I’ve met a lot of people who seemed amazing at first—charming, confident, fun to be around. But over time, some of them showed a completely different side.
The truth is, narcissists don’t walk around with warning signs on their foreheads. They often seem like the most charismatic people in the room.
At first, they make you feel special, like you’ve met someone truly extraordinary. But if you look closely, the red flags start to show. They crave attention, manipulate conversations, and treat people differently based on what they can gain from them.
I always tell people this: if something feels off, trust that feeling. Here are twelve signs someone might be a narcissist…even if they seemed so charming at first.
Why listen to me? I’m Sira Mas and I’m a relationship coach. I write about self-improvement, love, dating and psychology. My work has been featured on large publications such as Mamamia, Plenty of Fish, Ladders, Entrepreneur and Thrive Global.
In the Beginning, They Seem to Adore You Even If They Hardly Know You, and It Feels Too Good to Be True
I remember this coworker I had a few years ago. She seemed perfect, the perfect friend, the perfect colleague, perfect in everything.
Only a few months after meeting her, I realized she was a pathological narcissist. At first, she made me feel like we had the strongest bond, like we were besties, showering me with attention and praise. But once she didn’t need me anymore, everything changed.
See, at first, a narcissist makes you feel like the most special person in the world. They shower you with attention, compliments and admiration, even though they barely know you.
They might say things like, “I’ve never met anyone like you before,” or “I can already tell we are so connected.”
It feels intense, exciting, and almost unreal, because it is.
Well, this kind of excessive adoration has a name. And it’s called love bombing; it can happen in any kind of relationship, not just romantic relationships.
And it’s designed to make you feel attached to them quickly. But over time, their behavior shifts, and that once sweet attention turns into something controlling, manipulative, or even cruel. If it feels too good to be true, trust your instincts.
Their Compliments Feel Inauthentic
Narcissists love to hand out compliments, but something about them often feels off. Instead of genuine praise, their words seem rehearsed, exaggerated, or simply too much.
For example, they might say, “You’re the most incredible person I’ve ever met!” after just a few interactions. Or they’ll compliment you in a way that feels more about them than you.
Their compliments can also be too general, like “Anyone would be lucky to have you as a partner” without specifying why. Genuine compliments feel personal, specific, and thoughtful.
A narcissist’s praise, on the other hand, often feels shallow, as if they’re just saying what they think you want to hear.
They Seem Too Nice with Anyone They Could Potentially Use
Narcissists are skilled at charm… well superficial charm, especially when they think someone can be useful to them. They go out of their way to be excessively friendly, warm, and charismatic around people who hold power, status, or resources they might want to access.
For example, they’ll laugh at every joke the boss makes, compliment influential people, or act overly enthusiastic around someone they think can elevate their social standing.
But this behavior isn’t about genuine kindness – it’s strategic. They’re building relationships based on what they can get, not on authentic connection.
They Are Rude or Just Very Cold to People Who Can’t Do Anything for Them
While they pour on the charm for people they can use, narcissists often show their true colors with those they see as beneath them.
They might be dismissive, rude, or even outright cruel to waiters, customer service reps, or anyone they believe holds no value to them.
For example, they might snap at a barista for taking too long, refuse to make eye contact with a cashier, or act irritated when a service worker doesn’t help them fast enough.
This behavior is a major red flag. True kindness is consistent, not selective. If someone is only nice when they have to be, but disrespectful when they think it doesn’t matter, they’re showing you who they really are.
They Tend to Redirect Conversations to Themselves
At first, they might pretend to be interested in you. They’ll ask questions, nod along, and seem engaged. But pay close attention, because before long, the conversation always seems to shift back to them.
For example, if you tell them about a stressful day at work, they might respond with, “That’s nothing, you should hear what I had to deal with!”
Or if you mention an accomplishment, they’ll quickly top it with one of their own.
Narcissists don’t listen to connect, they listen to respond and steer the focus back to themselves. Over time, you’ll notice that conversations with them feel less like a real exchange and more like a one-person performance.
They Have an Extreme Sense of Grandiosity
Not all narcissists show this sign. But many do.
In fact, some narcissists believe they are not just special but superior to everyone else.
So they may exaggerate their achievements, lie about their past, or present themselves as extraordinary, even when there’s little proof to back it up.
A perfect example? Watch The Tinder Swindler or Bad Surgeon. These real-life narcissists convinced people they were wealthy, powerful, and well connected with well-known or powerful people like the president of the US and the pope.
Constantly telling lies and manipulating those around them. They didn’t just want admiration, they expected it.
Narcissists with grandiosity often talk endlessly about their success, make impossible promises, or insist they are the smartest person in the room.
If you meet someone who constantly brags but can’t handle being questioned, it’s a major red flag.
They Seem Empathic at First, but When You Have a Deeper Conversation, You Notice the Lack of Real Empathy
Narcissists pretend to care, at least in the beginning. And they’re pretty great at faking it.
They know how to say the right things and act like they’re interested in your emotions. But once you dig deeper, their lack of real empathy becomes more obvious.
For example, if you share a personal struggle, they might give a surface-level response like, “That must be tough,” but quickly shift the topic back to themselves.
Or they’ll give advice that feels dismissive rather than supportive, like, “You just need to get over it.”
True empathy means genuinely understanding and sharing someone’s emotions. It means listening and let the other person vent,
A narcissist, however, only acts caring when it benefits them, once they don’t need to impress you anymore, their indifference starts to show.
They Humble Brag
Narcissists love to brag, but they often do it in a way that makes it seem like they’re not bragging at all. Instead of openly boasting, they wrap their self-praise in a layer of fake humility.
For example, they might say, “Ugh, it’s so exhausting being the smartest person in the room all the time,” or “I don’t even try, but people just always seem to admire me.”
These statements are designed to make them look good while pretending they’re not trying to impress anyone. But at the core, it’s the same old narcissistic need for validation—just packaged a little differently.
They Crave Attention
Narcissists need attention like they need air. If they’re not the center of it, they’ll do whatever it takes to shift the focus back to themselves.
For example, they might tell an over-the-top story at a party, interrupt conversations to insert themselves, or even create drama just to make sure everyone is looking at them.
When they don’t get attention, they often sulk, become passive-aggressive, or even lash out. They want constant validation and admiration, and if they don’t get it, they’ll make sure everyone knows.
They Use Triangulation Very Subtly
I often recommend this to my clients: if someone constantly brings up another person in ways that make you feel insecure or “less than,” pay attention.
I mean, seriously, it’s a huge red flag. And you should trust your gut.
Narcissists use triangulation as a control tactic, creating competition and jealousy to keep you on edge.
Triangulation is when a narcissist brings a third person into the mix to make you feel insecure, jealous, or off-balance. And skilled narcissists do this very subtly.
For example, they might casually mention, “Sarah always understands me so well,” after you express a concern. Or they’ll say, “It’s so refreshing to be around people who just get me,” implying that you don’t.
This is meant to make you question yourself and work harder for their approval. It’s a manipulation tactic designed to keep you on edge, feeling like you have to compete for their attention.
They Have a Hard Time Handling Criticism
At first, a narcissist might seem confident, but pay attention to how they react when someone challenges them. Even mild criticism can set them off.
Instead of considering feedback, they get defensive, lash out, or twist the conversation to make themselves the victim.
For example, if you give them constructive feedback, they might say, “You’re just jealous,” or “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” They might even attack your character instead of addressing the issue.
A secure person can handle feedback with maturity, but a narcissist sees any critique as a personal attack. If someone in your life reacts poorly to even the smallest bit of criticism, take it as a major red flag.
Passive-Aggressive Behavior
Narcissists rarely confront issues directly. Instead, they use passive-aggressive tactics to express their frustration while avoiding accountability.
This can come in the form of backhanded compliments (“Oh, I guess some people just don’t care about details as much as I do.”), sarcasm disguised as humor, or intentional procrastination when you ask them for something. Or waiting hours to reply to your messages.
They may also give you the silent treatment, act distant, or “forget” to do things as a way to punish you. These behaviors allow them to manipulate the situation without looking openly aggressive.
Over time, their passive-aggressiveness can leave you feeling anxious, confused, or like you’re constantly walking on eggshells around them.
If you notice someone frequently using these tactics instead of clear, honest communication, it’s a strong indicator of a narcissistic personality.
Final Thoughts
If someone’s behavior feels manipulative, if they make you doubt yourself, or if they seem to thrive on making others feel small, don’t ignore the warning signs.
The sooner you recognize a narcissist for who they are, the sooner you can distance yourself and protect your peace.
Narcissists don’t always show their true nature right away. At first, they seem charming, confident, and engaging. But if you pay attention, the warning signs start to appear.
If someone in your life makes you feel insecure, unheard, or constantly seeking their approval, step back and evaluate.
A truly good person doesn’t need to manipulate or control others, they make you feel safe, valued, and respected.
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