Have you ever had a relationship where the walls were just up and nothing you did would bring them down?

You could be the safest, most loving person in the world, and yet you still encountered a fortress every time you tried to get close to them. It’s not personal, but it is a barrier to a truly intimate, loving relationship.

The twin flame will let you in. The false twin flame will leave you knowing on that door because they’re too guarded to ever give you the chance to know the real them. This might make you angry, but keep in mind that someone who does this likely experienced trauma.

You’re witnessing how they survived — how they continue to survive. It may hurt your feelings, but they are doing something deeply self-protective. They may have genuine fears that you won’t love the real them, so they keep their truest self hidden. 

13. They Withdraw Affection from You

In the beginning, you bond quickly with both a true twin flame and a false one. It’s a powerful experience. It’s no wonder it’s hard to tell them apart at first.

But the true twin flame keeps the spark alive. The false one begins withdrawing. At first, they might withdraw affection. Later, there might be less intimacy.

You’ll see that the way they were with you in the beginning has become so watered down that it’s barely recognizable. You finally realize that this is not your twin flame, only a pale imitation. 

14. You Don’t Feel Safe to Be Your Truest Self Around Them

Let’s be honest. You’re not being your truest self in this relationship. How can you be when they don’t wholeheartedly champion you? 

You begin keeping many of your thoughts and feelings to yourself. You’re afraid to share them. You don’t want to be invalidated, dismissed, or rejected.

While you can say or do anything with a twin flame, the false twin flame is not a safe person to be your most authentic self around. They will judge you and think less of you, and a true twin flame never would. 

15. They Add to Your Wounds; They Don’t Heal Them

Another problem with this sort of relationship is that it adds to your existing wounds rather than healing them. A healthy, intimate relationship can sometimes help you heal your past wounds or at least give you a stable environment in which to address past trauma.

A false twin flame relationship will only add to the baggage you’re already carrying. Their disconnection, judgment, and commitment-avoidance create hurt you’ll have to heal from later. Instead of giving you the space to work on your issues, they’re just giving you issues. This isn’t your twin flame. 

16. You’re Growing Apart Rather Than Together

As the relationship matures, you’re growing apart rather than together. A true twin flame will grow with you. You’ll likely outgrow a false twin flame.

After all, you’re growing, and they’re not. It’s only natural that you’ll leave them behind if they don’t leave you first. There’s nothing wrong with growth, but healthy relationships grow together. They make room for each other.

There’s a sense of partnership. In the false twin flame scenario, you’ve just got competition and distance where you should have support and intimacy. 

17. They Feed You False Hope

One of the final signs that you’re dealing with a false twin flame is that they keep the relationship going on false hope.

When you express doubts, they dismiss them and let you think it’s all in your head rather than truly addressing your concerns. They don’t want to let you go, but they aren’t letting you get any closer either.

It’s a hard situation because you’ll want to believe whatever false hope they give you. You might feel hungry for even a shred of reassurance that things will be okay. Just know that a false flame will eventually reveal themselves.

When they keep the hope alive without actually doing anything to work on the relationship, it’s possible that they’re just keeping you in the picture until something better comes along.

A real twin flame would never let you live on false hope. 

How to Heal from a False Twin Flame

A false twin flame encounter could leave you with wounds and trauma in need of healing.

You need to accept that they were not for you.

No matter how much you cared, you can’t change who they are or what they want. You can only do what’s best for you. Seeing a therapist could help you process this experience and work through your feelings.

You can unpack this relationship and heal instead of dragging this baggage into a new relationship. Taking some time for you could give you the space to learn from the experience so you don’t repeat it. 

Instead of blaming them for being false, it’s so much healthier to find your own accountability. Did you ignore your gut? Are their ways you opted not to see what was actually there? Did you walk away when you knew it was wrong, or did you stay in hopes things would change?

You can get mad at them all you want, and that’s valid, but a deeper dive into your own choices could reveal where you still need healing. 

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Photo by Everton Vila on Unsplash

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